Views : 708,808
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Dec 16, 2021 ^^
Rating : 4.981 (183/38,426 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2022-03-25T23:37:25.006073Z
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Top Comments of this video!! :3
6 PARENTING MISTAKES
1. Signing kids up for too many activities
- negative impact on sleeping habits and mental health
- you should listen to children to know if there's too much, they signal if they're stressed or overwhelmed
2. Not allowing kids to say no
- they might not learn to gain confidence, set boundaries, and stand up for themselves
3. Comparing children to others
- ruin child's self-esteem at an early age
- makes them question parents' love
4. Forcing children to eat
- they associate that food with negative context, making them picky eaters or have restrictive dietary habits
- you should make mealtimes relaxed and fun
5. Using humiliation as discipline
- leads to behavioral and emotional problems in the future
- may make them socially anxious, depressed or aggressive
6. Praising intelligence over hard work
- you should focus praise on efforts instead of abilities
- because if not, this causes fixed mindset where they give up if they fail
- if you praise effort, they feel motivated when they fail instead
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The one about praising intelligence rather than hard work really struck me.
Growing up, I started developing a mindset that only A's are acceptable because that's what made my parents proud. As a result, whenever I got into highschool, if I ever got anything else, even a B, I would spend the whole day sweating and stressed over what my parents would think. Purely because it was drilled into my mind that not having A's is failing.
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That last point was such a great reminder. My son is highly intelligent because of his Aspergers, but because good grades come so easy for him, he does tend to slack off and leave things to the last minute, which in turn stresses him out. It is important to remind him that hard work and effort is a must, to motivate him to not just rely on his natural talents. Iām sure I have fallen into the trap of praising him for his intelligence over his hard work on many occasions.
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I had the opposite problem with being compared to other children, but it ended up with the same results. I wasn't told that I was less than another child (as far as I can recall), but I was told that I was BETTER than other children. My parents told me how well behaved I was compared to my sister and friends, but it always made me uncomfortable instead of proud. I didn't want to be praised at the expense of my peers getting smack talked. I think my friends are great- why would you speak so poorly about them? And how did this look to my sister? Furthermore, I learned that my friends parents ALSO compared them to me, "Why can't you be more like Patch?" I haven't really been able to get rid of those feelings of guilt, even at 20 years old. I always thought so highly of them, it bothered me that the adults in my life may have made me look snobbish through their actions. But yes, it also gave me an unhealthy need to maintain my reputation because I thought it was what made me likable~ I thought poorly of myself, but still cared what others thought. Hiding behind my reputation was a sense of comfort, in a way.
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i remember hearing my mom saying bad things about me and my brothers on the phone when she thought i couldn't hear her and it just made me cry, made me feel like i wasn't good enough and made me think i failed as a daughter and failed to make her proud of me, i was quiet for the rest of the day while my mind was insulting me and shaming me because she was mainly mad that we were loud but even though she was mad that i was loud didn't mean she could curse our names like that to other people on the phone.
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There was a time that my cousin argued with her mother and her mother said "I brought you into this world, I carried you for 9 months" my cousin also shouted at her saying "it's not my choice to be born in this world you and dad decided to want a child, and I'm sorry if I'm not the child that you want" and at that moment everyone in the house paused as my cousin ran outside with her bag and gone to her friend's house...after that it was just not the same anymore between them, my cousin is less active at all things, as soon as she gets home straight into her room, never comes out except for school. š
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How to ruin the relationship with your child in 4 easy ways:
1. Shame the child:
I was told that other children will laugh at me by my mother when I did something she didn't fully approve of (eg I wanted to dress a certain way, cry about something 'trivial', etc). I used to care so much about opinions of others that I was stressed to speak to anyone, which just led to more bullying. I no longer care about people's opinions and I feel better. I still don't speak much, but I'm not scared of talking like I used to be.
2. Ignore the child's achievements:
Whenever I do something I feel proud of and show it to mother she goes "good" or "nice" and goes right back to mindlessly staring into the TV/phone screen. It just makes me feel angry, not good enough and not appreciated. I don't feel like doing that activity ever again (eg drawing, sewing, etc). I just keep most things secret from her now and I feel better. Heck, she doesn't even know I know the basics of a third foreign language (I know two well and she knows that, but I know a decent bit of a third one that she has no clue about).
3. Take the child's achievements for granted:
Like in 2., she takes my successes in school for granted. She expects me to get good grades or else she's not happy. I got an 8 in my GCSE Biology (UK exams - 1 is the lowest, 9 is the highest- a 4 is a pass). She said "Maybe if you actually put in the effort, you would have gotten a 9". Like, what's the problem with an 8? I'm not doing biology anyway, and my worse results didn't seem to bother her as much as one of the best ones. I tried, but I didn't want to get out of bed at one point in that school year and that's the support I get after getting my results. Mind you, it's coming from a woman who likes to tell this story of how she once passed her assignment in university by luck.
4. Don't listen to the child:
I told her my now stepfather is a bad man. She did not listen, I was the bad one. Now she fully agrees and regrets her choices (oh, and no apologies for not considering what I warned her about).
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I was raised with a parent who compared me to others and I wasn't allowed to say no. I found it really hard to say no to things going into highschool and got myself in a situation that was hard to get out of because saying no was always seen as a disrespectful thing. I could never say no to my friends or my bf, which as u could probably guess, didn't turn out so well. Parents, teach ur kids how to say "no" instead of teaching them that the word "no" is bad
1.3K |
When I was younger I was raised by my grandma. When she cooked she let me pick my portion sizes. But she said I had to choose from each of the foods she made (she always tried to incorporate veggies into all meals), so I had to eat veggies even if it was one small piece of Brussel sprouts. And because of this Iād eat what I want. This actually made me want to eat more vegetables because I knew I had a choice on how much to eat. I could eat mainly veggies and little bread and fruits. Or mainly meat and fruit and little veggies the next day. And with this way I learned to have a healthy relationship with food. I wasnāt obese or malnourished. If a kid truly doesnāt want to eat something they will go out of their way not to.
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@Psych2go
2 years ago
If you can communicate with your parents about your relationship. What would you tell them that bothers you the most?
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