@redsilverseven3593

8 months ago

It was about 2013, me and all my buddies would hang around watching movies. We ate and just made each other laugh. It was good times. I sat next to my best friend at the time. She and I would do everything together. I would take her to school, we would shop for presents for all our friends since we both had jobs. We would joke and make each other laugh. This one night we were both on a couch. She fell asleep next to me, not wearing shoes. She layed there tired, after working all day. I had the weirdest thought. "You should cover her up with a blanket, and give her a hug." I thought she might be cold, in fact, she was cuddling up on her own, with no one to hold. But i did nothing. On the other couch her boyfriend was just sitting there. One of my best friends, around 10 years. I have no clue what movie we were watching, but my mind went blank entirely for the rest of the movie. I had no other thoughts other than. What was that... why did I think that. That night I drove home and it was raining. Its always raining in moments like this. I realized I was in love with her. But it simply could not be. She was my best friend for so long and... I was just sitting there. I don't know what happened. The moment those words came into my mind, "I'm in love with her." I broke down, I held my chest. "No, no, no... what are you doing, stop...." But it happened. I fell in love. And the only thought I had was. I can never have her. My heart felt so heavy, i could barely pick up my head to look straight at the road. My eyes full of tears. I'm never going to have her... I'm never going to hold her.... In the next few days I could not sleep, I could not speak to my friends, especially not her... I saw my friends rarely. And when they would see me they would say, "Dude... are you ok?" And i couldn't even tell them. Because it would ruin everything. And it would change everything, and everyone would hate me. All I did was listen to music night and day. My father even took me out to eat. First time in my life, it was odd. I didn't bother telling him why I couldn't function. But at least he cared. I was at work, and I have no idea what but I suddenly was reminded of her again. I went to my car, and again it was raining. It just reminded me of that night. My manager came to me and I just said I'm sorry I just can't. I quit my job and apologized. But I didn't really care. It got worse. I told myself everyday, just forget it, it will go away. Forget her, stop being such a drama queen, stop being so selfish. She has someone, and you don't matter. I won't lie, I started to get extremely angry... I had anger pent up and didn't want to see anyone, I cursed the world... I hated him... and I felt guilty for having those feelings. But I know I was in love, and I told myself. If she is happy, that is all that matters. Shut up already. Shes happy. One night we were hanging out, I was sort of recovering. There was a meteor shower. She was there, but not next to me... They said the meteor shower was about to start, and I didn't really care for it. But we looked, and it was underwhelming. But I closed my eyes after seeing one, and made a wish. I wished that she would be happy for the rest of her life. And I feel like I let her go that day. Anyone going through this pain, I feel for you friend.

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