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Cash-Strapped Subway Threatens To Reveal Identities Of Customers Who Eat Subway If They Don’t Pay
Show Off Your Unique Mommy Style With A Handmade Wicker Car Seat
Local Teen Invents Masturbation
Get The Onion Member Exclusive Tote Bag with the Onion Membership
Death Row Inmate Exonerated Mere Hours After Execution
Where Do You Rank On The Overall Mom Leaderboard
More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns
BREAKING: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test
What Kind Of Mom Stick Is Right For You?
GigSlave App Goes Public
Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine
Men Fired In Wake Of #MeToo Come Forward About How It Took Them Several Hours To Find New Jobs
The Key To Getting Pregnant Is Letting Everyone Know You’re Trying
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
Meat Prices Skyrocket After Cow Smashing Machine Gets All Beefed Up
It’s A Mom’s Right To Decide Whether Her Kids Ride A Stranger’s Dog
MotherShould: Baby Naming Tips for New Moms
NASA Discovers This Planet, Planet Earth, Just Might Be What It's Been Searching For All Along
Comcast Executive's One Man Show Now Mandatory Viewing For All Subscribers
Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights
Trump Administration Freezes Foreign Men
Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
Immigrant Explains Difficulty Assimilating To Culture That Constantly Reboots Film Franchises
Colorado Boy Asks Nation Not To Find His Missing Little Brother
Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody
The Seven Male Role Models Every Child Needs For A Healthy Upbringing
White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
This Day In History The Invention Of The Handjob
White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
U.N. Warns Iran Stockpiling Creatine To Develop Washboard Abs
U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
Ten Percent Of U S High School Students Graduating Without Basic Object Permanence Skills
Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend
How To Successfully Sue Other Moms Who Steal Your Parenting Tricks
The Onion Reviews 'Spider-Man Homecoming'
Trump Orders His Face Added To The Pep Boys Logo
Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks
Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks
Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
The Onion x Kenneth Cole
Mother Advocates For Right To Expose Milk Engorged Breasts in Public
FEMA Head Under Fire After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System
Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law
FEMA Head Under Fire After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System
Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day
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