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Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
#attachment #selfhelp #insecure attachment #cognitivebehavioraltherapy #tips #counseling #counselling
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TIMESTAMPS
00:00 10 Signs of Anxious Attachment
07:55 Causes of Anxious Insecure Attachment
13:30 Overcoming Anxious Attachment
23:16 Summ
Views : 265,110
Genre: Education
Date of upload: Premiered Sep 5, 2022 ^^
Rating : 4.968 (61/7,601 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-20T06:47:09.9962Z
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YouTube Comments - 555 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
The worst thing about this is that the more attached you get to someone, the more they start to push you away because of all the negative things you do like push boundaries. And the more they push you away, the more you try to get close to them and on and on forever until it finally explodes and youāre left with nothing.
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The stress response I get when I feel like I'm being abandoned is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. It feels like a panic attack. Looking at it now, I realize that this is why I also have an avoidant attachment to avoid feeling abandoned.
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The saddest part is itās not really our parents faults either.
Itās just passed down lack of awareness and trauma that trickles down.
Our parents tried their best, and they were emotionally unavailable themselves and unaware how much damaging their abuse or neglect was causing.
No more victim mindsets. Iām owning this shit and healing. Iām done having chaotic and unfulfilled romantic relationships.
I want to be healthy and happy on my own and attract someone consistent and healthy!
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The hardest part about being anxiously attached is what might come after the āparanoiaā and the āseeing things that arenāt thereā and our partner actually abandons us, rejects us or downright abuses our powerless attachment to them.
Breakups always hurt, but if youāre anxiously attached to someone that disconnection is so tied to our entire sense of self (because we donāt have one) our entire being collapses without them.
Just now I was in the shower crying out for him, and I felt it in my heart. I felt like I needed him to hold me, tell me Iām safe with him because heāll be there for me and take care of me just like he promised. But heās not there and it hurts to much! š¢ I feel so unsafe, so lost and vulnerable without him, I donāt know what to do! I can only cry the whole day, knowing this is something I can only heal within myself, but it sounds easier said than done šŖ
82 |
Anxious attachment is pure torture. I sincerely want to work on this because itās running my life.
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My mouth is bone dry. My jaw hit the floor. I stumbled upon this and never knew anything like this existed. I can't believe how I just fit perfectly into every part of this š¤Æš¤Æš¤Æ
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For me I kept choosing people who were dismissive one foot in one foot out, constantly breaking up or cheating on me..... it was the similar not good enough feeling I had as a child so it felt familiar and I thought you just had to work hard to be even noticed. So that made the anxiety worse of course. Vicious circle. Finally I realized with the help of a great counselor to stop caring or reacting and chasing. Let them go to make room for the one who will love you and not hit your triggers.
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Thank you so much for mentioning neurodivergent children not having their needs met. I feel like this really affected me for life. It's so complicated to untangle once we're grown up.
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This is so me. I hate myself in the moments where everything overflows. Iām working with this for a few years but every ānewā situation just seems to bring this out again.
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I had passive parents. With a āsuck it up and deal with itābury your feelings teaching growing up. Along with emotionally abusive relatives as a teenager. Along with rejection, failure, abandonment. Which feels like a full blown panic attack when thereās even a hint of being abandoned. Itās like your trauma response is constantly on.
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Our youngest son was sunk very deep into anxious attachment when he left his mother's house. While we did heap validation on him (something he wasn't getting previously, among many other things) much of it was heavily focused on him taking care of himself. Part of our validation campaign was to praise him in almost cartoonish fashion to make sure it sunk in that we were happy for him to do those things because he couldn't feel it unless it was exaggerated. He was terrified when it came time to go to college but we validated his feelings while reminding him of all the other new scary things he'd done in his 2 years with us. Every time he made a decision on his own he got praise and validation. Now we all sort of joke about it when he just calls to just talk instead of in a panic because he didn't know what to do. Now he calls to tell us about his growing independence. He knows we're still here for him, but it feels good that he has the confidence to do things on his own. We didn't push therapy early on because his mother had dragged him from therapist to therapist to find someone who would medicate him into compliance. He's going on his own now, in part because I talked to him a lot about my own therapy journey, and loves it. She helped him figure out he has ADHD, not an anxiety disorder, which has greatly reduced his anxiety. I actually got a call from him once while he was in session because he reallyreallyreally wanted to introduce her to me.
We're still the people he comes to to gush about his accomplishments because he knows they might seem odd to anyone who hasn't been where he was. So I get to hear him gush about grocery shopping, getting his car fixed, or trying new foods. Every time he makes a new friend it's a celebration because when he came to us he didn't have many and those he did have weren't very thoughtful. He's still navigating boundary issues with others but I'm sure he'll get there. It's been awesome watching him grow from an anxiety ridden boy who was terrified of even thinking for himself into the strong young man he is today.
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We're all so plugged in that today, a big tip-off of an anxiously attached person is the need to text constantly... maybe even call or video chat all the time, too. Inappropriate messaging at all hours of the day because they cannot emotionally self-regulate, so they need you to be there for them or give them an indicator that you haven't left.
48 |
Wow. Wow. Wow. The signs of anxious attachment are so congruent to my symptoms of ADHD. And the fact that you used the experience of a neurodivergent child as an example really brought it home. After all my years of therapy, finally receiving an ADHD diagnosis as a 34 year old adult, THIS is the missing piece. Wow. Thank you so much! šš¼ā¤ļø
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This hits hard this is me and it hurts when your loved one leaves you due to clingyness, toxic traits like this but i just didn't want to loose them.
It breaks my heart when i get rejected or no one is into me makes me feel unlovable and hate grows inside me for others. Like why can't you see i am working on myself and a loveable guy? And it hurts me deeply to point i start hating others around me. I want to be happy and feel loved.
I am on the spectrum
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My biggest problem is that I tend to move too quickly when getting to know someone. It's like I get so hypersensitive and romantically excited and have no patience to pace myself and let things progress fluidly. Then I get called out on it by the other person. By this time their interest has more than likely declined because now I've made them reconsider and back away. I even realize what I'm doing while I'm doing it and I still just keep doing it. I think I do it because I'm scared of looking like an emotionless cold uncaring person who doesn't know how to love. I never had closeness or nurturing love growing up. I just had the necessities provided for me along with the parenting basics. I guess I'm just trying to over-provide what I never received. I'm 46 now, a widowed husband, and feel like I'm now doomed to never find another companion to share a life with.
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I feel like in the past I've been anxious about being abandoned, even though in many situations I let it be, but with how things have evolved for me, I have this mindset that I should just stay alone...I know that it would help making friends, but when you feel like you can't trust anyone, it seems hopeless
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Betrayal Trauma made my Anxious Attachment and PTSD worse. Thank you for this session
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I used to struggle with panic attacks myself, but today everything is much different. There was also anxiety. I wish you all a speedy recoveryš¼
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I just wish my parents could have somehow seen and understood this video 24 years ago. It's like a 1:1 blueprint. It is so frustrating that it takes a lifetime of hard work to somehow get right what was messed up early on.
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@DocSnipes
7 months ago
šMore videos can be found on this topic at: youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcB3trehXswjSvwE8zV5YPIā¦ ā¤ļøSelf help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at docsnipes.com/ šOnline Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certificati
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