@boeboe5115

1 month ago

Preface, this is not a light story. This is heavy shit that weighed me down for a long time before. It started with a call to the hotline in a very very low point. I had broken up with my girlfriend at the time and was devastated. I was get my shit together driving home in the rain, and before i knew it, i tried to make a left turn and fishtailled. I overcorrected because of some incomming traffic and i had ran down into a ditch over a power meter. By that point i was just beyond numb and tired already. I was just going through the motions with my statments with the officer and my ticket information. My grandparents were beyond worried about me but i just sort of played along. It was later that night when something really tugged up me to hang it up there. Thats when i made that god forsaken fucking phone call, right there with rope. The police had come and woke my grandparents up in the middle of the night, asking about me. I had to explain what has going on. Some more questioning and lights in my face, and after 30 minutes they confince my that im gonna be able to talk to a psychiatrist and psychologist. A psychcoanything to not make me feel this way. I decided to go with the officer whom directed me to a facility that they werent sure was even open. Sitting at this facility at 3 am, trying to hold my patience together was only getting harder. I wanted to just sleep at this point, but i didnt get a point to. After some backend processing, i finally hear back that thr facility i was brought to that doesnt seem open. Turns out, they werent open and i was brought there by mistake. Make it make sense i dare you to try. I end up later on that night getting picked back up by i can only describe as a taxy cab service. My recollection of events as i was slipping in an out of consciousness on the carride. I woke up by dawn the next day still in the car, pulling up on the facility that they had tried to send me to earlier. The driver walked me in, and i didnt do much of anything other than follow directions. They ended up puting me in the queue for admittance, but the wait lasted for a whole 12 hours, just sitting in the lobby, waiting for something to happen. It felt like an eternity. Finally i get called and i start following intake proceedures like you see in the video, but the feelings you had going in, was a savage horror. It was a living nightmare. They just directed me into a common courtyard with all the others being held there. I felt immediately stuck, stupid, and humiliated just by being there. The staff was soulless and completely nonreactive, as if to reinforce and gaslight me that i was insane or something. It wasnt like i was trying to get a conversation out of them, but knowing that i couldnt if i tried, or not getting the chance to talk to anyone normal again, that is what made me feel helpless. And now you have all these architectures to protect ourselves, at worst it felt like a torture, of which we werent even granted the right to choose the cowards way out. Notice how fast he skated past just getting you reintegrated, as if thats why i sought help in the first place, as if the purpose of going there was to just "get ready to get out". Believe me, Ive seen people bash they bodies into glasses, rendering them a bleeding mess. Ive watched a could fights happen between 'inmates'. I started off really hoping that someone would start talking with me about my issues, but as the evening eventually settled in and the next day came and passed, id lost hopes in that idea. I eventually tried to put together my best "this was just an episode gone too far" impression just so that i could leave. I was sick and tired of seeing blood stains and hearing others screaming and crying. It felt like an eternity, but phonecalls were made, and my grandparents again were there for me. Beyond anything, i couldnt have done it without them, i love them to death. I have rebuilt a lot from that time, but what an aw

2 |