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YouTube Comments - 89 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
always being gaslit as being "too sensitive, so dramatic" my emotional needs ignored cause i "wanted attention"
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My childhood as well. The intersection of narcissistic parents (the actual personality disorder) and undiagnosed autism is hellish.
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"My struggles were seen as intentional"
So much of what you've said I relate to, both in my childood and my relationship with my Mum currently. It's heartbreaking to feel so deeply misunderstood and shamed / blamed for struggling
24 |
This is incredibly relatable.
"This is why you don't have any friends." Unlocked a memory in me and I'm like. Damn.
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This is extremely relatable stuff. At the age of 40, diagnosed as autistic at 35, and starting to unpack the fact that literally everything I was punished for as a child (up to being beaten with a belt by my father) was a consequence of undiagnosed autism and something I literally had no control over. I don't know how to get over the degree to which I now know I've been mistreated my entire life.
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I kept getting a painful feeling in my chest when you were talking about this stuff, I relate to a lot of it in ways that are hard for me to put in words. I'm also pretty alone in the world as a result as well since I had to stop talking to my dad for my own safety and my mom died a while back.
I don't know if others here have experienced this but a lot of my meltdowns as a child were framed as me being hysterical and crazy. I remember my parents would threaten to film me during then, and on the outside they just looked like panic attacks I think. From what I've heard from other autistic folks with abusive parents they've also heard the "What do you think the kids at your school would think if I showed them a video of you acting crazy" threat. Even now at 30 I hide most of my emotions from others unless I reach like some kind of extreme crisis point, and even then I don't have the tools for dealing with that in a healthy way since I was never really given them. Telling your crying kid to leave and not come out of their room until they've got a smile on their face ain't it ;-;
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I learned from a young age that 'children should be seen and not heard' so I spent all my energy trying to never show emotion and stopped asking questions and was seen as shy. I believed I was the issue and managed to switch off by becoming absorbed in books as much as possible (under the covers at night until I would fall asleep and kill the torch battery). As a teen I did everything to escape through drink and drugs which got me the anxiety and depression diagnosis then Borderline personality disorder when I turned 18. I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD at 38 (2 years ago) and I am really struggling to let go of my control of myself (being still, polite, lacking in boundaries etc). I've isolated myself since the beginning of lockdown and dont want to be around anyone as am now sober and cant be around anyone as a result. I find myself living/running on adrenaline when around people and being in flight/freeze and mostly fawn which takes me ages to get out of wgen im on my own again as i struggle to relax without drugs.
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This is very relatable. Today I told my partner I'm frightened he won't want to see me because I've been crying a lot recently and I shouldn't be around people unless I can "hold myself together". I don't think I know what it's like to be comforted when I'm sad, I've always been told to go and deal with my emotions by myself and come back when I'm "normal" again. As a child, and as an adult in relationships. I remember early in my marriage sitting at the top of the stairs sobbing because I was "too much" and my wife needed a break.
The sibling favouritism thing is relevant to me also. My mother had post-natal depression and it was well known in my early years that I was the one who had ruined her life and made her want to die. For a long time I've felt like a monster who hurts people by just existing, especially not knowing that I'm autistic and not understanding why people get upset and offended and some of the things I do and say, and when I ask for an explanation they tell me I must know what I've been doing and have been doing it on purpose.
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Hi Dana, I can completely identify with your childhood from the opposite side of the world.
I didn't dare remember my childhood during my young adulthood, I remembered little other than the names & dates, and that I had told myself that I would never forget how much I hated authority, my childhood, my mom, & the Catholic Church.
I went to extremes to block it out, until I started remembering horrible events from my that I couldn't communicate how they happened to anyone without them asking questions that I couldn't answer.
I experienced sibling favoritism severely, my mom loved my little sister, & hated me. I was gaslit too. It took me until after her death when I heard her older sister talk about the traumas the 2 girls had faced in a family which favored the much older & much younger boys, & why my mom had it way worse.
Lately I always cry when I try to remember the past, though my childhood eididic memory record remains locked in there.
I hope you read my comments on your recent videos.
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āNo wonder you donāt have any friendsā - my mum to me when I was at high school. Iāll never forget it.
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This is sooo relatable! I've really struggled with accepting as an adult that my parents are never going to give me what I would want from a parent if that makes sense...?
I get envious when i see the support and friendliness that other people recieve from their parents when mine can be so cold. As you said i always had a roof over my head etc but they raised me with so much anger/impatience/uncaring that I just always feel like i missed out massively with regards the nice stuff that i see other people have experienced.
I'm still trying to accept it but it's hard! I find it easier to have a good relationship with them when i don't see them very often.
10 |
This is all so relatable. Recently my sister deleted me from social media because I was ātoo muchā for her. When I was crying to my mom about why my sister was treating me this way, my mom said my sister was popular in high school and COULD HAVE been a mean girl but actually wasnāt. I was like, what the actual eff are you talking about?! Iām so sorry your mom couldnāt take you seriously š
14 |
I used to consider my childhood "normal & happy" until quite recently. But it really wasn't! I went through a lot of similar experiences, although my parents never told me they loved me - it just wasn't ever said in our house. I've only very recently (last few years) started to think of my experiences as abuse & neglect.
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I can totally relate, my parents put me in the firing line so many times and this has effected my ability to function in the world as an adult. But the thing I find most frustrating is that I keep replaying past traumas in my head over and over and I don't know why? I can't seem to move on!
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So relatable...brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through, but thanks for sharing and helping those of us who went through similar things feel less alone.
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I've been witnessing my youngest sister out of 3 other siblings going through the same abysmal treatment you describe, which brings up traumatic memories from my childhood and what ive seen all my other siblings go through because we're all autistic including both my parents, but not a single one of us are diagnosed and they are completely heartless and cruel about our struggles and sensitivities
I wanna do something but I don't know how, mum has her own tantrums and will scream insults at me if I try to correct her or give me sinister glares the few times she's caught me trying to do better for my siblings in their absence. It's so depressing hearing the kids meltdown and fight every day while being put down by my parents
3 |
I remember my mother trying all the time to get me to play with other kids growing up and even getting stuff started as a means to get me to play along. I'd play with the other kids just fine for a little bit until I eventually managed to break off and play by myself. I was always told I was weird or creepy due to my not knowing what to do or how to do it. Eventually I started hyper focusing on the actions of others to try figuring out what the hell am I meant to do? It lead me into being used by "friends" and in the end I became more and more reclusive/hermit like and now I mostly spend my time alone and dreading interaction with people outside of my inner circle. I have few friends but the ones I do have I am very close with. In my youth I couldn't stop chattering away. Now it's more like "I want to say something, but odds are they won't understand. Never mind then."
I describe it to other folks like this:
God gave me a passive ability known as "Own Tempo". It grants insight and bonus resistance to confusion (due to the hyper analysis self defense mechanism). Penalty: Madness (neuro divergent traits I later realized). Whenever an action is made (spoken, written etc.) flip a coin; If the result is heads complete action as normal. If the result is tails action attempt fails and is misunderstood.
Stupid I know. it's just how I explain things to folks who don't have to struggle with this stuff.
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Dana, I will keep it short. I lived a very similar life, but as an only child. I felt very alone with my struggles. Thank you for sharing, you have made a difference.
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I had the same experience of a perfect looking mum from the outside and her being absolutely disinterested in... parenting me, and being just not there really. i dont think I had ever heard someone talking about that exact experience and it made me feel less alone and crazy like im making these thins up. thanks <3
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@allanwhite1533
2 months ago
In some ways the worst types of abuse/neglect are often the most covert types which remain covert because wider society doesn't consider it abuse or neglect. The sufferer feels the damaging affects but can't quite label/describe them and there are no supports in wider society to address it. That's what makes it all the more damaging.
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