@Henry_Game

5 months ago

i just cant say how grateful i am. games, music like this, friends... Family. those things help me, and i think they help you too. The next text... is for relieving some of my stress. When i was born, my father left me with my sister and mother, i saw it like something bad, but i were a kid so i didnt care. throght all those years the only one who actually cared for me was my sister, she took care of me, she loved me, she gave me attention. she had her own responsabilities... so she couldnt be there always, and my mom abused me phisically, verbally and psychologically. She said she loved me, i wasnt sure, it was all a manipulation for me to do whatever she wanted, i didnt had freedom. I couldn't think by myself, just like a puppet... it was like that everytime, even my sister got abused, she was gone when she was 17, going to live with our dad, who sent us money everytime... Money that our mother never gave us, she used it for her own benefits not caring about us. when my sister was gone, i was alone then, our father always came to visit us the weekends, but my mother, she filed a false complaint that he was abusing us, we couldnt see him for 4 years. after my sister left... i became aware of what her burden was, my mother always made her to clean and take care of the house, take care of me and to cook, even if she had Highschool. I was really angry with my mom, but i chose to calm down and believe that she was still good, after all she was my mom. My mother finded another man, and i got a new sister, i didnt knew how to feel, it would... The cicle would repeat. but then my mom got sick, she didnt care about her health, she smoked, drinked, eated trash food, and it got worse with a illness. i was sent throught a lot of houses of friends of her, not to my father because she didnt want to... i missed her. After 3 months, my father found me and with the police, they took me, and made me feel home. Then i spent a whole year with my father... i discovered a lot of things i didnt want to. my mother used to abuse him phisically, verbally and blamed him of a lot of things he didnt do. he didnt leave because my sister was there, and when they got the notice i was coming, my mother tried to abort me. My father stopped her. when i was born, my father did the best he could to be there, when i was 3, he left because of the toxicity of my mother and that place. My sister endured a lot, and so my father did, my mother wasnt good as i thinked so, but i was still a kid, i still loved her, trying to forgive. after that year, my mom came over my dad's house and made a trouble, she wanted to take me back, almost hurting my sister, i was scared, confused and sad. then i was forced to face a judicial situation. I didnt know anything, i was super confused and scared, my depression haunted me all that time, back when i was with my mom i used videogames to escape reality. To escape fear and sadness, my mother made me feel worthless and useless, with every fail i had, it made it worst. I made the wrong decision in the judicial situation, i was still young, it was to decide who should take care of me, and i chose to be a week with my mom and i week with my dad. I was confused because when i said that my father got really sad. My wish was made, but not for too long. My mother took advantage and took full custody of me, then she used me more, i falled on a deep hole of darkness, she made it again, she made all of us suffer, then i saw my little sister, who was now 1 year old, and i saw something i wanted to protect, to love. after a lot more of suffering, my mother fell sick again. This time was serious, she got really bad, and my dad took care of me. I was enjoying being with him then, back to being actually okay and safe. Then, i went to the hospital with some family members, i got to call my mom, i got the urge to cry. She said she was sorry for everything, that she would do better, she regretted her mistakes. I was crying when i said "its okay mom, i forgave you long ago." She promised me she would make everything better when she gets out of the hospital, and i smiled, a smile of pure joy and grattitude, i felt it, she was saying the truth, but i felt a int of sadness on her voice. Then the next 3 days i received the notice that. She died. She couldnt keep her promise. I fell on a deep depression then, and cried a lot, but not enough in her funeral. I couldnt keep up, and tried a lot of things to end everything, to return where i came from. And here i am, 2 years after all of that im still alive. With the help of my friends and family i made it, im still depressed, they say, but im trying to not focus on that, this time ill focus on me, i always took attention to everyone, except me, i never thinked by myself or for myself. Its time for a change, im better. Its hard, but i will keep up and stay strong, no matter how many times i fall, i will stand up, and rise once again to shine. No matter what. And i shall fulfill that promise she made to me, with something, she wanted me to be. I still like to go away from reality and come to a world without worries, this playlist helped me. And you did too, if you readed it all, thanks, i mean it. I just wanted to tell y'all. You're amazing, keep up and... live, with all your might, love those ones you care for, cause' they'll be gone one day. And as my father said, "You never know how much you appreciate someone, until they're gone." Im... trying to not feel im victimizing me, i hope i wrote all this in the right place. ...after all im just an ordinary teenager! Thank you for reading, thanks for everything. P.D: Im sorry if something isnt writted right, im a beginner at English and a South American!

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