@afish4086

1 year ago

Back in 2015, I had a fairly popular blog. I wrote stupid porn scenarios and poetry and for SOME god awful reason this caused teens to reach out to me about their problems. And the issue was that I cared. I cared a LOT about protecting these kids. If anyone came to me in crisis, I would give them steps to make a burner skype account and try to help - sometimes this involved teaching them how to find local health resources, work through scary social issues, or just talk about whatever they wanted until 6am and they safely got through the night - then I'd immediately head out to work at my shitty cafe job directly afterwards. I like to think I saved a lot of kids. I can't count how many times one of these kids would reach out later and say something like "it's been six months since we talked. I'm still here." Or "things DID get better. I almost didn't get to see it." I only ever "lost" one kid. She was a stranger from scottland who reached out to me on my personal skype. She was the first kid to ask for a video call, and I obliged. The way she was typing made me nervous. She was already overdosed and dying in front of me. I stayed calm and talked with her while my boyfriend furiously researched in the background how we contact poison control in Scotland - hell, how we could even send help to the right place. She didn't cooperate. She was committed. The last thing she said was "I'm glad I don't have to die alone. I'm glad you were nice." It damn-near broke me. So now, DRAMA. This one lady (she was twenty six, I was twenty one. Idk) was pretty vocal about her disdain for my "self-righteous goody-two-shoes fakeness" or whatever. She heard from someone about my literal, current truama of watching a child die and then .. used it. She started a rumor that I purposely talked that girl into committing suicide. That rumor spread into this concept that I'd done this MANY times. People who I previously helped were now going "oh my god that could have been me I was one of the lucky ones" Once the DOXing and death threats started, I deleted everything. Just went totally nuclear. Maybe that looks like an admission of guilt, but at the time I feared that maybe what I was doing was well and truly dangerous to these kids, and it was the only responsible thing to do. Haven't really done anything online since. Best decision of my life to delete my blog and all my social media, though. Massive detox I tell yeah

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