@alexanderminnanuts414

1 year ago

(vent) i've always been the problem child. at home i'd be screaming 24/7 when i was little my parents fought a lot. they still do. almost everyone in my family on dad's side is smoking and i've started doing it. i've sh a lot and i've been on many therapy meetings with my parents and the school is tearing me apart. all my parents do is yell at me for doing nothing. i've been having problems with shoplifting and stealing too, i still do it sometimes. my friend got me starting to do it again. when my mom first found out i sh she got mad and yelled at me. my dad just yells at me for random things and he always finds something to complain about in my whole, stupid entire life. he says that i shouldn't eat as much, that i should stay away from all the sugar and calories and that i could use some exercise. one of my closest friends makes me feel so bad about myself and he yells at me and tells me that i'm stupid for the smallest things. my teachers make me wanna kms and i'm always jealous of all my friends that have such great lifes. at home we have too many rules and i barely have any freedom. i have no privacy, it doesn't go by one day without my dad being in my room and looking for "bad stuff". my mom tells me that i should have at least C in every subject, how tf is that possible in seventh grade you dumb bitch. a few days ago i yelled at her on the phone and told her what a bad mother she is. did she listen? no she didn't, what a suprise. and everytime, thorough my whole childhood, whenever i try to do something nice and thoughtful i just get yelled at for not doing what i'm supposed to, or doing something wrong. my siblings get so much more than me, what my parents say is that "they behave, you don't". YEAH WELL IT'S NOT REALLY THAT EASY WHEN YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT YOU DUMB WHORE. thank you. and one time they even told me that i destroys my siblings lifes and future, because i always run away and they have to find me. well, then don't? and also, think about. why would i run away? i wouldn't do that if i felt safe at home. i need my social time with my friends, that's part of the reasons i'm alive today, writing this. i've gotten my heart real broken and i've been used twice during a very short period of time. right now i have eight close friends but i can only tell four of them EVERYTHING and one of them i always vent to. i've found my way back to my childhood best friend, but i can't be friends with her. i'm talking to a boy rn, he's very sweet and handsome but i have a feeling he'll use me. i love him with my heart but i'm not 100% sure about it. my last realtionship ended bad and he tried to get me back several times even though i said no. i was also scared to say no to sex so i didn't say anything, i just went to the bathroom and immediately wrote to one of my closest friends what happend, the other one i wrote to turned it all around and told me that what i said was wrong and that i couldn't say he made me say yes. were you there? no you weren't you stupid slut. you always make me feel bad, i get it you have diagnoses, but that doesn't give you the right to tell me things that make me feel bad, it's not so weird i don't tell you shit. i want to kms. the only place i feel safe is in my best friends house and everywhere else that's not my house or school. sorry for being a burden to you all. thank you xx

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