ImmersiveAmbientModecolor: #e1d1d1 (color 1)
Video Format : 22 (720p) openh264 ( https://github.com/cisco/openh264) mp4a.40.2 | 44100Hz
Audio Format: Opus - Normalized audio
PokeTubeEncryptID: 0e79395649bae39636676b0e1bb50320cca90e2e84d2b4172f0d4f0f610eac742a24e006fbcc98c15be5eceefd18f4e3
Proxy : eu-proxy.poketube.fun - refresh the page to change the proxy location
Date : 1715898880496 - unknown on Apple WebKit
Mystery text : eW9fbi1YdGhLZ1kgaSAgbG92ICB1IGV1LXByb3h5LnBva2V0dWJlLmZ1bg==
143 : true
47,551 Views ā¢ Apr 9, 2023 ā¢ Click to toggle off description
BUY THE GREEN PAPERBACK OF MY BESTSELLING IRISH NOVEL 'GLASS HOUSES' NOW! www.easons.com/glass-houses-melanie-murphy-9781473ā¦
Follow me on INSTAGRAM for updates between videos: instagram.com/melaniiemurphy/?hl=en
Views : 47,551
Genre: People & Blogs
Date of upload: Apr 9, 2023 ^^
Rating : 4.623 (255/2,452 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2023-06-29T19:33:07.596122Z
See in json
YouTube Comments - 270 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
People have so much trauma, especially women, who didnt receive help, and they did it all on their own, they can not imagine you asking for help and wanting your partner involved in your family life and your own life, which is healthy. I feel sorry that you received such a message. I am a mother of one young child and every day wish i would have help. It is the hardest experience(and most beautiful) having children. I wish the day comes where we heal these traumas especially women.
107 |
Can i just say, I LOVE the fact that your dad lives with you.
It makes me so sad to imagine my parents or parent being alone when they grow old
31 |
That commenter was incredibly rude! My dad used to go away for half the month for work, my mum also worked part time. She always seemed tired! My parents were amazing in so many way but they both admit they would rather dad had stayed closer. I am SO happy for you that your husband is closer now, it does genuinely make a monumental difference day to day and for that commenter to judge you is ridiculous. Thank you for talking about this š
62 |
I'm watching this as someone who has (at this point in life) chosen to remain child free. Listening to you talk about how exhausting and hard and overwhelming it can be, even when there is help, as amazing as it can be and as wonderful as kids are... I just could not imagine being able to handle it. When you explained going into the other room and banging your head, this is me now before kids. Although I can't relate to how you feel, I can empathise with the pure exhaustion, overwhelm, chasing your tail, treading water feeling. Thanks for keeping it real, you're doing an amazing job. It's hard not to take those little comments (which are the minority) personally. Lots of love x
18 |
I am not a mother, and it is by choice but I never actually realised that quite a big part of me deciding not to have children is because I don't think I can do it alone. There's other elements too of course, not saying I regret anything but still. I really think we need to change the way we look at this. Even if a person is a single parent, it should be natural to help them out where needed without judging them or them feeling shameful. Good video, Melanie!
21 |
I just turned twenty nine and have always dreamed of having children. But lately I've been seeing and exposing myself to more of the realities of motherhood and not just cute babies. I've had a really hard life so far, ptsd from lots of severe trauma, I've finally turned my life around and have the most amazing partner. All I've wanted is to be a mother but I have to be honest, watching the realities of it and experiences from mothers makes me soo so terrified. I just don't know if I'm ready and I know you never are but I'm so afraid about fucking up my childs life because I can't cope with the stress of it all :/. I'm also very afraid about losing my identity and losing my connection with my partner with all the stress parenthood brings on. It really does seem superhuman nowadays to raise a child when we're all meant to be working constantly and still struggles to afford the basics.
20 |
I love the point you make about itās ok not to be āindependentā and being co-dependant isnāt a bad thing !! Preach this !!
42 |
I am a single mom, but I have so much help. It is so necessary to ask for help, if not I wouldnāt be able to take care of my toddler as they deserve. My kidās grandma (fatherās mom) is my biggest support and Iām so gratefull, because I NEED the help. So yeah, thanks for talking about this topic Melanie š
6 |
I'm a man in my early 20s and so many of your videos help me come to terms with my own issues. They have since high school honestly. š My girlfriend of nearly 5 years left for a while to study abroad and I didn't realize how much of an effect it had on me to go from spending most days together to suddenly being in largely different timezones, maybe only having a quick half hour conversation per day. Even several months after her coming back, that time apart still affects me. I don't want to use the word "traumatized" per se, but yeah. It affected my sleep, I dissociated a lot, had an inconsistent appetite etc. For a while I thought maybe I was wrong to be so affected by it, like maybe I was being codependent or toxic, but I'm trying to make my peace with it. Anyway, I appreciate the videos Melanie! Thank you for the insight!
12 |
I am a psychotherapist in the US and I loved hearing you discuss the importance of asking for help. We as humans were not designed to do it all alone! I don't have kids but I love hearing you talk about motherhood! If you do decide to give yourself a little makeover, that would be a fun video!
10 |
āEven if you have to pay for helpā ā¦
This is the disconnect and the reason you might be getting negative feedback. Many parents now have NO village of family support and canāt afford to pay for help. Where I live the going rate is $30/hr + for a babysitter. We see our families a small number of times a year and when do they arenāt āhelpingā. We simply canāt justify the cost of paying babysitter .. so we never get a break. My husband and I havenāt had a night away in 4yrs, since becoming parents. We never get time together without the kids. Ever. While you personally donāt deserve to be on the receiving end of peopleās resentment I can understand why you might experience some.
22 |
I'm so glad you made this video, and that Thomas is going to be home so much more! It is always okay to express that you are struggling, that you need help, or that things have felt unmanageable and you are grateful that they are going to become more manageable. Other people having different struggles does not mean that your struggles do not matter or that you should hide them away. I can see how people going through a really hard time may feel compelled to lash out at others they perceive as "having it easier," but that is just not fair. Maybe they have been made to feel they cannot complain, or feel that others do not hear or respect how much they have been struggling. But we shouldn't make other people feel like that to try to make ourselves feel more valid in the struggles and obstacles we face. Parenting is hard, always, and having two young kids with a partner who isn't home much of the week is a huge challenge! Thank you for talking about this. Sending so much love and well wishes to you and your family <3
2 |
I'm not a parent but I really appreciated what you said about feeling physically different when you're apart from your loved one for a while. Me and my partner live about 2hrs apart, I work 9-5 Wednesday to Friday and he works weekends. We have Mondays and Tuesdays together... Because that's when we're both at uni, where we met. So during term time, on top of the stress of both trying to do an MA whilst working and living quiet far apart, we also rarely get a full day together. We can only see each other after work when we're exhausted, or before class if I get a very early train... And arrive exhausted. Before I met him, I never would've thought I'd feel the way you described, I honestly probably would've thought it was "Co dependant". But he's my favourite person for a reason- why on earth would I not want to be with my favourite person? We've both told each other that when we see each other again after being apart a few days, it feels exactly like curling up in a soft bed under a weighted blanket- he calms me down, even if there's nothing to worry about.
We've made the decision to move in together in September, even though its quiet a bit earlier than is typical in a relationship- but fuck the rules, fuck the 'norms', I cannot wait to live with him because life will just be SO much easier not only because we both just get to live a normal routine together and aren't passing ships like you said, but also because we're both just calmer and happier around each other. He's my weighted blanket, I can't wait to have him around all the time ā¤ļø
14 |
I think itās completely fair and valid for you to say Ā«Ā HEY! This is too much for me to do alone and sometimes I feel alone because my circumstances are not what I thought it would be in terms of helpĀ Ā». Like you said you thought you would have Thomas with you. Also being a parent is a full time job on top of lifeās other jobs and responsibilities. Itās hard to be a mom (Iām not but solely for the reason that it simply would be just too much for me). So you sharing your very understandable feelings about wanting more help shouldnāt be under scrutiny by strangers on the internet. Everyoneās situations are different and you have privileges for sure that others do not have, but youāve admitted you have them! You shouldnāt have to apologize for it. You always preach about gratitude and like it comes off in your content so much. Iām glad you shared your feelings about this because thatās definitely a tough feeling to have about your viewers having these thoughts about your life (a life they only see glimpses of).
26 |
Melanie, I'm following you for years and I feel you have the kindest heart. I think such messages from people are often a reflection of something in their life, maybe they are struggling with something in their life, or maybe they are in a similar position as you, with little light at the end of the tunnel. So please don't take this too much to hear. Being a mother, being married, taking care of kids in all the ways is hard work (speaking from an experience seeing this with my sister and her life, not from my own, so can only say I have huge empathy and compassion for your situation and the hardship of the last few years) sending much love, x
27 |
I really appreciate your videos like this, Melanie - Iām in my late 20ās and dating a pilot and and I find it so helpful to hear what your life is like and what my future may look like as well. Itās really helped me understand what Iām getting into, and encouraging to see that even though itās hard, you are still able to make it work ā¤
|
I loved how you used that comment to reflect on connection, community, shame, guilt, etc. I think the way you share your experience can be very helpful for a lot of people. š
19 |
I'm so sorry you received that comment! Some people have no empathy and I think that is a huge problem in our society. I think it's wonderful that you depend on Thomas, and vice versa. I depend on my husband so much! Teamwork makes the dream work.
I am so relieved when my husband gets home from work everyday as I'm a stay at home mom currently. It's not that I am doing less of anything because dinner needs made, etc., but just having him there makes me feel so much better! (he of course helps too - fathers are as much parents as moms are!!)
So glad you're feeling relieved with Thomas' new schedule! You (and everyone else) deserve a village, help and space to human and recharge. ššš
11 |
I see where the messenger is coming from, a lot of people don't have a grandparent who can provide childcare or parents close by who can help. It must be very difficult for parents who have no outside help to see that sometimes. I also think that some women in older generations just felt that they had to get on with childrearing alone and not talk about anything that was difficult. The fact that things are being talked about more now and that father's are expected to take a much more active role is a good thing.
15 |
@FarrenDowning
1 year ago
Sending you so much love for talking about this but so much more love for those poor parents who feel like that talking about needing time for you as well as support in parenthood is a bad thing. Everyone needs support, that's why people don't often opt to being a single parent from the get go, parenthood is hard that's why you need support from friends, family, your partner. Nurseries, childminders etc are there for a reason. You can't juggle everything and even if you don't work you still need some you time to ensure you can give your best self to your baby/children. It does take a village so why would you shoot down people who are making the use of theirs. It's hard when you don't have a village but seek support, you can have a village. You don't have to just put on a stiff upper lip and deal with it because you're a parent. That's too much for anyone's shoulders.
164 |