@cartooneyed

2 years ago

I saw warm and welcoming shapes in everything. I became one with the music. Looking down, it felt like I was in clear reality. Looking up the ceiling, it felt like I was invited to join a trip. She made me feel like I am in control, like I can choose if I want to be part of her mystical ride or to resist it. But she was so alluring that I couldn’t resist to she what offering to show me. Ayahuasca introduced herself to me and it felt like an epic musical scene from a Disney movie. With the difference to not watch it on tv but to be part of the experience. I felt the connection of all things, the divine dance of all that is in the space of all that isn’t. I saw a sacred pattern connecting everything. Ayahuasca told me that the only way to experience her full potential is through the dance inside a human. She says that she is always and infinit present. That many souls have entered her realm before me, yet still she shows up unique for everyone. It is a dance between her and you. I surrendered to her, trusted her, talked to her about my concerns and she responded wisely with thoughts, visuals or feelings. Even though she is in the field of infinity, she needs to be felt in order to be alive. She loves to heal. Within her lay millions of years of wisdom. The divine feminin resides in her, waiting to be activated. She wants to be felt, she wants to be danced with, she wants to share wisdom, she wants to heal. She knows the rhythm of life and death, but at this moment she only introduced me to the bliss of life. I saw all those souls, all those potential human beings, being courageous and brave to volunteer on earth - the mission is love. And for me it translates through writing. I saw and I felt the poem I wrote 2020 - about what God is to me, and I discovered a deeper layer of this poem. It all made even more sense. I was reminded that I was deeply attached to earth, because it made my experience seem more real. I saw me as a child, dreaming of flying to high and going into different realms, too scared to explore outer space, but still not feeling home on earth either, that’s why I tried to make it my home through those attachments. I saw the divine in my mundane life, saw how sacred the not so conscious way of living is. How liberating it is to live life like it felt safe for me. But I also saw what was blocking my blessings: the fear of my potential. The fear of my potential. Because to face my potential meant more responsibility for this human experience. It would leave me even more vulnerable. I came here to love and to be loved. I came here to share my light. And I have been hurt so many times, Aya felt this pain with me. She said that the pain I’m feeling is the pain felt by God, the love that I’m feeling is the love felt by God. She made me believe that I’m a warrior and how my spirit is built different. I learned through trial and error. I’m resilient. Now I am ready to take responsibility for my human experience. I felt like to live and to die is a huge responsibility that you can’t escape from once you signed up to show up on earth. I discovered the place of endless infinity. It was the big electromagnetic field of all that is and all that isn’t. I grasped the concept with my being: to live means to die every second - and to rise from it again and again. I saw the ouroboros (snake that bites it’s own tail, but not stagnant, it was rushing) and saw that God was trying to look for itself through humans, but by looking for God, it separated itself more from God - the ego was born. It wants to become someone in relation to something else, to be a wave in the ocean - not the ocean itself, but the wave is still not separated by the ocean. But the wave still claims to be the wave, just to enjoy its uniqueness and to explore itself in relation to the rest of the ocean. But the truth is, the ocean is experiencing itself through those waves.

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