@TheStupendium

3 months ago

THE STUPENDIUM 1,000,000 SUBSCRIBER STUPENDI-COIN IS NOW AVAILABLE AGAIN! bit.ly/StupendiCoin LYRICS: Seems a lot of rappers like to rap about how good they are at rapping? I’m better than I used to be But I’d still hate to be dishonest with you… VERSE1: So, hip-hop's a new hobby I'm attempting But there's a hiccup that needs circumventing A niggle in the middle of the job of my dreams And that's a lack of practice when exploring the themes I can't rap about bitches and hoes, riches and clothes Beating up and leaving stitches in foes I'm not familiar with those - and it's an issue, I know 'Cause they're thematically what rappers seem to spit in their flows Without the clout, well what's that really leave me with, hmm? What do I spout if not some needless egotism? I'll leave you wishing you'd switched off your speaker system Scheme of visionary lyricism? Eh... It really isn't And I anticipate the criticism – why are the lyrics different? And does the act of improving the rap on a track about the fact That you’re crappy at that kinda clash? Really match your initial vision? It’s a weird decision, well, you can quit your bitchin’ If I could be forgiven, tell me, who just hit the million? I did – so if you could adjust your position And sit and swivel on my lyrical juxtaposition CHORUS: I'm just an amateur wordsmith You'll be indifferent the instant you've heard it When I'm finished, you'll be wishing you'd skipped the track So, here's five minutes you won't get back VERSE 2: I’d wager there’s no other rapper so fine tailored I’ve paid for far too many nice blazers Style’s dangerous, all my tailors sign waivers Fruit so fresh, I'm practically lime flavoured If my drip seems plain, I don’t got a lot of bling Wanna talk about chains? See my pocket watch swing Yeah, my number of cufflinks is disgusting My sleeves hold together better than my rhyming If you need a dapper rapper, I’m your them, G I’m going wild across the board – Jumenji Yeah, this scheme don’t really work now that I’m enby But if I’m not your first choice? I’ll be your plen B So hit skip if I ain’t taking your fancy ‘Cause I’m pretty quick but I ain’t breaking the land-speed ‘Cause I’m pretty slick but they ain’t flailing their panties ‘Cause I need the clicks but I ain’t catering to rap beef Schemes thicc like my pen raided the pantry Queen Vic how my bars flame up and fans weep Niche mix like I’m feat. Statham and Lansbury Feet pics? You see me making a Fansly? You know I actually prefer the original, run it back ‘Cause I’m pretty quick but I ain’t breaking the land-speed Oh, you’ve got a plan B? Heck, I’ll be your plan Z I’ll be waiting in the Q - John De Lancie Just another white ‘guy’ dressed up in a nice tie Thinks their rhymes are quite fly but it’s nothing you ain’t heard before Flipped the drive-bys for lyrical fine dining Green on the mic – pique your appetite? Herbivore Know that the juiciest flow’s squeezed out of oranges I make salads from the leaves of thesauruses Abecedarian, apprentice, aspirant, admissible Acceptable and adequate and average, more or less CHORUS: I'm just an amateur wordsmith You'll be indifferent the instant you've heard it When I'm finished, you'll be wishing you'd skipped the track So, here's five minutes you won't get back VERSE 3: I got the sauce in the pan, so just let me cook So that my mum and my nan can pretend it looks Like they’re pleased I escaped from the desk and books And my degree’s not a waste of the debts I took Rap’s bonne vivante? Or whack hack – a crook? Perhaps my songs just haunt like I’m the Rapadook? My lines go on and on just like a babbling brook Fishing for compliments without a catchy hook The fact that this is my job’s actually mental ‘Cause chance is any mic drop’s accidental Hit my street cred limit and my flow-verdraft And if I’m making paper then it’s only crafts Yeah, I flow so white like a Grecian toga Need on more pun here to meet my quota The craft theme might still see me over The only pigment here is medi-ochre There’s never been a fella so bereft of any melanin Attempting to be clever rhyming melanin with theremin Or terrapins called Sheridan or trendy gyms with ferrets in Will heaven ever let me in? I’m winging more than seraphim Pathetically projecting just a semblance of intelligence By speccing into eloquence instead of making any sense Like Robin and his merry men arrested by the sheriff then Subjected to experiments to render them American CHORUS: I'm just an amateur wordsmith You'll be indifferent the instant you've heard it When I'm finished, you'll be wishing you'd skipped the track So, here's five minutes you won't get back VERSE 4: My couplets aren’t scuffed as some you’ve heard I put a lot of care in pairing up the funny words 50% of the time? Nifty attempt at a rhyme The other half it’s… well, it’s not My skill with similes I really haven’t mastered But like a massive car crash I’m slowly moving past it Now we’re at the point I really didn’t want to start yet Let us now revisit the obligatory fast bit Kid from the South, pissing about Lyrics aren’t spitting, just dribbling down Spewing a slew musically askew As I’m chewing up tunes and then spitting them out Failing at fame, fairly forgettable Shameless and vain, employing a pedestal Quips and the flips are both varied and plentiful Spit ‘em this quick and they’re nearly illegible Tongue tasked with too much to handle Bars so whack, still can’t hold a candle Get that bag? It’s straight from the landfill But I have now featured with Dan Bull But if my lyrics are lacking a little It lengthens them leaning liberally alliterative Lining up letters, while lyrically gimmicky’s Leaving you locked with your lexicon limited Looking for lines that alliterate wittily Lands you in loops in the leaves of a dictionary Logging a litany of logical liberties Letting the lemons elope in your limousine Linguistic littering, lazily writ Less likely to leave me labelled as lit Lift up the lid and you plainly can tell Clearly, I’m really just taking the L Blimey, you’re still here! Wow! Didn’t think you’d make it up until I slowed down Thanks for humouring my stupor of a flow You've been super and I know that you all wanna go now Just a smidgeon of revision and some little new additions As I fix up all the bits that the original was missing Reenvisaging felt fitting as we hit upon the million Thanks for giving it a listen to revisit the beginning I appreciate I’ve kept you for some time Without boobs or a reference to gun crime I’ve tweaked the beats and I added some fun rhymes But I need to concede it’s still lacking a punchline

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