@Chars.Cameraaa

3 years ago

I don’t know if I’m just forcing meaning onto a song, but this one just hits. Last year, my best friend got into drugs. I watched it absorb her and change her entire persona. Things spiraled, and spiraled fast. Soon, she became just the name, just an imprint, of the girl she used to be. She used to be this smiling kid who laughed in the face of life’s challenges, hands at her hips, stubbornly being happy. The light, the happy, it all faded from her eyes. She had this way of taunting life, almost as if saying “what’s next? I can take it.” We were joint at the hip, almost literally. We planned to run away to New York, so I got a job to save up for us. We planned to grow old together, to build a cottage in field by the sea in Maine. She made me smile harder, live harder, love harder, than anyone else on this planet. Nothing, and no one, will be able to top her almost unearthly beauty, inside and out. Then, I sat there, and watched the drugs eat all of this away from her. She transformed into numbness pulp who cannot go a day without a puff. Being high causes her to become angry, and there’s never any filter. She started saying things that didn’t sound like her, starting accusing me things that I had never even mentioned, let alone done. The drugs fed her paranoia and fatten it up, and with every single high she poured it all on top of me. I just became so tired, and so helpless, that I couldn’t bare it anymore. There’s more to the story, I can promise you that. I am in no way perfect, and I don’t have any right to pretend to be a victim. I just wish she knew how hard I held on. How much I love her. How much it still hurts that I had to say goodbye. Two years ago, she told me that I deserved to be selfish. That I can start living my life for myself, because I earned it. In the end, those are the very words that caused me to leave our friendship. It became a burden, rather than a part of my day that made living easier. I tried sticking around, I tried making it work even to the last minute. Every time I did tho, I’d get hit with the memories of who she used to be. I’d stand there realizing she’s a walking corpse, the dead remains of who she was. Yep, in the end, we crashed. Not a day goes by where I don’t miss her, but in the end, I know it’s for the better. Sometimes when I’m on my last leg and the thought of having to be without her for the rest of my life becomes too much, I just think this; “in another life.” In another life, we’ll run off and write that movie together. We’ll get that summer job together, and I’ll get my drivers license 8 months before you and drive us to Colorado because we feel like it. Maybe not this one, but in another life. Edit: you guys have made my entire year. The support means the most, you have no idea.

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