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326,765 Views ā€¢ Jun 30, 2022 ā€¢ Click to toggle off description
Support the channel by watching this video ad-free on Nebula: nebula.tv/videos/lilyalexandre-why-is-queer-discouā€¦

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Social media has broken LGBTQ discourse. Can we fix it?

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Patreon: patreon.com/lily_lxndr
Twitter: twitter.com/lily_lxndr
Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/lily_lxndr
Instagram: instagram.com/lily_lxndr

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Rabbit holes:
Black Trans Archive blacktransarchive.com/
Tretter Transgender Oral History Project www.lib.umn.edu/collections/special/tretter/transgā€¦
Queer Zine Archive Project archive.qzap.org/index.php/Splash/Index

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Thanks to Maddie Harney for talking to me about the early queer internet. Her Twitter is here: twitter.com/lisaquestions

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Sources & further reading:
Washington Post article on gay bar closures www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2021/12/10/lesbia-ā€¦
Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries zine, with several pieces by Sylvia Rivera transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/2019-03-ā€¦
Stone Butch Blues PDF lesliefeinberg.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Stonā€¦
Algorithmic Desire: Toward a New Structuralist Theory of Social Media nupress.northwestern.edu/9780810143333/algorithmicā€¦
The DSM-5 and depathologization www.thetaskforce.org/invalidating-transgender-idenā€¦
ICD-11 and depathologization tgeu.org/icd-11-depathologizes-trans-and-gender-diā€¦

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Table of contents:
0:00 Why are we like this?
01:32 Awful
11:37 Atomized
16:57 Amnesic
26:38 Repair?
Metadata And Engagement

Views : 326,765
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Jun 30, 2022 ^^


Rating : 4.836 (827/19,287 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-15T19:57:58.57536Z
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YouTube Comments - 1,787 Comments

Top Comments of this video!! :3

@davidpictures6809

1 year ago

As a bi dude I don't like lgbt discourse. I just want to get to the lgbt intercourse.

4K |

@sugarvomitt4831

1 year ago

As a student, I've noticed that social media is more like stereotypical movie highschool than any place I've attended. It has all of the cliques, drama, bullying and toxic behavior featured in those movies. IRL school is a lot more chill. People mostly keep to themselves nowadays

3.8K |

@stushi

1 year ago

"I don't wanna be an inclusionist or exclusionist. I wanna hang out with my friends in a park." Just summarized ur own video perfectly there

1.7K |

@MartinGiadrosich

1 year ago

I just want you to know I misread the title as "Why is Queer Dinosaurs so toxic" and it took me a while to realize you were not going to talk about some show I never heard of.

1.5K |

@machinelifeform5623

1 year ago

"I WILL dead-name big tech and you CANNOT stop me." SO TRUE

342 |

@povarensky

1 year ago

One thing that pisses me off the most about online discourse - is constant demand to ā€œactā€ - now, fast and a lot. Like ā€œthereā€™s a problem - act now!!ā€ - NO. Itā€™s a for sure a way to become a part of evil. Why: because you donā€™t have a decent amount of time to actually think about what you doing. It makes a lot of fuzz and pointless ā€œwide gesturesā€ that sometimes not only do not help, but make things worse.

625 |

@person1374

1 year ago

I joined twitter when I was 12 because I had no queer community. I found one. It made me miserable. It made me act in ways, say things, and believe things I regret. I'm honestly still recovering from the way it all warped my mind. I left twitter during the pandemic, and now I have a small community of real friends who make me happy. Definitely recommend.

3.7K |

@supremeoverlord0

1 year ago

This was the gentlest, most informative way to say it's better for everyone if we touch more grass, haha. Never been a fan of purity culture- I left the church I was indoctrinated into so I could get away from all those things and try to be more of myself. I hope we can somehow largely get past this. Thanks for all of the info sources at the end- I can't wait to check them out.

3.5K |

@MrAmazingAwesomeness

1 year ago

I recently went to an event by The Generations Project and they had a bunch of queer elders telling stories about their past - one of them was an activist with the Gay Liberation Front and told us about how the gay men wouldn't let the lesbians lead, so they ended up doing their own thing and she literally told a mafia man with a gun pointed at her head that she didn't care how much he threatened her. I definitely think things like these that get us in community with our elders would be a big part of the solution.

1.4K |

@shapescolours8105

1 year ago

I think part of the issue when it comes to toxic queer discourse online is itā€™s the same things coming up over and over again. As people age up and learn the younger people who havenā€™t learned yet move in and keep it going. This plays off what the right wing talking points of any given year are as well. The popularity of reactionary content isnā€™t helping either.

2.1K |

@marnenotmarnie259

1 year ago

this is so good. i've been saying for a while that people are way too obsessed with comebacks and pettiness. twitter was bad enough and then tiktok took it to whole other level. they leave absolutely no room for perceived error, and if you used to believe something different to what you believe now you are automatically a horrible person. there's no forgiveness, no room to grow, and no genuine discussion. what's the point of that??? it only pushes people away :(

351 |

@gatts205

1 year ago

Honestly. I as a gay man felt very isolated for most of my life. I'm masc and live in a rural community with little internet access until recently. I feel really disconnected with most online queer/gay discourse. I do my best but I don't understand most of it. It seems a lot more angry then I would hope for.

208 |

@kathythai

1 year ago

when i was younger i thought we all learned things as a culture, like "peak arguments have been made, everyone gets that X is wrong right? cool, next progressive step forward!" but seeing the same arguments made online year after year (sometimes escalating) freaks me out, like we'll never escape the quicksand of the same base talking points and it's the end of mean girls over and over again.

255 |

@sh-bp4iw

1 year ago

i came out as trans on tumblr in the early 2010s and i really do wish i had been more connected to the people around me (cis and trans) rather than burning bridges and convincing myself that everyone must secretly hate and misgender me. i'm so much happier now, connected to the people around me and having zero arguments on the internet

372 |

@eliebelkin6273

1 year ago

"Queer Twitter" is so incredibly twee and sanitized and it aggravates me so much lol. I think the trend that pisses me off the most is the way people on it talk about learning and growing as people where it's always like fucking carrd infographics or whatever that present themselves as the sole and unambiguous correct take on whatever issue, or people saying they "dont know" why something is good or bad and need someone to tell them. It feels like instead of a community of distinct people its just supposed to be a totally homogenized group with the same thoughts, manners of speaking, etc and the goal of discourse is to determine who has the right to "inform people" what the truth is instead of hosting a community of individuals that are allowed to, like, disagree? It's totally antithetical to what queer spaces and communities ought (at least in my opinion to be): places where you get to learn that there's more than one correct way of being a person, and that you don't have to blandly assimilate into what (cishet) society thinks a successful life, relationship, or identity is. This sort of sanitized, homogenized community and society is literally the thing we've been fighting to move away from. It's part of why I just don't use any public social medias and stick to Discord, which for all its faults at least (like the old forums, or at least what they allegedly were like...) hosts communities that avoid cycling through the same 5 insipid arguments about what labels are valid to put in your bio or whatever. The worst one imo is the stuff about the "toothpaste flag" or whatever people call the blue and green one that's supposed to represent mlms, like I literally cannot conceive of a more pointless thing to argue about. okay rant over lol. on a more positive note your cat is adorable! i hope they are never forced to read 280 characters worth of debate over flag color schemes

862 |

@TheOneSevenNine

1 year ago

i couldn't hold in laughter - "working on farms and touring with your band" is a such an incredibly montreal thing to talk about at a dead gay bar. i think about 40% of the lgbts in this city have done both of those

466 |

@1derb0y

1 year ago

I came out as gay in the 80's. Life was much simpler then. No internet. Gay Pride Day (as it was known back then) was one day/weekend, and if you didn't live in an area with a gay bar/bookstore -- there was no real "community". Gay men and lesbians seemed more united back then because we had a common goal: to live our lives they way we wanted without getting fucked with by family, employers, landlords and neighbors. We wanted to be able to marry who we chose. We wanted to be able to walk down the street with our partners without people hurling insults (and possibly also bricks) at us. Instead of fighting or debating one another, we should be working together.

175 |

@LiteWrites

1 year ago

Not to be an absolute simp but I'm feeling a pretty similar way to you and "the discourse" has me similarly fatigued. I've made some new gay friends in real life and they're pretty cool for the most part. Do they make certain cringe takes? Yep. Are they constantly talking about it and arguing about drag queens reading nursery rhymes for kids? NOPE! I'm mainly just bored of this impossibly high standard I have had of others and just am trying to meet people where they're at now.

670 |

@omnipotentfaces1514

1 year ago

I recently cut contact with a friend who would weaponise her knowledge on queer, feminism, mental health, social justice issues & terminology to manipulate and emotionally abuse me. She would gaslight me, set traps so she could tear me down, undermine or devalue me. I felt like I was walking on eggshells and had to moderate everything about myself & what I said. Iā€™m extremely leftist and I was raised in that environment with many queer family and friends, yet she would constantly try and reframe me as problematic and bigoted. Because she was so up on the language, aggressive and so righteous, it was like a cover for her narcissism and toxicity. All I want to say is that there are terrible people in every community and I hope nobody else has to go through this sort of abuse. You Can and Should call it out if you see/feel it, no matter if they seem amazing, positive, or ā€˜morally superiorā€™ on the outside šŸ’•

448 |

@eatee917

1 year ago

As a male het POC, I have felt similar about this in nearly all progressive pursuits. We often look to be comforted by our own individual echo chambers where people don't question our individual beliefs unfortunately. I hope we can all learn to engage with allies who may challenge ourselves so we can all learn together and build more unity. If one of us becomes oppressed, we all become oppressed.

246 |

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