@em-ef2xb

2 years ago

dear kate, for the longest time i've wanted to collect the perfect letters and words in order to form a letter for you, because i think that now that our friendship has ended for the second time, it is only right that i say my last goodbyes. i miss you, i think about you day and night ofc. dec 1st we started out as strangers. our first ever conversation started out when i asked if i could keep you in case help was needed. you said "ofc it's alright" and i didn't know we would grow to be inseparable. the absence of your existence bothers me. i wish you were here. realizing now that in march, i was in an endless loophole of misery. i don't remember much from that month, it felt like quite a fever dream, but i do remember a few things. i remember hopping on roblox with you and trolling, laughing, running from each other. i remember ft you and you would do the dumbest things that would make me laugh so hard till my ribs hurt. so even if that month was mentally one of the most challenging months of my life, you made it shine a little brighter. words cannot describe how lucky i felt to have known you. it really is one of the best things that has happened to me. we were bestfriends, nothing and no one could break the strong bond we had. unfortunately, april 29th my happiness left. you had got a boyfriend and you felt the need to block me and stay with him. if it makes you happy, then by all means, go right ahead. but i catch myself seeing that you tell him the same things you once told me. so maybe i wasn't special to you, and that's okay : ). missing you comes in waves. and i try reading the lovely stuff you wrote me but i can't seem to believe that you mean those things anymore. for ages, i've wanted to be mad at you. i've wanted to lash out on you. because i don't think i deserve what you did to me. i put in a whole ton of effort on you, and even if it seems like i didn't give you much, i was giving you my everything. the second i stop giving you as much attention as you're used to you get mad at me, and i apologize. i've written you 8 letters, asking you what it was that i did wrong that drove you away. it does shatter my heart seeing maybe you laughed at everything i've told you, never in a million years would i choose a boy over you. to be honest, if i could go back in time, i would go back to march, because that was the month that you treated me better than any other time, no matter how much pain i was mentally in. just because i don't open up to you doesn't mean i'm a goddamn robot. i'm still human, i have feelings, and seeing you say that ur bf is "different, he cares and loves me, nobody's loved me like this". it feels like poking a hole in my heart and deflating it. i've given you everything i had, and when you told me that you felt like my love was lacking i put in a little more effort. i try. i try nd i try and i try. but even if this gets me mad, sometimes i don't blame you. sometimes i'm not mad at you. sometimes i don't hate you. i know when i love you from a distance it does you better. and i know when you don't love me it makes you happier. all i wished for was your happiness. and if your happiness is my pain, then i'll do it. i'll let it happen. our souls will forever be connected in my own little world. it doesn't matter where, or when. they will hold in the love that we once had for eachother. because i know that in between all this chaos between us, i once loved you intensely. and sometimes i would catch myself nested in between doubt, as to whether or not loving someone who doesn't love me back is worth it. i'm not doing this for you. i'm doing this for myself. you bring me comfort. you bring me joy. you add meaning. you add reasons. when you blocked me on snap chat, i wasn't really surprised. i slowly found our old chats to be my comfort place, and it felt nice to tell you clips about my day since i never really got to tell you when you were still here because i was afraid i would always make it about myself. i rant to you through the pending chats aswell, and it hurts but feels so good. i hope one day we can have what we once had. i miss you with my whole heart, although i was never romantically in love with you , u felt like my soulmate, in a bestfriend way. i hope you're laughing and smiling rn. lots of love and a big hug <3. -someone who cared : ) dear kate, this is the second letter written to you today. you never leave my mind. i miss you so much, i hope you're having a good time with your boyfriend. i love you, i'll wait fore you, dw. i remember when i was with you i felt like the world was non-existent, like the world was a dream. i felt nothing but perfect joy. it really did feel amazing and it rushed me with dark love. it was a type of love not many would comprehend. only our minds could have the mental capacity to understand the type of love being exchanged between the tips of our souls. your smile itself was able to illuminate millions. you walk with pride. you stand up for others. you are magical. i did not think i would encounter myself with such a lovely human being, i didnt even know someone like you even existed until the moment i met you. you give out a love that shines in all its many different forns. it has many phases, but i am in love with every single one. your smile is enough to make me cry, and i do not often cry due to these sorts of things. in fact, your smile itself is the most wholesome thing one can lay their eyes upon. your smile radiates happiness, joy, simply existing in its best form of reality. i like to think that meeting you was a happy little accident. i did enjoy your company for the most part. you were quite entertaining, after a long and tiring day a simply joke from you would make me smile like an idiot, from ear to ear. my cheeks got warm and pink. my heart, beating. and every heartbeat felt honest love. i had love for you, alot of it. and in most friendships, bestfriends say "i love you so much that i would die for you." but i would not die for you. dying takes away pain, and passes it on to others. i would live for you though, because we were both going through a tough time that even living seemed like a bigger challenge than dying. when i think of you, i think of the clouds moving in order to let the sun shine it's bright gift onto the world. when i think of you, i think of the full moon, glimmering on a cold night, projecting it's light onto the world. i think of the green fields, becoming greener because of you. i think of rose buds rapidly blooming and transforming into a breath-taking rose. i think of the golden sunflowers protruding their natural beauty for millions of people to see. just like you, letting people see the side of you that i find so beautiful, admiring every ounce of it. when i think of you, i think of the cold rain touching my bare arms, filling me up with comfort. when i think of you, i think of the forest, as interesting and eerie as you. i think of the pure silence in between life. when i think of you, i think of dark red heart. i also think of black hearts. your favorite emoji was a black heart. i always use it now, to keep a piece of your existence within my everyday life. when i think of you, i think of getting lost in the sky. when i think of you, i think of a dying rose encased inside thin glass. so beautiful, yet so sensitive. when i think of you, i think of warmth. so yes, you might have left me twice but my heart is still looking for you. i hope one day, your mind comes across the thought that maybe i did feel pure love for you. i love you, always. you are forever within me. big hugs : ) <3 -someone who wanted to give you the world

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