@beautifulpineapple

1 year ago

‘We could’ve had anything else’ ‘Swallowing your doubt like swords to pit of my belly, I wanna feel the fire that you kept from me’ ‘I could’ve been anyone’ This song has comforted me through my first heartbreak. I was completely in love with my best friend, and they often referred to me as their sun. It felt sweet, but in reality I was pouring myself into the relationship and giving them all my light which I believed I owed them as they were my moon (giving personal gifts, supporting them with their abusive parents and writing love notes etc). They put me on a pedestal and told me how much they loved me often, especially after I helped them with their mental health. They’d tell me how I was the best thing to ever happen to them, how they’d be lost without me (writing songs/gift giving/quality time). Only to break up just before our anniversary with no closure in a very harsh two minute phone call (the only reason they could give was ‘I don’t want to risk it, what if we break up once we’ve moved in together’) Despite telling me I was their sun, I feel like the roles reversed, and I feel cheated out of that light I once had. My purpose felt as if it had been taken from me, and I felt like I had lost all of my goals because we once shared them. ‘I could’ve been anyone’ but I chose to be the person who loved you, and then you left me alone after being the only person who was there for you. ‘We could’ve had anything’ but you walked away the moment I asked for some of the same energy back. (Your music helps me realise how harmful codependency can become and that I’m not alone, and that we can hopefully all heal together, and feel that fire again <3)

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