When Covid hit I was as much struck by the immediate effects as everyone else ... how to do an about-turn, how to cope with the new Reality, how to try not to get it, and so on. But as we started to hear of the massive crisis in NYC (not so far from Goshen, MA) you couldn't help but feel discouraged, dis-heartened, all that negation of hope that was in itself part of the epidemic.
And then we started to see the individual stories on PBS Newshour, which I watch nightly. Plus articles on, for example, nurses who had retired but went back into the workforce themselves, and who died on the job. Who was making up his script? Who was orchestrating this whole thing, just too too horrible ... I felt overwhelmed and started thinking about members of our family who had passed. It seemed like we always had a chance to say good-bye, but now I'm seeing scenes of people in grief on top of grief. Cell phones put by the sides of the dying in the hope that maybe they could hear you say good-bye. People not even being allowed to go to a gravesite. All too much.

This song started to come. I feel it's unfinished, but it's as far as I could go. Maybe someday I'll get a chance to "finish" it ... but I knew when I hit the line "I forgive the times, so grim ..." I ws in ok territory. Because this song basically came a line at a time, when the sky was grey, snow was falling, everything seemed to be going downhill. I didn't feel like I could forgive what was happening. Faceless, nameless, an ogre of a disease. But that gave me a chance to begin to forgive; I don't know whom, even yet ... but the grip loosened, just a bit.
My Mother, my aunts especially, are there in the kitchen ... I know they are, and I can feel them begin to glance down, just bestowing that endless love. I can almost smell it, the cookies, the good food, the desserts. For that, I am most certainly eternally grateful.
I hop hope this passing on does some good for you, no matter what the hurt is. Did I post before? I can't remember, but I know I had to today, because this song met me so hard today. 12/26/22.
I believe I wrote this towards the end of 2020 ... gosh, it's so hard to remember anymore, the days and years blur. May this be of benefit. xx