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Views : 13,396
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YouTube Comments - 251 Comments
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As a Norwegian around 60 years old i can say that how it was in Norway back in the 70`s and 80`s the reason was because everyone was supposed to eat at fixed hours in their own family. So if we actually had to call the other family to ask if it was ok to feed my friend. And ofc none of this was considered strange back then. And was more or less same in all Scandinavia. I was at age 12 visiting in Copenhagen (1974). And when in new friends house they ate while i listened to music in friends room. Bcause i was the house i stayed in was planning to make dinner an hour later and ofc making enuff formalso me. Back then it was like Ā« how to plan how much food to make for dinner if they did not know how many to prepare for Ā«. Its just planning.
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I think this mostly comes down to communication context and misunderstandings.
First are the "Guests" (kids)
planned or unplanned?
Did the parents know they were coming? Had they talked with the parents of that child about them coming over?
Also how far away does the other kid live?
Do they live next door or on the other side of town?
All of these matter...
Since if the next door kid show up unannounced 5 minutes before dinner time i don't think it should be considered weird to have them either wait in your kids room while your kid eats if they plan to play there or they could even wait in the hall or outside if they are going to play outside or somewhere else.
But if you know that a kid is bringing a friend and you have talked with the kids parents so you know that the kid is supposed to stay until dinner and they are ok with their kid eating at your place then ofc they will feed them.
I would say the biggest factor is probably communication,
If they know they are supposed to and have permission to then they will feed them.
But if they can't get in contact with the other kids parents and don't know what the plans are or if they are allowed to etc then it becomes more complicated.
This is also the primary reason why this was more of a thing in the past when it was harder to get in touch with the other kids parents to coordinate things.
Also another important thing regarding the stories people have been telling.
The way a person experiences and remembers something can often differ significantly from what actually happened and this is especially true when talking about kids.
So a lot of these stories are likely misunderstandings or just out of context.
I have never experienced a situation where i was refused food when at a friend's house...
So while i have had experiences where i waited while a friend and his family ate it was Either because i had already eaten before i came there or because i knew my parents were coming to pick me up in the next 15-30 minutes and that i would eat at home. (Either because i just preferred to eat at home or if i knew that my mother was cooking something in particular.)
And i refuse to think that this was somehow wrong or that this exact same situation does not also occur in every other country in the world...
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This is hardly an issue today. I have always made food for children's friends and my children also gets food in their friends place. I just ask their friends to call home first to ask if it is okay. This is rather a thing from the old times like 80s and 90s when I were a kid.
First, we did not have mobile phones. You could not sms the parents on your way home from work and decide something. There were no way for parents to communicate with other parents except if both of them were in their homes to call on a land line. Or if they had talked the day before.
Second, my mother always said to me when to be home so I could eat dinner.
Today I just send one sms to my child. Will you eat at home? Okay dinner at 17:30.
This "swedengate-thing" is so stupid.
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Well the difference is that in many countries, especially the US kids don't just walk or cycle home from school as we do in Sweden. They arrange so called "play dates" for the kids to partake in.
In Sweden there is no such thing. A kid ask another kid or q few if they want to go home to his/her place after school. When they get there they will eat a snack or whatever. When it's close to dinnertime pretty much everyone goes home since they know that their own parents have prepared food for them. Sure, it might be an hour later but I'm sure they don't Starve.
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This was very common for us kids in the 70ās. We didnāt think of it as being a ābad thingā back then. As you mentioned, all kids had their own family and their own dinner time. Sometimes I went over to my friend directly after Iād eaten to play or to go outside and play.
ā-well, you can come in, weāre about to eat dinner, so you can wait in my room in the meantimeā.
I didnāt mind, cause I had just ate. However, some families was quite poor, so they was perhaps a bit ashamed with what they were eating. They didnāt want to show this to the visiting child who then would tell his or her family what they ate. Sometimes one of the parents actually would ask the visiting child if he or she would like to have dinner with them?, but almost always the answer would be ā-No thanks, itās ok, I have just ateā. Or: āNo thanks, I will eat later at my placeā. The thirdā¦and most common reason would be to say āNo, thanks, Itās ok, Iāll wait hereā because it was a actually bit scary and awkward, and It felt like invading of their privacy. We Swedes do strange things sometimes. We are a bit introverted and donāt want to let people come too close. But we are nice people when you get to know us. š
12 |
It isn't waiting in the hallway as being sent out. It's a kid ringing the doorbell asking if Lisa can come out and play or if they can come visit and the parents saying that Lisa has to eat dinner before she is allowed to play or invite someone. Happened a lot when I was a kid and you'd just go and check which friends were at home and wanted to play. I had a watch and knew when I had to be home for my own dinner. My mom always asked if my friends wanted to eat but they usually ate at home as well.
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I died over this swedengate thing! Does people dont have anything better to do, ofc we feed friends if the son or daughter has a friend over ofc she/he gets food aswell. We are not egoistic! š¤£
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Option 3 is the main reason at last for me growing up in the 70th. You where expected at home for dinner at a fixed time. There where nothing call a playdate in sweden the kids roamed around the community on our bikes with our friends or we could be like 5 childs playing at a friends house. Everyone had a fixed dinner time and that time where the only time we interacted with the family during daytime. If we where on a "playdate" we where very far from home and probably had a sleepover and then we where fed by that family.
If was at a friend house i always got like icecream, fika, candy and other eatable stuff it was only dinner they eat by them self because the know the other children also had fixed dinner times.
4 |
USA can stop being concerned about how we in Sweden treat our guests.. start looking at your school shootings and gun laws instead. If i don't want to feed my guests.. that's up to me. So stupid thing from the beginning.
3 |
I was born in 1990 in Sweden and this might have happened a few times in my childhood (between 95/96 to early 2000's). This is my take:
1. It was never about not being able to afford another plate of food. Perhaps in some families, but definitely not commonplace.
2. Whenever I had my friends over or when I was at their place, it was almost always unannounced to my/their parents, meaning that sometimes there simply wasn't enough food for everybody. Bear in mind that it wasn't always just one guest, but sometimes 2 or even 3. So family of 3 sharing their cooked food for 5 or 6 isn't feasible. On the other hand, we often got offered cookies, popcorn or other snacks if we were over earlier in the day.
3. In my experience, a lot of kids around ages 5-12 are quite peckish about food. Even if my parents would offer my friends dinner, they would often answer with "depends what's for dinner", and if it wasn't something they had had before or if it had a weird name, they'd just decline and prefer to wait another hour or two until it's dinner time at their place.
4. Usually our parents knew the other kid's parents and knew that they eat dinner at different times. They knew that the other family already has a warm plate ready whenever they go home. So it's not like our parents left the other kids starving. Obviously at sleepovers we always got dinner and breakfast, but those were always arranged beforehand.
5. Finally, for many it really is "sacred family time". I had friends over 2 or 3 days a week, and the remaining days I was over at their place. Obviously for the parents it would be quite intrusive to have guests over even at the dinner table almost every day.
I never ever experienced it as parents being stingy. It really isn't about that. It's about food preferences, allergies, convenience, etc.
In my experience, as kids we would (on the contrary to what people seem to think) often be HAPPY NOT to eat dinner with the other family, because that meant that you didn't need to be polite and wait until everyone has eaten up and until you and your friend are excused to leave the table - instead you could play on while your friend "had to" go eat.
I never felt weird about it as a kid and never felt left "outside" or otherwise excluded, and never hungry either.
51 |
I clearly remember waiting in my friend's room while he was away (often quickly) to have dinner. This happened more than once in the 90s when I grew up. That being said, I also know that I was offered food occasionally, probably depending on if it wasn't dinner time at my house or if I wasn't there when the rest of the family ate. Or, I had to run off home to grab dinner with my own family. It all varied but yes, it happened.
That story of the girl having to wait in the hallway ā oh my God, that is extreme! Never heard anything like that.
8 |
Option three is most correct, in the 70-80's the meal time was usually at a set time but different from family to family, when over at a friends house kids would always get asked to join but only after the parents picked up the wired phone and call the kids parents to see if it was okey, sometimes it was other times not when the kid was going to eat in half an hour or something at home, nothing strange I think but like everything it gets blown out of proportions on the interweb.
9 |
I mostly had the feeling like if I was offered food at a friend's house and called and asked my parents if I could eat there, it would sometimes be a disruption of my parents planning. Often the other parents would ask what time my family ate and if the times weren't the same I would probably wait, or play outside, or go home when they ate because food would be served at home within not too long time.
MellanmƄl, after school snacks, were almost always offered.
3 |
It feels so unfortunate it becomes such a big deal. For us, it has been that friends always went home for dinner on weekdays. It has simply been a good limit. Then the family has had the opportunity to talk about the day and then relax in peace and quiet and prepare for the coming day. If friends have been left after dinner to play, it will be way too much, then the child may not rest until ten o'clock, which is far too late if you have to get up with the parents between five and six in the morning and leave early in preschool. š
6 |
This was common when I grew up in the 60s and 70s. We kids run in and out of each others homes totally unplanned. We would always get a snack ("mellanmƄl") in the house where we happened to be when it was time for that. But dinner we mostly ate at home and for good reasons I think. From the mums perspective, one day your kids would be at a friends house at dinnertime, the other day your kids and three or four (or more) of their friends would be at your house. And we would move quickly from house to house, maybe deciding to go to someone else's house 30 minutes before their dinner time. How on earth would the poor mothers know how much dinner to make?
Also most parents would like their kids to eat dinner at home as this would be the only time the whole family had the chance to really meet and talk. It did happen that we ate at our friends of course, but mostly as a planned thing, and never without the parent inviting you checking with your parents first.
Personally I mostly liked waiting in my friends rooms. It was rather nice to have a little play-time all by myself with some one else's toys. :-)
4 |
I remember this too from the 90s, early 00s. Reason no.3 is the one I remember as being the reason. Often it would be ok to eat with your friends though, but you were asked to call your house and ask permission first. I remember it was a joy to get permission to do so because it meant you could stay at your friends for an extra hour or so.
1 |
This was normal for me too when I grew up in Norway. If I followed a friend over to his house straight after school, I would most of the time stay in his room or entertainment room while he ate with his family. Same would be the case the other way around if a friend followed me home. Totally normal, did not give it a thought. Sometimes the mom would ask if I wanted to eat with them, but most of the time I answered "no" as a courtesy because eating with them would be weird. Like I did not "know" his parents or his siblings and sitting around the dinner table would be so awkward I feel like. I did not find this weird at all. However, if the visit was planned and I was supposed to sleep over, then of course I would expect to get food, but just casually joining a friend after school or football practice to play FIFA or something at his house then hell no. Unless they where eating something really good like pizza or something and I knew we were having fish at home, then maybe I would say yes. Otherwise my dinner would be ready for me when I got home.
13 |
During my childhood I was sometimes offered food at my friend's table, but mostly not and I never expected it.
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When I lived in America no one offered me food at visits...should we make a big deal of that too ? If no...why not ?
6 |
1 year ago
Here are my two cents on the subject: Growing up in Sweden I never expected to be offered food at a friends house when visiting unannounced, like tagging along with a friend after school. But I was almost always offered food, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I was asked to wait while my friend had dinner. The rule (in my family at least) was to call home and ask if it was OK to eat at the friend's place. Sometimes my parents would say yes, sometimes they would say no, it mostly depended on if they had started cooking dinner at home yet or not. It could also depend on how often I had eaten dinner at that friend's place in the resent past. If I'd been there a lot my parents would tell me to come home and eat instead, as they didn't want me to become a burden for my friends families.
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