@Willow-oc9pw

1 year ago

‘Senior’; I love the look on his face when I call him that. Today too, I ask for his help with the translation of a Greek passage. He gently puts down his quill as he takes the book from my hand and begins to look through it. I get lost in my own observations as he works; his little head tilts when he got stuck, his furrowed eyebrows as he concentrated and pursed lips whenever he made a mistake and had to scratch it out. I was never good at art, but I could always draw him in my mind. His forever pushed back hair, thick eyebrows, sharp nose, big lips and a neutral jawline. Overall he had an earthy look that I could never get over. Once again, I am brought out of my thoughts by the extended scratch of his quill; he was done. ‘So, is there any paragraph you are still having difficulty with?’ I quickly look through before he catches on I was never paying attention to begin with; I inquire about a few more lines before thanking him and returning to my place. You might have guessed it already, but I am not as bad at Greek as I let on. I always hide my Greek test scores from him in case he catches on. My friends don’t understand why I do what I do. Why not just go for it? Because I like it this way. What? Can’t a girl be a little greedy? Besides, my little pretense of being dumber than I actually am isn’t hurting anyone and especially not him. Him though, he was the finest guy I’d ever seen… okay, no of course he wasn’t. He was nowhere close to perfection. It was obviously visible in my eyes too and yet I felt drawn to him for some indistinct reason. He was certainly not a bad person but even if he was I know I’d still hover around him. Perhaps hover around him and try to drag him away from every wrong thing he itched to do. I just know that’s be it. That I’d be blaming the heavens for not letting me meet him earlier, before this toxic person. That I should’ve been there to drag him away. I just know nothing much would’ve changed even if he was a different person. He spent a lot of time doing Calculus. He would gladly take on problems of others and try to solve them himself and would visit the library to borrow certain books in case it was something he hadn’t come across yet. I was starting to get jealous of Calculus. Every time he got stuck on a problem I couldn’t help but get to the library earlier, fish out the book and bookmark the certain page before leaving quickly so he couldn’t catch on. I had already taken Calculus last year and passed with a good enough score but when I saw him as the Calculus Professor’s assistant this year I couldn’t help but enroll myself in again. This of course gave me more excuses; inquiring him about every slightly complicated looking thing. It’s a miracle when the Professor makes no comments about me not strutting to the front of the class every time she asks a student to solve something and only throws a few raised eyebrows my way every now and then when I ask him questions. It takes until the very last class right before the midterm for her to tell me to stay back after class hours. ‘Samuel huh?’ I raise my eyes to meet hers and am greeted by an unknown glint in them, an almost knowing look. I manage out a ‘Yeah’ before she nods curtly and turns at her heels not before pausing to put a hand on my shoulder; ‘As long as you make sure to excel at your exams’ before walking away briskly. I am left standing bewildered as I begin to take in what just happened. So far I’ve only been able to keep up with my façade of being a junior only because she stayed quiet about me, not to like brag or anything but I was her assistant last year and besides it wouldn’t hurt to actually appear for the exams again. Except it did, just a little though. I sat there staring at that 2 mark question itching to solve it even as I could already solve it in my head and just needed to write it down. I am not used to this at all; holding back at the slightest. Instead I find myself cracking my knuckles as the paper is taken away. I met him right outside, observing the question paper: how typical I think to myself. From his relaxed eyebrows alone I could tell he did well. I walk away satisfied. I was right. He came first by two marks. Lord, we would’ve been tied and he would’ve stopped giving me lessons. After catching up he asked me where I messed up. I thought I saw something flash in his eyes as I answered but then it was gone as soon as it came. A strange thing started to occur as I studied by myself in the library for my thesis that I had to submit by the end of the year. I’d get up for a moment or so to fetch something and come back to a steaming cup of coffee with no one around; I mostly studied around dawn. I first thought of not accepting them but then it reminded me of my little thing for Samuel and I ended up drinking them. I was never a big coffee enthusiast but I soon started taking a liking to the creamy and rich texture. Few days later a printed message appeared on the cup sleeve : I don’t know how else to help. I left the cup sleeve on the desk that day with a mini smiley scrawled at a corner. Meanwhile things were still the same with Samuel but it was finally starting to take a toll on me. By the time I arrived for the fifty minute lecture I’d be sleep deprived, too sleep deprived to ask him anything barely taking in my surroundings. Then on a random day he tugged my sleeve to stop me after class. I could barely keep my eyelids open as I looked at him with confusion. He quietly handed coffee in a thermal cup. I wordlessly took it with a nod of appreciation as. Upon taking I sip I nodded the sticky note with a printed message: ‘Can you let me take it from here?’ I stare at it for a moment and then at him still at my side. Realization sinks in a second late. I quietly look at him as he lifts his hand slowly holding onto something small. It’s a bunch of small plastic bookmarks with smiley faces on them. They look like the ones I used- God I’ve been stupid. I reach for them but he raises his hand above my reach. ‘Also the question you left was the topic you always asked me to explain. Senior, could you answer my question now?’ I am quite taken aback by that one word and I’m sure it shows even though I try not to. I quietly takeout a pen, scribble something on the cup sleeve, separate it and give it back to him before turning to walk away from him to finish the rest of my coffee. I haven’t gone far but I am called from behind; ‘Senior’ I get chills at that. I turn to Samuel, no I turn to a smiling Samuel holding the cup sleeve with an identical smiley on it next to his text. Nah, I think to myself as I take in all of him. He’s too pretty to be compared to my scrawls. twitter and IG: @julyswillow

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