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The Morning After I Killed Myself
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7,837,933 Views ā€¢ Premiered Nov 29, 2020 ā€¢ Click to toggle off description
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

This is a poem by the extremely talented Meggie Royer.
šŸ”—www.facebook.com/MeggieRoyerPoetry/

I fell in love with this poem instantly, it felt so human, like the moment you truly connect with a friend. The main theme of this poem is a very serious one and the imagery is extremely heavy in my mind. I don't want this work to romanticize something that causes so much pain. The purpose of this video is to give strength to the brave people who fight demons in their heads. You are not alone Internet Friends, I hope you like this work.

Forever Humbled,
a kid with a camera

P.S. This wouldn't be possible without my friend who allowed me to film her walking the city, making coffee, and petting cats. www.instagram.com/melinoise/

šŸ”°Support me on Patreon: www.patreon.com/illneas

šŸ”°Find me here šŸ”—www.instagram.com/_illneas/
šŸ”—www.facebook.com/illneas/
šŸ”—twitter.com/illneas
šŸ”—open.spotify.com/artist/6RXfBqGg0YwfM7jVCTq79W?si=ā€¦

Second channel
šŸ”—Ā Ā Ā /Ā @akidwithacameraorjustillneasĀ Ā 

šŸ”°Communities
-discord.gg/kfxthmS3F4
-www.facebook.com/groups/2314655172176122/
-www.redlib.matthew.science/r/searchingformeaning/

šŸ”°References

-The narrator is Iness J.
Her email.
šŸ”—ijprojects.side@gmail.com

-The music is this:
Sentient - Gavin Luke

Thanks to Chubbz for helping me with the audio

šŸ”°My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
amzn.to/2uGqmQZ
GX80
amzn.to/33e5Tye
šŸ“·Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens
amzn.to/2vr9P3N

šŸ”°The morning after I killed myself by Meggie Royer

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighborsā€™ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldnā€™t finish w
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Views : 7,837,933
Genre: People & Blogs
Date of upload: Premiered Nov 29, 2020 ^^


Rating : 4.967 (4,890/591,649 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2022-04-09T15:14:37.215285Z
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YouTube Comments - 22,219 Comments

Top Comments of this video!! :3

@meggieroyer5724

3 years ago

Hello, I am the author of this piece and I wanted to thank illneas so much for creating this rendition! I'm truly grateful for his collaboration and support! I wrote this piece several years ago as someone who was suicidal and enduring a severe trauma. I'm continually humbled by the outpouring of support it has received. I posted it on my blog after I wrote it and never expected it to go viral. This piece was a letter to myself as a suicidal person, and so it may not resonate with everyone. I wrote it to myself and it was what I needed to hear at the time. Sending love to everyone who is currently or has been struggling to the point of considering suicide. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best across the world in the U.S. Have a wonderful day, everyone! Thank you again!

142K |

@mika-ie4ke

3 years ago

"too tired to stay too scared to leave"

37K |

@sody9798

3 years ago

Iā€™m not suicidal, Iā€™m just tired of living... Thereā€™s a difference... -Unknown

4.8K |

@ndubuisivictor7111

4 months ago

Dropping this comment here hoping someone likes this so i can come to rewatch it.

3.4K |

@Catbomb-..

2 months ago

I once tried to kill myself by hanging. As I was about to kick the chair away my cat ran to my room holding my old plushy I had lost. She looked at me looking like she was about to cry, we stared at each other for a long while. I couldnā€™t go through with it knowing at least 1 thing cared about me. my favorite thing loved me, she is the only thing that stopped me. I love her

235 |

@midge.

3 years ago

ā€œSuicide doesnā€™t take the pain away, it gives it to someone else.ā€

5.3K |

@davidthe16th90

3 years ago

The morning after I killed myself I fell in love with life

17K |

@Asher-_-4

5 months ago

There's a difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live. We should all understand that.

300 |

@Love_Yourself4830

4 months ago

I lost my 13-year-old daughter to suicide six months ago. As a form of self-therapy and means to try and help other people, I've been creating videos in which I explore nature and narrate my journey with grief. Content like this is also tremendously helpful. Thank you for taking the time to share this with the world.

2.4K |

@hiimangel763

3 years ago

ā€œthe bravest thing that person can do is to stay alive when they wanted to die.ā€

12K |

@Madouwithlove

3 years ago

this feel like a hug when you're actually suicidal

4.3K |

@tattoomesam

3 months ago

As a survivor and have been in that cold dark pit searching for an escape from this miserable experienceā€¦ just pauseā€¦ think of ur loved ones finding ur body. The last time I tried I felt my lips wrapped around the cold barrel. It tasted like a salty AA battery. In that moment I thought about my mom finding me. I cried and considered myself a failure once again. I woke up on my bathroom floor, still cold and the floor tile left an imprint on my face. I sold the gun I owned and started over. I managed to live another twenty years and got married and have a beautiful baby boy that is my universe. He was my reason for existing. Well itā€™s January 21, 2024 today, and my mom just died yesterday. And somehow YouTube recommended me this video. Thank you mom for being there when I needed you most. I know I wasnā€™t the greatest son in the world but I live each day trying to be a good father.

932 |

@teejaykaye4357

3 months ago

This made me cry. Iā€™ve been struggling with depression and burnout for what feels like a decade now and recently have noticed an uptick in suicidal ideation. I truly donā€™t want to die but sometimes I just donā€™t want to exist. Watching this beautiful video makes me realize I donā€™t want to die, I just want to feel alive again.

587 |

@hard_candy

3 years ago

"... who now sat in his desk at school, trying desperately to believe I still existed." Oof! That one hit me.

7.9K |

@ImmortalWazir

3 years ago

This is beautiful in a sad way.

6.8K |

@ominousintrusivethoughts3947

5 months ago

I killed myself once, I was brought back to life. My first reaction to living was anger. My second was confusion. My third was another attempt. My fourth was reconciliation. My fifth was profound happiness

111 |

@richard4short5

4 months ago

I was 23 and I was chatting with a girl at a party for quite a long while. She said she had to go home and with a quick "see ya around!" she was gone. I turned around to see a very forlorn looking younger man looking at the floor. "She's nice isn't she?" He murmured. I agreed and it turned out that she had just broken up with him and i offered him my comiserations, wished him luck and wandered off to my bedroom. The next day my fellow share housers were talking about how Vincent had turned the gas on and put his head into the oven when he got home from the party. I asked who Vincent was. He was the young man who looked forlorn.... 'The morning after I died' brought all that back to me just now. I'm 65 yo now.

2.6K |

@BlueberryRacha

3 years ago

"I'm too tired to stay...I'm too scared to leave" You don't wanna die, you just want relief...

15K |

@asteroid435

1 year ago

i was 13, i never expected to ever make it to 15 or even 14. I'm 17 now. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here.

3.5K |

@LovaBoy2212

3 months ago

I'm not suicidal I'm not alone I'm not unwanted I'm not worthless I'm just lost

37 |

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