@crusty3731

1 year ago

A year ago I was going through a scary stage of Anhedonia. (It's a form of depression where you can't feel any emotions) I couldn't laugh, cry or smile. It makes you feel like a robot. You lose your purpose, you feel no joy from anything. All the things you used to love, they don't matter anymore. Sometimes I'd even watch gore videos online of people being killed just to feel something. Even fear was better than no emotions at all. I just needed something to remind me I was human. Then one day, about 2 months into the seemingly endless state of numbness, I was scrolling through my phone while listening to a random YouTube playlist from my TV to kill the silence. And this song came up. As it played, it looked to me like the colours of the room became more vibrant, and my heart felt like it was beating again. I sat upright in my seat and just stared at the TV. As I listened, my eyes started to water and I started to cry tears of happiness. I smiled and thought, 'Holy shit, I can feel emotions again.' I listened to the song over and over again every day. Every time I went to work, I just wanted to get back in my car so I could hear the song again. I was addicted to it. Eventually the euphoric feeling started to wear off because I'd heard it too much. I kept trying to bring emotions back by playing the song again and again but it didn't work. I spent the next 6 months back in my numb state. Nothing else could make me happy again. I got better over time, I started taking medication and got therapy. My head isn't in a perfect state but it's much better than back then. Yesterday I played this song again after almost a year of not hearing it. I smiled to myself because I remembered how much it helped me. It brought colour to my life and made me feel human again. Even if it was only for a short while, it gave me hope that I could get better. Even though it wasn't your intention to have this effect on anyone, you did. This simple act of posting a song was a potential difference between life and death. If I hadn't heard it, I may have lost hope and given up on life. So, thank you. I hope that you have a good life that's filled with happiness. I hope you live it to the fullest and have no regrets.

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