Views : 11,591,054
Genre: Music
Date of upload: May 6, 2022 ^^
Rating : 4.964 (3,617/400,625 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-01T23:03:48.141179Z
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Top Comments of this video!! :3
For some reason the first tune took me back to my early childhood, I remember some toys that would have little melodies that were both calming and sad for me and they would make me feel funny as thoughts would come and go, I'd imagine myself in the future taking care of my old parents, if I would be alone and lonely after they passed away.
It's a very strange thing that I as an infant could already have the concept of death in my mind, as far back as I remember I always took this concept with a lot of fascination.
It didn't take long though for my father to pass, I was twelve at the time and didn't have the opportunity to care for him as I had imagined.
Two months ago my grandma passed too, I had the opportunity to stay by her side until the last day, she was bedridden for the past year, so I'm quite satisfied I got to care for her until the end.
And one year and 10 days ago, my girlfriend passed away too, we basically grew up together, we were going to marry, move away, have our own family, and expected to live a calm life, to be there for one another until we were old and ready to part for a while.
I had other losses too, but amongst all of them those three have been the ones I had the most diverse experiences with grief.
For grandma it hurt just at the beginning, a week later the heartache wasn't there anymore, that's because when we learn about death we already expect for our older members of the family to pass away first, and I was getting ready for that day many years ago. The experience itself was very fulfilling too, since I did all I could do for her, I'd say I accomplished my duty to her.
For father it hurt a lot, even though, as well as with grandma, we already expect to burry our parents when we learn about death, it happened very soon in my life, it was unexpected, he had a cancer that grew for a very long time, silently, and when exams finally came it was already terminal. His passing was so shocking I only realised I wouldn't see him again when the coffin was getting closed. At that age I'd look at him and see him as my hero, so it's a very strange thing to see a hero fall like this in one month he was well, and in the other he was sleeping in a bed of flowers, eerily silent. At least I got to say goodbye to him, and from there on the pressure of having to grow up soon taking lots of responsibilities I wasn't ready for gave me a crippling depression.
For my girlfriend, this was the toughest one, she is the one who always were there for me, who gave me hope for things would get better, and having her by my side allowed me to dream bigger and go after the things I wanted, but we never think someone our age would die so suddenly. Last year her family got sick, contracted covid and she stayed to help them recover, but she would be the last person of her family to get infected and the only one who died. In one week after she tested positive she had 75% of her lungs afflicted, she got admited in a hospital, and in another week she passed away. In the end I couldn't see her, I couldn't talk to her, I couldn't be there for her, I couldn't take care of her.
During the first 8 months the heartache was so intense and so crippling I couldn't get out of my bed, I'd wake up with an intense pain in my chest and would go to sleep with it, sometimes I'd even cry in my sleep. During this time I felt like I was slowly dying, that my heart was about to give up and stop anytime.
I felt weak, lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of weight, lost any will to keep on living, wanted to kill myself but couldn't commit to it. I just wanted us to be together, besides that nothing really made sense anymore, other things didn't matter. I still don't know where did I pull the strenght to keep on living, but I know she wouldn't want that for me, I also had to take care of my grandma, and maybe having this single purpose saved me. And now I'm here today, still kind off hurting, but I can still go on. I'm about to be 30 this year, and we were together for half of our lives.
So, if you're going trough some very hard times in your life, and don't want to live in this world anymore, and you can't go on, things doesn't make sense, and you've completely lost your way; take a deep breath, because when you think you can't take on your struggles anymore know you have still half of your strenght left, hidden somewhere deep inside of you. And it's fine to stop for a while, or reduce the pace to recover. But if you set a goal for yourself and focus on surviving through these hardships only to get there, you will get a hold to that hidden strenght you have, even if you can't get to that goal, but you will have made through the hardest days of your life, and that only helps you shape a better you.
Also don't be shy and seek help, a good professional therapist can help you see through the darkest days.
I'm gonna go now, to take my medicine and ready myself for another battle,
Godspeed, fellow survivors!
;
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Snowfall ❄️💠💎 0:00
Milk cassette 🥀🌙🍁 2:05
This feeling 🐚🍂🫧 5:10
Retire 🌘💤💍 6:39
You not the same 🦋🕸️🕷️ 10:03
November 8 ⏳🐞🗓️ 12:44
Altas 💧🌊🦋 14:49
If its real, then i’ll stay 💤🍁✨ 16:53
Distorted memories 🕷️🥀🧍 20:35
Life’s too short 🌙🐞🐚 22:34
Morning mist 🌫️💤🕸️ 25:18
Sometimes 💍⏳🍂 28:44
Watching the stars ✨🌙🍂 30:10
Lost tape 🪡🗓️⏳ 31:34
The end is the beginning 🍁✨🌻 33:20
Outside 🌿🌾🪐 35:41
Avenoir 🌷🔥☂️ 37:22
Snowfeild ☁️🏔️🍃 42:17
Dystopia 🛸🪨🦪 45:58
Hide away 🍄🌎🪱 47:49
In ur arms 💎⚡️🐞 49:22
I might be dead 💀👁️🫀 50:50
Emptiness 🪨🧍🏔️ 53:20
Shrine 🪱✨🏔️ 55:37
Runaway 🏃🥀🌧️ 58:18
901 |
Just turned 21. This year has sincerely been the saddest of my life. I dropped out of medschool seeking to study a major in nutrition, which Im starting on next January. Taking this decision was overwhelming, I struggled with my mental health to a point in which the only option I had left was leaving med, in order for me to finally be able to follow my dreams. Stereotypes, fears and influence made me choose medicine, but now that I’ve destroyed my social, psychological and spiritual lives, Im at last about to start my true path, the one that feels real to me.
I’ve done wrong for a long time, looking for distractions to ease my pain, such as partying, drugs, and a lot of lost time. This 2023 is about to be my year, and it will be yours as well. Im here brother/sister, if u struggling dont forget to remind yourself about your value. We come once to this live for us to live a boring one, break some rules and free your soul to live fully on your terms. From wherever u reading this, I’ll be back to tell you how I’m doing without bad habits and a new life, I hope to know from you as well, feel free to comment.
Let’s raise our energy to a major purpose, our purpose. See you soon, little one :)
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To YOU reading this, I pray that whatever is bothering and hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May all the negativity, dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind and may clarity replace confusion. May your life be filled with peace, love, compassion, clarity, and companionship
514 |
Dude, I know the comments saying "listening to this at night transports you to a different world, tbh" seem exaggerative , but trust me, it is a lot more accurate than you think. Just being up late working on artwork for a class you didn't even sign up for; a class you didn't even expect to enjoy; a class you didn't even expect to improve at, and just chilling listening to music or watching Nuzlockes. Genre after genre after video passes by. Breakcore, rock, nightcore, hyperpop, retro indie rock. 9:00, 10:00, 12:00, 1:00, 1:40. Getting to this for as long as you're awake is a surrealistic experience. Contemplating whenever your mind wanders off, spacing out, locking in, everything.
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dear future me,
if you ever come back here, because you’re feeling sad over the same guy, or just alone, please don’t let this pain take full control. mom needs you, dad loves you, the twins wants you by their side and sis needs you the most here. so please don’t let anyone or anything tear you down. life is a roller coaster, it goes up and down. remember how much your friends loves you and how much they care about, even though they don’t reallu show it.
Dear future me, please be happy and don’t stop growing.
-2022 me
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@dreamscape..
1 year ago
Mix is available on Spotify, Apple & Deezer. Link here: lnk.to/darkambient
1.7K |