@TheStupendium

4 years ago

LYRICS: Who’s this? The true prince of nuisance Cruise in, whoops you’re gonna need a new fence Abusing the humans for my amusement Since I hatched – and every afternoon since You can look for clues but you won’t see any boot prints Doesn’t take a sleuth to deduce just who’s been Brewing up a feud with a borough full of rubes Yes I’m coming home to roost and they’re gonna need some tutoring You can try to shoo me but I’m a tad imprudent This community is soon to see some new goosey improvements Such as all your property? Yes, it belongs to me Oh, I see, you disagree? Oh, whoops, it’s ruined! I waddle on to the allotments, squat in the shallots Then make off with half the plot while you’re not watching Popped in for another gobble of your stocks Then I’m off to see the shops and you wonder where your crops went Run off with your onions, pluck a couple’ pumpkins I don’t even eat ‘em, I just steal ‘em and I dump them Nothings more fun than befuddling a bumpkin Huddled in the shrubbery while smuggling your luncheon Didn’t knock, I just had to grab a quick fix Leave it unlocked, I’ll be back for cabbage picnic Pick & Mix, picking on a scared kid Mixing up his glasses, on his arse whilst I scarper with his airfix What a foul day Wasted again chasing water fowl away We’ve had it up to here and we’re all about to break Living in fear of the terror from the lake What a foul day wasted again chasing water fowl away We’d stuff him full of sage in the oven on a tray But the RSPCA Say the bugger has to stay So we suffer through the fate of another foul day Hear the honkety-honk As I topple over buckets and they drop and they bonk On the noggins of plonkers who thought they could conquer me Want an apology? Tough luck, I’m off with your crockery I do beg your pardon; I think you’re in my garden I’ve just decided it is, but please don’t be disheartened It’s survival of the fittest and it harkens back to Darwin I thought that we were British? Don’t you have a lip to harden? He stole the keys to the gate, put my rake in the lake Made me crush my thumb and then upped and ran away He wrecked my roses. And broke my vase. Locked me in a garage, ravaging the marketplace! Banned from the pub for messing with the punters Made off with my harmonica and left me on me’ bum – the Big scary bird scared me off with a quack Stole my plane, made me pay the shop lady for it back I care not for fences, I’m on the offensive A feathery devil who revels in senseless attempts At upending your endlessly friendly pretences Your tempers expended – oops, was that expensive? No, none of it’s hateful, you ought to be grateful A face off with nature is basically staple Of countryside living, that’s just what I’m bringing Occasional chaos but awfully tasteful What a foul day Wasted again chasing water fowl away We’ve had it up to here and we’re all about to break Living in fear of the terror from the lake What a foul day wasted again chasing water fowl away We’d stuff him full of sage in the oven on a tray But the RSPCA Say the bugger has to stay So we suffer through the fate of another foul day I’m sticking my neck out and setting the borders A little respect for the new pecking order You call me a hoarder, a menace a thief Have you thought that I’m all that you’ve got for relief? From the boredom ensured by a rural existence Of thickets and cricket and picnic subsistence To call me sadistic is far too simplistic I’m twisted but only to give you assistance They’ve all got it in for me, living in infamy Mischief’s my gift at the cost of your dignity Every day’s a fight with the stick that I’m given I say it’s only right that you give me that ribbon

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