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342,406 Views âą Premiered Aug 17, 2022 âą Click to toggle off description
Monthly Healing Community
www.patrickteahantherapy.com/healing-community/
In this video we cover: codependency, shame, mental boundaries, confirming, attachment, highly sensitive person, triggers, survival strategy, therapy, childhood trauma, toxic family systems, boundaries, inner child, , c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hsp, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:40 Connect With Me
4:57 About Codependent Navigating
6:30 #1: Kill 'em With Kindness
8:01 #1: Kill 'em With Kindness | How It's From Childhood
9:32 #1: Kill 'em With Kindness | How to Work on It
10:41 #2: Head Them Off at the Pass
12:29 #2: Head Them Off at the Pass | How It's From Childhood
14:44 #2: Head Them Off at the Pass | How to Work on It
15:41 #3: Check it Out (x5) - Not Trusting
18:41 #3: Check it Out (x5) - Not Trusting | How It's From Childhood
19:24 #3: Check it Out (x5) - Not Trusting | How to Work on It
20:15 #4: Sneaky Questions
22:28 #4: Sneaky Questions | How It's From Childhood
23:41 #4: Sneaky Questions | How to Work on It
24:30 Final Thoughts
26:36 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
âĄïž linktr.ee/patrickteahan
MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
   âąÂ Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream Â
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â ïž Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
Views : 342,406
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Premiered Aug 17, 2022 ^^
Rating : 4.971 (146/19,870 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-14T20:56:54.408739Z
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YouTube Comments - 1,763 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
What made it easy for me to move away from this behavior was to realize that they would push healthy people away while keeping toxic people around. Healthy people sense the manipulation in your eggshell-walking around them and feel automatically uncomfortable around someone who is terrified of taking up space and being authentic. It subtly communicates the message to them that you see them as a treat and that's not exactly a compliment. Healthy people WANT others to have boundaries because people with boundaries and preferences are inherently easier to be around and allow others to be themselves too.
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âAllow others to experience you, not what you provide for themâ is hitting me hard because my first impulse is, what I provide for others IS who/what I am. If Iâm not providing for them, then what is there to experience? Not sure how to process that one, but definitely need to process it. I think I donât have a sense of self or identity, I only see myself as what I can contribute. And at this stage in my life of chronic illness, I receive far more than I am able to give, and itâs been a huge point of self loathing that I have nothing to give or canât reciprocate.
1.6K |
"Allow people to experience you, not what you provide." Well, that hit very deeply - exactly where it should.
249 |
"People pleasing is enjoyed by those who take advantage." Now I know that I need MUCH stronger boundaries!
660 |
âNavigating the world without an adult behind youâ was terrifying growing up. I feel like I lack a lot of things now on top of battling CPTSD.
1.4K |
i'm currently living with a woman who got out of an abusive home recently and the roleplay at the beginning was EXACTLY how she talks. i thanked her for cleaning the sink recently and she responded by apologizing that she hadn't cleaned the rest of the bathroom. hope she becomes more comfortable as things go on because she deserves to be.
670 |
I woke up one day in the past few weeks to my inner child being gone. That energy body within me that formed in my childhood, that used to run my life is integrated into the rest of me. I'm no longer reactive to every day situations, I don't get triggered and I can communicate to others much more effectively. My inner child has dissolved through doing a lot of this work consistently. I caught myself the other day instinctively enacting my boundaries with someone who was breadcrumbing me and trying to get me to self-abandon to meet their needs. Thats the same behaviour I would have accepted a year ago and responded to by codependently trying to please. I was so surprised with myself. I didn't recognize this new version of me. It made me so proud. My body is markedly more relaxed. I don't get adrenalized and the constant tightness in my belly and my stomach problems have all but disappeared. I no longer have crippling social anxiety on a daily basis. I can talk to strangers without feeling like crawling into myself. I feel so at ease. I feel so in control of my inner world and so at peace. This is why life felt so miserable and difficult before, because my inner world was so chaotic and reactive. I never imagined I could live in this state. This work is so rewardingâ€
581 |
Try to spot one of my kittens trying to get into my office towards the end
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141 |
Even that question âdo you navigate people?â causes me so much discomfort and shame. Because the very fact that itâs a question means NOT doing it is an option which blows my mind while simultaneously causing me to realize it probably shouldnât blow my mind.
269 |
âKilling them with kindness is beneath youâ- I really needed to hear this one. Now I need to put it in practice
5 |
The part about fulfilling others' needs without knowing our own hits so close to home...
109 |
6:35 "KILL'EM WITH KINDNESS" - being totally accommodating to others. May be caused by having a moody parent or a selfless codependent parent. To counteract it, practice doing "good enough" behaviors.
10:48 "HEAD'EM OFF AT THE PASS" - predicting how others will react and getting out ahead of them; overexplaining. May be caused by having to fill in parental holes in the family; having perfectionistic parents; having to figure things out without any parental guidance. Experiment with not having a response for everything. Answer questions without a backstory or an apology. Stop forecasting other people's needs or trying to impress them with your ability to do that. Allow others to experience you, not what you provide for them.
15:44 "CHECK IT TIMES 5 (NOT TRUSTING)" - repeatedly questioning others, neurotically testing others to see if they are on the same page. Comes off as badgering others. May be caused by neglectful parenting, having experienced major catastrophes in childhood. Experiment with confirming plans with others only once.
20:22 "SNEAKY QUESTIONS" - asking indirect questions instead of expressing thoughts and requests directly. May be caused by parental overreactions to children's questions and requests. Try journaling about how being direct growing up wasn't safe and ways parents themselves were indirect.
538 |
I did this to my therapist once when she asked when to schedule our next meeting. I gave her the whole song and dance, like âdoes this work for you? If not I understand, it was my fault we missed a week, blah blahâ. She said âGennifer, Iâm not an ogre đNext time, just tell me what works and it will be way faster for us bothâ. Totally put it into perspective for me! I am safe now, I donât have to walk on eggshells with everyone in my life like I did as a child.
26 |
That moment when he said "I'm proud of you" by validating my childhood survival traits slammed me so fast and so hard, I started crying out of nowhere and had to stop the video for nearly 30 minutes. How POWERFUL that childhood validation is. My nerves are already shot. I will come back to this later...
119 |
Wow, this was so helpful. My father was emotionally unavailable and my mother's go to emotion was anger and rage. I was never shown healthy ways to communicate or have disagreements, or love someone. I negotiate around people because inside I feel that anyone can harbor that emotional time bomb. When they detonate I think "see, you know how unpredictable and unstable people are and you weren't ready".
I would have given anything to have heard so many of your talks when I was little. It was the 70s. No computers, and awareness of childhood trauma was almost non existent. Thank You Patrick. Ive come a long way but I still have so much to work on.
45 |
âHead em off at the passâ is basically my entire personality in a nutshell. I will perfectly position myself, make sure all the dominos are lined up with 10 contingencies, before I express myself. I always feel like Iâm not âallowedâ to be upset with someone else if I myself am not absolutely perfect. I make sure I have a prepared answer for everything and anticipate how I believe the other person will react to best keep the peace while making sure eyes arenât on me. If I air a grievance I make sure to ask over and over if it isnât actually MY fault they messed up (a huge problem at work). I would never âbotherâ my husband with anything because I didnât want him to feel âobligatedâ to me, so I would always make excuses for him. I would try to make things easier for others while over complicating things, then have an absolute meltdown if anything messed up or someone got annoyed. Its the hardest codependent habit to break and I donât know if Iâm ready to yet, tbh. It feels safe.
355 |
My mother was raised to be kind, unselfish, and super Christian, and asking for something for yourself was bad. So when I shall visit her, she starts with: «When do you come?»
Me: «When is best for you?»
She: «Itâs the same for me. You decide.»
Me: «Ok, itâs best for me at 10. I can't be late.»
She: «10-10:30?»
Me: «Ok.»
Then she calls a few hours later: «When will you come again? Was it 11?»
Me: «10-10:30.»
She: «Oh yes, 10.30-11.»
The next days she calls several times to âconfirmâ when I was coming, and you guess it, slowly she manipulates me to come at 12 oâclock which was her preferred time from the beginning. Both cute and sad. She is a very kind lady, but itâs sad to think about her whole life she was like this, never could speak out her own needs, and now she's ninety.
271 |
I totally maneuver in these ways. Over explaining, and Guessing the outcome before an interaction. Being in as much control as possible makes me feel safe. You've explained Codependency far better than my therapist did when I brought up these issues with her. I appreciate the use of the word "Maneuvers" over Manipulations, since I'm not trying to do these things to hurt people; I'm just trying to be safe because I learned that I had to do this to protect myself with a neglectful, unpredictable parent in my childhood. Finally putting some things together. Thank you Patrick!
130 |
Growing up I didnât know how to express my inner needs were not meant. I felt ashamed for having âextraâ needs from my parents. I was clothed, feed, and sheltered. We were lower class with little money. Love was something wealthy families could afford I thought. I was little adult taking care of my own needs and grew up to be a child because I was a child raising myself. I wasnât a adult I had no skills to teach myself. I had only the ability to hide my parents downfall as not good enough parents to other adults.
27 |
@MadameDesu
1 year ago
I caught myself asking a slightly sneaky question yesterday to my partner. âAre you warm, do you want me to turn on the AC?â They said no and I felt weirdly disappointed. Then I realized that I was the one who was feeling warm and wanted the AC on. I didnât even realize it in the moment, my default was to defer to my partner.
1.6K |