@MusicForSoulAndSpirit

3 years ago

Hi there. Over the summer I developed a random onset of panic attacks. I didn’t know that anxiety could manifest in such a way, or that what I was experiencing was caused by anxiety. I went to hospital after hospital only to be told time and time again “no, you are not having a heart attack. No, nothing is wrong with you.” And having to leave panicked, in distress, with fears of dying. Swearing that there was something more wrong with me than just “anxiety.” After a couple of months, I began to abandon all hope. I couldn’t drive myself anywhere, couldn’t be alone, couldn’t use the bathroom by myself, and was so scared of dying in my sleep that someone had to sit with me and stay awake until I fell asleep. It began to seem useless. Like, what kind of life do I want to live if it has to be like this? I was (and still am) a full time college student at the time and the humility I faced by having to have someone drive me to my classes because I couldn’t do it on my own was immense. I did it though. But lo and behold, after 9 months of suffering, I have come to realize it was only the anxiety. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal or struggle with because my anxiety isn’t just a simple sweaty hand hold in a crowded area or a nervousness to face people, like I read online from other anxiety sufferers. My symptoms just didn’t fit the bill. I wasn’t nauseated, I didn’t feel anxious facing others, I was just fine giving a presentation to the class. No. I was scared that I was dying, my heart felt like it was twitching constantly, my legs would feel weak, I would feel weak, I would feel dizzy, I couldn’t swallow sometimes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe or that my breathing was restricted. I would get a stomach ache and immediately be convinced I was dying. And where did this all come from? I had never had any mental health struggles or anything similar to this. Suddenly I was experiencing panic attacks every few hours. It was quite hard to adjust when you go from completely normal to fearing death every day and not being able to do anything about it. But now, it’s getting easier. With the help of meditation, music like this, and talk therapy, I have began to understand my anxiety. I am accepting that a panic attack is just that; a panic attack. Not a heart attack, stroke, cancer, or death sentence. Your brain can be scary and cause physical symptoms when it’s in distress. And for anyone out there reading this, and suffering from anxiety and not knowing because you feel like your symptoms don’t fit, then I hope this offers a little bit of comfort to you. I know I had no idea what was happening to me, and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever dealt with. I hope this sheds some light on this issue, that is often overlooked. As of tonight, I am nearly 1 month without a panic attack, and 3 months away from my first college degree. Small victory to most, but a huge step of progress for me. If you’ve read this far, thank you. It means a lot to me to share my experience with you. Always take care of and never lose touch with yourself. ❤️

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