@lillianisisaraiya2640

2 years ago

Gorgeous. Thank you so much. I'm literally living out of my car right now after my now ex boyfriend almost killed me this week. I had to be resuscitated and I lost my job because I was in the hospital. Even though it's hard and things seem dark Im actually really happy. And being someone who has been suicidal my entire life having a moment so close to death made everything else not seem that bad. And I just kind of appreciate life even more even though it looks rough. And I had a really good Thanksgiving with my family that kept my spirits up this week. And even though they've offered me places, I am going to chance moving in my car to a new city to both get away from my ex and also to be near my kids who have been living so far away for almost a year now. And I've missed them so much. And I forgive the person who almost killed me because at least it woke me up to what I actually wanted to do with my life which is be with them and be their mom and not really care about anything else except what I have to do to take care of myself. Music is basically my life blood. As a vice, it's all I care about. Even my other vices. Are all shaped around music. Didn't really care about weed till I heard Eleanor Rigby. I loved acid. But the moment I heard music on it. Gah. Pleasure. If I couldn't have music on acid I wouldn't want it. It wasn't the drug. It was the music. I'll never forget the first time I heard a beach house song on acid. I found them before I heard it on acid obviously. Because I meticulously dug through mountains of minutes of music, a very time consuming thing, to find the very best psychedelic treasures. Beach House is one. The playlist was called SirReal Space's Sexy Summertime Songs. I dosed higher than I thought and spent the first hour crying in the shower because I couldn't see anything and wish I hadn't dosed. But my trip partner got me out and was like "you spent two weeks making a playlist and you're not listening to it the timing is gonna be off" and I instantly snapped out of it and made it to the space we arranged with a sheet hanging loose over the speaker so we could see the shapes of the music better. The first was definitely black car. I want to say it was Space Song because I heard it first but I put it after Black Car. I was peaking for Black Car. It was one of the special moments you have with maybe a couple songs in your life. For a moment, for the minutes when I got to hear that song in that state, it was as close to heaven as I could ever get. It was the most beautiful, melancholic, perfect thing that had ever vibrated my being. A hauntingly majestic masterpiece. It's one of those songs I don't play all the time. Hardly ever actually. Only when I know no one is around to interrupt. When it's just me. Like it is right now. And I was crying and rolling over trying to go to sleep when I saw this and kinda went, ooh new beach house. And it reminded me again how grateful I am to still be here and still get to experience listening to beautiful music like this. And it brought me right back out of a dark moment I was having with myself. So I know that was a lot. But I just wanted to say. Thank you for making music. It has many times brought me great joy and nostalgia. I love to cry to Myth for the cathartic relief of doing it. Feels effing fantastic to cry to Myth. This is some of the finest artistic musical treasures ever bestowed to the world. I cherish it. Your work is appreciated. Deeply. Peace and love ✌️

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