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624,572 Views • Sep 7, 2022 • Click to toggle off description
Resources from the episode: tim.blog/2022/09/07/dr-gabor-mate-myth-of-normal/
Dr. Gabor Maté (@DrGaborMate) is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics that includes addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection, and Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It. He has also coauthored Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in nearly thirty languages.
His new book is The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture www.amazon.com/Myth-Normal-Illness-Healing-Culture….
Please enjoy!
About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 700 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running.
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Views : 624,572
Genre: Howto & Style
Date of upload: Sep 7, 2022 ^^
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YouTube Comments - 1,033 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
This clip is so important. Having experienced a very traumatic childhood, I have always suppressed anger as it was not safe to express it. I got breast cancer, had surgery & chemo (more trauma), appeared to recover, but failed to change. A few years later, following another major trauma and more suppression, I discovered I had stage IV colon cancer. More surgery & chemo, more trauma to the body. That’s when I discovered Gabor Mate. Sadly, halfway through ‘When the Body says No’, my son passed away suddenly and tragically from complications of addiction to alcohol and prescribed medication. It was the start of lockdown, so I swallowed my grief. A few months later they found a tumour in my lung. I read every one of Gabor’s books, listened to every talk, interview, bought and read every book he quoted from. I finally learned how to process my grief and experience my anger, from the past and the present. Gabor didn’t save my life, he did better than that, he taught me how to save my own life. You don’t need to get cancer or lose a loved one to live your best life. My prescription for anyone in pain - pure and simple TLC, from someone you trust completely and who can let you know that you are loved, no matter what your story is. A compassionate witness to your pain. ❤️
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Rage is also about grief…of all the loss that goes hand in hand with suppression of the ‘true’ self…
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The trauma fueling the rage isn't restricted to childhood. You can still feel completely powerless as an adult facing your boundaries being violated - such as in sexual, physical, religious/spiritual and narcissistic abuse.
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I like to think that I've become a master of rage (abused by my mother). Just yesterday my girlfriend said something to me that I really couldn't handle and I went in a terrible mental state. Didn't act on it, simply lived through it. Saw myself destroy the whole damn place, felt my chest tighten up, breathing became erratic. Felt like I was about to do really bad things but I just let it ''be'' and sat there has it passed. Felt quite proud of myself because when I was younger things would've happened differently.
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Don't suppress it or act it out, but allow yourself to experience it. I've never heard anyone give advice like this. Thank you to you both for your wisdom and your personal strength in what you have been through and the pain you have overcome
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Ive been dealing with this overflowing rage on a daily basis. Allowing myself to sit with it is exhausting ! It never ends. 😢
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Tim, you are a brave soul to admit your abuse. All respect and good luck with your journey.
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Dr. Mate is a treasure to humanity ❤️
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Gabor almost always makes me afraid that I’m gonna get sick because of how much trauma I’ve had and how bad my PTSD still is. I listen to these things for help while I have a spasming stomach from being abandoned by someone I thought was trustworthy and steadfast. They were inappropriate with me and left me alone in a bad situation. Anyone reading this I would really appreciate sincerely good energy sent my way. Already Vibing it your way❤️
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I greatly appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your trauma. Gabor Mate is my hero. He talks about trauma with empathy, compassion and understanding.
Those of us who have trauma need that. We need to be acknowledged for what we’ve gone through and encouraged to work through it.
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Every therapist I saw condemned me saying I was preventing therapy from being able to work because I was allowing anger to get in the way and that it was my responsibility to control the anger so that therapy could work. Intuitively I always knew this made no sense since the anger was the symptom on which therapy was needed. I knew I was expressing anger and rage in ways that were not acceptable to others but I had no idea why. I also had no idea that almost all therapists are clueless about this.
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Wow. My wife found this for me as I have been going through therapy these past 18months to try and heal from being raised by a narcissistic mother.
That rage you speak of and the fact that punching a pillow, or in my case I smashed a wooden pallet to bits, did nothing to quell the rage and as you say just left me feeling more frustrated and angry.
Thank you so much for posting this and I look forward to finding more on your channel. 🙏
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There's a book called Homecoming by John Bradshaw. It's about 'inner child healing' which is basically what Gabor is describing here. It's going back to your childhood as you are now (through meditation/visualisation) and supporting that grieving child with the love and care that was needed but absent.
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EMDR. I thought it was a silly idea at first, but EMDR is the best way I found to process anger and rage.
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It’s videos like these that make me incredibly grateful for the internet. I’ve learned so much from it in my 20 years of living that I otherwise may have learned in 40 years, or perhaps not at all. I am greatly appreciative of the positive difference you are making amongst people, thank you.
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anger and rage are magnified when we try to push through it.
We need to address the boundary breaking which has caused the rage
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It's so powerful for Mate to divulge the rage outbursts at his kids, and how they would be afraid of him. Very humbling thing to admit to, and very relevant. Emotional suppression and alienation create lifelong struggles. This bit on sitting with the feeling and acknowledging it... then investigating and nurturing it, really lands with me. I was conditioned not to investigate or to nurture. It's just so healing to see people open up about their traumas and the consequences to those transgressions. We can learn so much from each other.
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Unlike other emotions, anger is one that we tend to hold onto, as we feel like a person should not get away with what they done to us. We must then analyze if holding onto it is constructive or beneficial to us, and the answer is always no, it brings us down and ruins our mood; yet the other person is living their life unaware of our anger. So after realizing this we must then understand that it is better to let it go and move on, communicate with the other party if that helps but make sure to do a personal cost vs benefit of anger analysis. This is discussed well in an incredible life changing book called Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman.
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My first memory with my mother is full of anger.
I did not knew her, she left me with my grandparents when I was 1 year old. Somewere , around age of 3 and half she suddenly appears. I remember a huge emotion ..some fear and something good also ..I didn't know how my mother was..
Then I see here..sort of because she didn't even stop to look at me..she goes directly in the house and from there she starts yelling and cying..and telling all sort of bad things to my grandma..
So i begun feeling scared now..at some point I was in front of the room where my mother was(don't remember if I went there or my grandma tooked me) beside my grandma and I could see a figure in the bed with all long hair covering her face..and screaming "Who braught this thing here?? Take her out of my sight""
I left my body somehow..I severly dissociated in that moment..
This happend any time she would see me..
So I got to feel a huge anger that later was increasing as I got to live with her when I was 8 , because she was allways screaming at me , allways in rage.
This anger that I tooked as mine (i did not knew how to differentiate by then) it broked my sprit ..and it's still there after 40 years.
I lived severe abuse from her, and got to withness violence from her towards my grandma also.
I don't know what to do with this anger..it's debilitating me
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@timferriss
1 year ago
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