@jessicas2500

4 years ago

My dad k¡lled himself by dr*g over dose and I found him when I was 12 years old. He was my best friend. Listening to colson talking about putting his daughter to bed and trying to do the same made me break down in hysterics. My dad put me to bed and that was the last time I ever spoke to him, I found him the next morning blue, cold, with no pulse and covered in vomit. Something about hearing the tone in colsons voice just triggered the memories of my dad and how badly I wish I could have helped him. It’s been 8 years and I still can’t live a day without blaming myself or replaying him laying there lifeless in my head over and over. I used to be able to hear the soft sobs of my 3 year old baby brother saying “where’s daddy? Where’s daddy?” come from down the hallway at night. That’s sh*t is something you can’t get out of your head. It taunts you every waking moment. Every time you hear a scream, every time you hear a siren. Every time you see something in a movie you have to walk out because you can’t stomach seeing it happen, even if it’s not real. Hearing this come from him just broke my f*cking heart. Colson if you see this. PLEASE take care of yourself. For Casie. And for you. For us. I’ll never get to see my dad grow old. I’ll never get to talk to him when I need him the most. I can’t even remember the f*cking sound of his voice. It kills me. Every second of every day. Part of me died with him. He wasn’t there to see me graduate, and he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle. He won’t be able to see me become a special education intervention specialist next year when I complete my degree. Colson, you have done so much for me. I just wish I could do the same for you. You have pulled me out of the darkest times of my life and I hope you find peace in what you’re going through. I’m praying for you harder than I’ve ever prayed for anything. I love you Kells. I lost my dad. Please don’t leave me too. You have a beautiful mind, and you are so talented. Your music is a craft. It’s art. You ARE art. You were meant to be on this earth doing what you’re doing. You have helped so many people stay alive in this world, and your fans just want to do the same for you. You love hard and you give so much to others you forget how to tend to yourself. You’ve got this Colson. Never forget how beautiful life can be. Remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Remember why you started. Side note: If you want to see the tattoo I got in my dads handwriting it’s on my Instagram from this summer it says “I am very proud of you. Love dad” there’s also some pictures of him and I when I was little: shipsterthehipster

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