Views : 332,371
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Dec 29, 2022 ^^
Rating : 4.902 (252/9,996 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-15T10:05:57.615731Z
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Top Comments of this video!! :3
Growing up...my parents NEVER validated my emotions. I'm 53 years old now and they still don't. Crying wasn't allowed. Being upset or ANGRY definitely wasn't allowed. My sister and I were told to "BE QUIET." "STOP ACTING LIKE A BABY." And on and on. So THIS makes a ton of sense to me! It's actually so refreshing to hearIđâ¤đ
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I have a lot of rage built up. I was taught my boundaries were not important. I had a toxic mother, a neglectful father. So over and over I tamp it down. So then when I'm truly upset I rage. I like to get alone and blow up. So then I don't hurt the people I love. The anger, the hurt, I've tamped it down so many times that it get explosive. I'm sure there is abuse I don't remember, I was taught to repress all the time, anger, hurt, etc... there was alot of abuse. I'm in counseling now, it's hard work.
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This is so descriptive of my situation. I learned to FREEZE as my response to my parents anger, particularly my father's, as it involved physical abuse. And I have always in the past handled my anger as freezing. The thing I never understood before was that I IDENTIFIED with this response. I considered it ME. And for this reason I felt both shame for it and hopelessness. Now I realize it is just a response I am conditioned to and I can change it going forward. This has been really freeing.
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My mother was a strict religious, authoritarian witch. She took all her hidden anger out on me. She loved my brothers and would beat me, for fun, every day. She would have me go pick out the belt that âI wanted her to useâ on me. I remember this ritual at my earliest memories. As an adult I tried talking to her about her creepy actions and how her abuse caused me to develop C-PTSD. She laughed at me and said âit wasnât that badâ, âyou was rebelliousâ, âI didnât do all thatâ etc etc. I fully cut her out of my life. Havenât spoken in years and I wonât go to her funeral. She tries to stay in control STILL by showing up at my sons house uninvited and talking bad about me. I honestly canât wait for her to pass away
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I have decades of anger suppressed, its almost impossible to get rid of. I almost don't remember what its like not having it.
I look stoic all the time but if theres hostility or aggression directed towards me I unleash and get super-enraged. Even when someone I care about or a coworker is abused at work I have a strong urge to confront the abusive person and unload at them. I also get furious at managers or employers who disregard the abuse and allow it to continue.
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When I hear my 90 yo mom say we (parents) "did the best we could" and "everyone did it" (physical abuse), I only hear how STUPID they were/are that they failed to see the immediate results and/or actually think for themselves abt their actions. So I'm embarrassed my parents were only ignorant "followers." But my empty PTSD upbringing brought me to God and I am grateful for that.
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I know what you mean! Getting angry at my parents would have meant physical discipline (they were old school). Getting angry at my classmates for being bullied around would not only have prompted a fight, but potentially a gangbeating. And getting angry at an abusive client at work would mean losing a customer or making the business look bad. There's no real ways to healthily express my anger in real life without causing an intense amount of drama, and it frustrates me.
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I am a Chinese person who came to Australia in 1967 as a child. Australia in those days was a very white society. I was bullied at school for being Chinese. I did not fight back. I always thought I was weak because of this. One part of the video (2:01) mentioned that there was nothing wrong with that (it's a survival mechanism). This brought me much relief. I still, however, have difficulty standing up for myself when my boundaries are violated. This is despite being successful academically and professionally. I have seen psychologists and, although they helped, I think I'm still missing something. I have trained in karate for over ten years (and attained a 3rd Dan black belt) in the hope that it would provide me with self confidence. This has helped to a certain extent but hasn't quite brought me what I'm looking for. This is because punching someone in the nose would land me in jail. I am going to learn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu this year, as I've heard it teaches how to subdue aggressors without actually harming them. Perhaps this will provide me with what I'm looking for. I'm wondering what else could help me.
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Recently, I had the good fortune of getting more sleep for a few weeks. As time progressed, I noticed that I was dreaming about my traumas earlier and earlier in my life. It is as though my mind was clearing out the backlog. So, maybe all these nastiness really do not go away until they are processed. If that is the case, then it makes sense to avoid unnecessary nastiness, and getting more sleep.
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My psychologist said that it was amazing I wasn't a angier person I wasn't allowed to express any emotion as a kid as "kids are to been seen and not heard " was something my stepmother often said and was extremely cruel towards me growing up as the scapegoat
I will freeze 99% of the time in survival mode rather than lash out in anger as it was more dangerous for me to do that being overpowered and outnumbered feeling vulnerable is something I avoid at all cost including not taking prescription medication for my many debilitating health complications thank you for this video not so alone with this
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@Eric-tj3tg
1 year ago
I knew, intellectually, that I was physically abused from an early age; the historical information provided while I was performing a task towards my Masters in counseling in 2002. In 2003, I went on a Vision Quest, 10 days, with 3 being solo, fasting time. I EXPERIENCED, out in nature, in this group, part of the "Preverbal Rage" of very early years. No visions/images, just rageful misery. I was supported by a Psychologist and Body Worker, who were our guides. I've struggled to integrate this since, and because it is such a potent energy-store, Depression becomes my experience. Early strategies for keeping it at bay are structural (personality), and though it's there, it's so ego-dystonic that I have found it very difficult. I came back and talked with my non-protective father about my experience. I've since realized that my FOO is not "down" with discussing, and that I was, and am, the scapegoat. Being that I'm 55 now, and just recently realized the calamity that was my upbringing; raised by traumatized and thus traumatizing people, with a sibling who is wounded in her own ways. We used to talk about our respective experiences, but years after mother died, she fawns with father, and it is very difficult. I tried to explain "emotional flashbacks", even provided video-links for understanding during this difficult process. Not happening, and it's really very difficult to feel, again, misunderstood, betrayed, and now, abandoned. Point being, it is possible to process, but it's also hard to realize where/how we are still participating, and to respond rather than react. It is my experience that your FOO, unless they're also on-board to do "the work", inhibits, unconsciously, the process. I've found out very late, it appears, and I hope that others are able, through Gabor, Pete Walker, attachment-styles, or whatever, that it really is NOT "what's wrong with you", but "what happened to you", and I have no doubt that for early trauma, "The Body Keeps the Score." I wouldn't have known that I was suppressing this if not for the aforementioned VQ. Trippy life. Best to all.
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