@neil3975

3 years ago

Kenma,  My beautiful, strong, brilliant Kenma,  If you’re reading this, it probably means I’m not around any more. And for that I’m so, so sorry baby. I never wanted to leave you, it breaks my heart to think that I’ll have to.  But there are some things in this world that we can’t control, and I guess this was one of them. Please don’t hold it against me.  There’s a lot that I want to say to you, but I don’t ever think there'll be a time you’re ready to hear it while I was right there, so I wrote it down for you. I think if you opened this, then you’re probably ready to start saying goodbye. Even if you don’t know it yet. I know you. I know there’s probably a million things running through your head right now that you don’t know how to filter through. You’ve always thought too much for your own good, but I think that was one of the first reasons I had for falling in love with you. You’re by far one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.  I’m so proud of the person you’ve become. How much you’ve grown over the course of our lives. Watching you go from a withdrawn kid to a strong leader filled me with so much pride that I don’t think there’s enough words for it. So let me say it one more time: I’m proud of you. Always have been, always will be.  God, do you know how in love with you I am? I still don’t know how you’re a real person. Kenma, because of you I felt loved, no matter what was happening. I hope you never doubt yourself on that. You staying by my side means the absolute world to me. But even before that, you were the greatest soulmate I ever could have asked for. In the time that I was around, you made me happier than anything else. Thank you, Kenma, for being the greatest thing that ever could have happened to me. Your brain, your heart, and every other part of you I can easily say I love with my whole heart. Every day I’m grateful for the higher power that brought you into my life and declared us soulmates.  That said, can I make one final request of you? I know you’re not going to like it much. You’ve always been a creature of habit, and it must be pretty scary to have to make a change. But please, if you do one thing for me, please don’t let what happened drag you down.  I know you’re sad, or angry, or however else you’re feeling. But you’re also stronger than you think you are, and I know you can keep moving forward. So move on, for me. Try and be happy, run your company, maybe even fall in love again. Don’t let me hold you back. Know that I’d want you to do whatever it takes to put a smile back on your face.  You’re not doing it alone, either. I’ll be there in your heart, and watching over you. Lastly, I wanted to remind you that you were loved one last time, if the words on your skin aren’t permanent enough a reminder. I know you told me that I wasn’t allowed to tell you that I loved you, but you know me, I couldn’t really help myself. So every time I wanted to tell you, I wrote it down, and put it in the box that this letter was attached to. I don’t think they convey even a fraction of the love I feel for you, but it was worth a shot. Open them when you’re ready, they’ll always be there.  So this is goodbye, I guess. Thank you for being an incredible soulmate, Kenma. You made every second of my life worth living.  I love you. Yours forever,  Kuro Kenma’s bottom lip wobbled as he reached the end of the letter. He read it again, and again, wanting to commit this one last piece of Kuroo to his memory.  Somehow Kuroo had accounted for how Kenma was feeling even when his own world was being turned upside down, ensuring that Kenma wasn’t completely lost once he was alone.  Kenma pressed his fingers on the lid of the box. Even though he knew what was in there, the thought of it terrified him. Terrified of what it would do to his heart.  He sniffled a couple of times, counted to three, and opened the lid.  Inside the box were hundreds upon hundreds of pieces of paper, different colours and shapes, some post-it notes, some ripped corners of napkins, others as though they’d been torn from a workbook. There were countless, perhaps as many as the stars in the sky. To Kenma, it appeared as though there was one for each day they’d known each other, perhaps even more.  With shaking hands, Kenma pulled one of the notes from the top of the box, then another, then another. ‘I love you - when we sat under the stars on our bed and I thought they looked prettier reflected in your eyes’ ‘I love you - when I had just gotten my diagnosis and couldn’t tell you, but you comforted me anyway’ ‘I love you - when you got the news that your company had gotten its first partnership and your eyes lit up and I fell in love with you all over again’ ‘I love you - when I was freaking out over my PhD and you initiated a karaoke session to take my mind off of it’ ‘I love you - that time I finally beat you in Mario Kart and you poked me until I admitted it was a fluke’ ‘ I love you - when I watched you one morning while you were still half-asleep, and saw how you looked like an angel come to life’ ‘I love you - when we moved in together and you told me that we had a home, and you smiled so bright you could have rivalled the sun’ ‘I love you - when you thanked me for getting you into volleyball’  ‘I love you - when we had our first fight and I made you cry and even when I apologised you wouldn’t stop and I swear I felt my heart break for the first time’ ‘I love you - when you ordered ginger beer at a restaurant because you wanted to try it, and your nose scrunched up at the taste (but you kept drinking it, just to prove a point)’ ‘I love you - when I noticed that you smile when you blush, and I realised I’d do anything to see it” ‘I love you - the day you walked on stage to graduate’ ‘I love you - the day you told me I couldn’t tell you that I loved you, because it made me realise how much you cared about me’ ‘I love you - just because’

240 |