@KingIsMeh

3 months ago

As someone with autism It's been quite hard for me to navigate emotions and understand if I'm attracted to someone. As I tried to pay more attention to my own emotions I had a moment with a girl on the last day of my freshman year. We were rushing to the bus excitedly as the finaly bell rang and she grabbed my hand as we ran. My face felt warm and It was exacly like how they describe it in books, butterflies in the stomach. She sat with me on the bus for 2 years and she was always so pretty. She really liked one of my drawings and joked around about being in love with my one oc and she asked to have a character based off of her as a side character who shows interest in possibly becoming more in my ocs life. She would fall asleep on the bus and lay her head on my shoulder. She would show genuine interest in the things I liked. She wore the earrings I made in art class in every single snapchat photo she would post and every time I saw her in person. She was so gorgeous and I was unsure what I truly felt. I thought that I couldn't a lesbian because I wasn't ready to give up the aromantic label I grown so comfortable to aswell as the fact I associated lesbians with negative and/or oversexualized media at that time. I feel more comfortable now and identify as asexual and panromantic. I was also questioning my gender and thought I was a trans boy and I know now I better identify with Genderfluid. It hurt a lot when I found out about her boyfriend like a pit in my stomach and I held it in. I still think she is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen.

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