@potatoesareyummy981

1 year ago

⚠️vent⚠️ from when i was little (1 - 7) i was loved HEAVILY. i was my mom’s favorite, my dad’s favorite (i’m still his favorite but we aren’t talking abt him) i was even my grandma’s favorite. grade 2 turned that around. i was told by my grandma that i would need to be skinnier to be pretty. i was eight. no eight year old should ever be told that. i went to school and cried. third grade, same thing. fourth, i was told i needed to get my work done on time and not have such an attitude. fifth, i was told i needed to take better care of myself. i have more but those are the most hurtful. no elementary schooler should be told those things. especially an 8 year old. my mental health was broken by grade 4. i found myself crying in the bus, acting fine around family, but crying in my room. my grandma continually fat shames me. sure, i’m not skinny, but i’d rather be a little overweight than a lot underweight. i’m never perfect to her, it seems. she loves my little brother. to my grandma, he is perfect. he gets A’s, he plays a sport (not at all well), he’s just perfect. if he does something wrong like put something in the wrong place when he’s unloading the dishwasher (i have to do it with him because apparently he can’t do it alone) he’ll sometimes put something in the wrong spot. i’ll tell him “hey that doesn’t go there it goes here” and my grandma will be like “ella stop being rude he just put it away in the wrong spot”. im sick of that. i’m sick of her. i’m tired of this type of treatment. i’m a human, aren’t i? i didn’t do anything, did i? i’ve always been fat shamed and told i’m sensitive or shy. i’m not. i’m just shy around you because i’m always doing something wrong apparently. i’m sensitive because every time i see you or something you always have a new thing you say to me. leave me alone. let me grow. let me have space. please leave me alone to guide my way through life without you nitpicking everything i do. please let me be me. im not perfect, nor are you. edit: as soon as i woke up today, it was “ella get dressed we’re working in the yard” huh? we didn’t work in the yard, instead i did all the chores imaginable in the house. i vacuumed, did the dishes, wiped the counters, cleaned the bathroom, made my bed, fed my cats, cleaned the litter boxes, omg was it tiring. can i just be left alone?

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