@kira_deffo_luvs_u7497

1 year ago

TW!!!!! i used to be "gifted". i was told that i was "smart" and "mature for my age" and "just so responsible" i was praised for every report card. i was top of all my classes. i was in a program for gifted kids. i took tests weekly just to prove that i was smart enough. i was top of my ballet class too. there was always someone saying that others should look up to me, that i was better than everyone because i could read 6th grade books in 2nd grade. but tings got worse. my mom became an alcoholic, we had a housefire and had to stay at my grandma's. my mom decided to drink and drive( this happened often). ive been in so many car accidents. the worse happened in 4th grade. my mom was VERY drunk and hit a parked car picking me up from school. she didnt leave a note with any information. she just drove away. i begged her to stop, to pull over, to go back. i was crying. i threatened to get out of the car and walk back to talk to the cop. but it didnt work. i did the only thing i could think of, and called my dad. he told me it was ok and to just come home with my mom and he would fix everything. so i just cried in the back seat on the way home. later that night there was a knock on our door and it was the cops. they first asked to see my parents and they talk about i dont even know what. then they asked to talk to me because i was there. i told them that i begged for her to alteast write her phone number on a note. i then asked that they dont take my mom away. i dont know if it was my word that convinced them to let my mom stay but, it was for the most part, ok. the following year and a half of elementary i got bullied for having a drunk mom. luckily i had 2 friends there for me and i made it through. then middle school started, and my parents stopped being so proud of me. i quit ballet because i couldnt take the pressure of everyone questioning what was so special about me. my grades started to drop, and i went from straight a's to b's and c's. i stopped hanging out with my family and chose my friends instead. my parents started to scrutinize me for imperfections. things like my behavior and how i wasnt quite as obedient anymore, my grades, how i joined drama club and spent all my time on that, even my looks. but i could handle it after what had happened at elementary. I finally had people who felt like an actual family (the drama club members). they were there for me in a way my parents couldnt. i cried in their arms during tech week. it had been my first panic attack but i could deal with it because of them. then covid hit and it felt like i lost everything. i finished up 6th grade, barely passing. i realized how forgettable i was to my family. 7th grade started and i barely did any work. i slept during classes, didnt take notes, didnt listen to anyone for anything. my dad found out that i hadn't been doing work because my teacher called him. he made me sit at the dinner table for 6 hours just doing math. he didnt allow me to get up for anything. i did this for 2 weeks and started having frequent panic attacks. im talking i had one every other day. when i finally caught up with all my old homework i didnt have to sit at the table anymore. but the panic attacks didnt stop. i had one practically every time i had to do math homework, or when i had to ask for help with anything. i started telling myself i was weak and didnt deserve life. i uh, debated game ending myself. i told myself that i would be ugly if i ate, so i didnt. my mom yelled at me for crying and being a weakling. she said she would send me away "to be dealt with". my dad started picking up i needed help and got me a therapy. i told her some stuff and she told my dad, despite saying everything was private. So i started lying to her and told her that i was getting better. beside being in therapy got me out of my least favorite class in online school. but then i met e. she was the only person who talked to me in online school. we had PE together, and i noticed her mcyt pfp and she saw mine and thus we became friends. we hung out on our birthdays. to say i had a crush on her was an understatement. i realized i was bi and came out to her and 7th graded ended. soon my old friends started to get in touch with each other. i came out to them and j came out to the group as well. then 8th graded started and it was all back in person.i started talking to old friends. i let go of my crush on e. some of my friends got bfs. things were going well. i started drama again and made myself a new family. i claimed a random child as my own and taught her everything that i knew. then i got a crush on a. i had never talked to him, we had no classes together. i saw him during pe because we had it the same period. i started writing notes to him for my friend to put on his desk in math. i got his number and started txing him. we both refused to tell each other if we were really the other. then i got nominated for safe school ambassadors and he did too. i was too shy to say anything tho. after 2 months of only talk over txt and waving at each other in hallways i asked for his hoodie. i was turned down but doing that peaked my confidence, i started asking everyday for 3 months before he finally gave me one. i started flirting with him more until i eventually just straight up told him. he didnt reject me but he didnt accept me either.we stayed like this until 2 weeks before the 8th grade dance. i said get your shit together and figure out if you like me or not because im not chasing you for much longer. he never said anything about that, so i asked all his friends who said he liked me. the dance came and i asked him out and he said sure. he ignored me the whole time. on the day before graduation we went on a walk in the park together and he ignored me for half of it. all his friend kept telling me he liked me. graduation day happens and thats the last i saw im in person. he started to threaten me. i told him i was going to the park with my brother and he said he would jump me if i went, knowing i had no choice and had to go. luckily im ok. after a bit longer of that i said whatever we had im done. that leads me to now. going into highschool with a bunch of ppl hating me because i stopped chasing him. throughout that i continued with the shit mental health and panic attacks. but i now have a family that cares about me <3 IF ANYONE READ THAT WHOLE THING THANKS FOR READING ESSENTIALLY MY LIFE STORY! OFC THIS ISNT EVERYTHING BUT ITS SOME OF THE WORSE(and some better) PARTS THAT I I REALLY NEEDED TO VENT ABT.

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