@FallingAsh20

6 months ago

"I'm sick of your voice, sick of your face, Sick of your choices, sick of your name, Sick of your pleasure, sick of your pain. Sick of your pressure, sick of your game" These lyrics are how I feel about a guy I used to be friends with. We were friends for two years(i'm in the 9th grade now). He was a great guy in the beginning! I didn't know he was friends with my ex, although I didn't mind I did have a fear for him(I have really bad trauma with my ex). My ex manipulated me into dropping people etc. and so in the 8th grade We were better friends, although we argued, and this boy hated me and my ex argued which lead to me and him arguing. I started 9th grade on the 8/31 and me and the boy were friends! I had messaged him most of the summer and he didn't reply but then he sent me a letter asking in JUST me and him could hang out, alone. I sent a reply and never got one back. So one day during our RA(Related arts) I asked.."Hey why are you friends with me..?" I was hesitant to ask. He replied "Because you need support.." I was defininity in a rough place when him and I were friends, but I didn't know that's only why he was my friend. I ignored it though because we were still friends. Then a few days later we were in the same class and there is this boy we hate, im gonna call him Levi, Levi was really a b!tch, and THIS WAS MY FRIENDS SOLUTION: He said "Hey {deadname}, Yk how your $u!c!dal? You could commit $u!c!de and we can blame it on Levi!" THAT WAS THE LAST THING I NEEDED TO HEAR, FIRST MY BEST FRIEND WASN'T MY FRIEND FOR AN ACTUAL GOOD REASON AND TO JUST SUPPORT ME AND THEN HE WANTED ME D!3D?! I ignored it although it hurt me. A the next few weeks speed by and I notice this boy has been ignoring me a lot..and I was concerned but at the same time mad because I had told a JOKE and he abandoned me on the bus, so I messaged him and said: "F YOU! You and _ and _ abandon me because of a joke?! WOW! I hate you so much!! Your such a b- you r so annoying!!" and then I sent other things like how I had a panic attack everyday having to see him and how I woulda taken a bullet for him. He replied. I was hurt by his reply. I cant remember word for word his reply but it was something like this: "Wow, and your the one telling people you wanna st@b me?? Because I've been ignoring you!? You have gotten me in trouble and you are overdramatic. I'm not gonna wanna be your friend if your gonna be sending me stuff like this." I asked him when I had gotten in trouble. He blamed ME for an issue with one of my friends because I apparently "pursued him to hate her" and he knows idgaf who he is friends with. Now, this is what happened more recently, There was hidden signs that I ignored. One time he said "If the drama between you and _ doesn't stop I'm afraid im going to have to stop talking to you" When I wasn't the one causing drama. Me and _ stopping being friends for a little while and SHE HAD STARTED SPREADING RUMORS THAT I CALLED THE COPS ON HER!! Last time and this boy fought he said "We'll talk more when your drama ends". I dont wanna talk to him. I am afraid of losing him when I already have. Im afraid of being in a toxic friendship again. I hate hearing his name and what he does. I hate being his friends friends because they wont SHUT UP about this boy!! Now that I have vented I understand people have worse situations with friends, and I have had worse things with friends! I just vented about this one because these lyrics are how I feel about him. Love you guys! If you need someone to talk to there are a bunch of crisis lines that would love to listen to your issues, Im just an idiot and decide "Why not a youtube comment!" Haha well youll see me on some other comments, Bye!!

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