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Why Narcissists Can’t Think Straight (Constructs, Introjects, Memories, Defenses)
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78,826 Views • Nov 29, 2022 • Click to toggle off description
Constructs, introjects, memories, defenses.

Construct: stable method of organizing raw internal data in a meaningful form, organizing and making sense of the world, allows to make predictions and structure experience.

Like museum (structure) organizes chronologically or thematically emotions, cognitions, memories, identity, experiences to render the world reasonable.

It shapes and mediates experience.

Also hermeneutic-exegetic mechanism for interpreting new data to conform to the construct.

Examples of constructs: ego, pathological narcissism (via grandiosity)

Multiple constructs active, but not mutually exclusive (contradictory) ones (e.g. Persona or Mask, social façade). Principle of non-contradiction.

Incompatible constructs compete for resources in binary narcissism, schizophrenia, or psychotic disorders: confusion regarding constructs that have to do with external and internal worlds or environments.

Introjects are voices of meaningful others (parents, teachers, peers, media, society, thought leaders, gurus).

Making peace reconciling with these recurrent voices to avoid dissonance. Attribution error: introjects are my voice.

Some introjects are positive, others negative.

Introjects always interfere with daily functioning, they are always on (standby). Example: cluster or community of introjects known as conscience.

Speech of introjects is automatic thoughts.

Constructs use external input (mainly from people) and introjects, soldiers of the constructs.

Constructs activate introjects in response to environmental cues and data.

Experience of reality is mediated through constructs which choose and activate introjects which produce automatic thoughts.

Experience interacts with introjects via constructs.

Constructs rearrange experience (reframe) to make sense of it. Need to communicate the new info via selectively activating introjects.

Constructs modify reality via behavior and select and reframe memories (see further)

SEQUENCE

External raw data, experience
Construct triggered
Activates introjects and their output (automatic thoughts)
Modifies behavior to affect reality
Reframes and selects for memories

Eg, covert narcissism construct

You cannot obtain supply directly, collapse, failure, inferiority, dysregulated self-worth and self-esteem. Birthed by your collapse.

Covert narcissism makes sense of the world by informing you that you are a failure, hated, discriminated against (passive-aggressive).

Main message: lack of self-efficacy, don’t try – you will fail, will never extract positive outcomes from the environment

Urges and drives (id)

Info sent to construct. Construct anticipates failure and pain. Must be prevented by making sense of the world.

Reaches out to introjects, activates them to prevent success (which would threaten the construct founded on failure)

Construct wants to survive and drives you to behave in ways which will uphold the construct, not challenge it

Introjects use automatic thoughts (output) to shape behavior to ensure failure in order to affirm the construct

Construct organizes output from introjects according to identity (ego congruency: output must conform to reality and to self-identity as ego=reality testing plus memories) and inhibits certain behaviors

Automatic thoughts which conflict with reality or with memories are not effective, dissonant, provoke suspicion of manipulation (estrangement), feel weird, and lead to rejection of construct

Construct structures behavior to falsify reality: make you behave in a way that will alter reality, example: make you fail, keep you in state of collapse (if covert narcissism is the construct) because success is a threat, and render it compatible with the automatic thoughts (self-defeating, self-sabotaging, self-undermining, even self-destructive behaviors).

Construct falsifies memories to conform to the automatic thoughts in 3 ways: 1. Dissociation of incongruent memories 2. Changes emotional content of the memory by reframing and attribution (for example, of motivations to people) 3. Selectivity (accessing only memories that conform to the construct and repressing all others).

Paints memories retroactively with elements that were not necessarily there: memory+, reinterprets memories and experiences, leveraging cognitions and emotions

Wrong data (ill informed) about reality and about memories.

Construct interprets and filters external experience and internal experience, including memories, cognitions and emotions

Construct exerts absolute power over the way you experience yourself, your life, and the world. Tells you what to remember, how to remember, how to make sense of what you remember, how to change your behaviors to affect reality in a way that will support the construct.

Ultimately, construct isolates from reality and protects against it. Manipulates reality to render it palatable, for example via defense mechanisms to modify perception of reality to allow you to survive it.
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YouTube Comments - 210 Comments

Top Comments of this video!! :3

@soloecho3074

1 year ago

I understand now. The Narcissist is not testing his perceptions against External Reality (reality testing) to check whether his perceptions are true. Rather, the Narcissist is testing his perceptions against his Internal Fantasy Construct AND rejecting any external reality that doesn’t align with his Internal Fantasy Construct.

250 |

@user-mr3le4hs4e

1 year ago

My mother started screaming once again on the phone after I told her about how her behavior and words have hurt me. Then she hung up as always. Not able or willing to listen at all. And as always, after a couple of days or weeks,she talks like nothing has happened and EVEN tells me that I was disrespectful and that I was screaming to her. I didn't even raise my voice. As always. She really seems to believe what she's saying herself. She still even makes me doubt what actually happened . Completely twists the reality.

344 |

@marilynrosario228

10 months ago

Where can I get a "Sam Vaknin Saved My Life " Tshirt

20 |

@MajaJeremic

1 year ago

I'm laughing here, I knew I had to come to you to find better vocabulary to explain myself what I'd been dealing with. Happy to know that I had thirty years of relationship with a construct, rather than a person. Something to think about for those who ever want a narcissist back...

34 |

@gullwingsyrp88

1 month ago

I have a Sam Vaknin introject for sure. I ended my situationship because of one of your videos about people pleasing. 😆

9 |

@patriciajoseph3035

1 year ago

This explains why some people seem hell bent on sabotaging themselves. Thanks Doc. This video is so enlightening.

58 |

@privaesea6046

1 year ago

28:30 “failure, being a loser” are the exact words I use to describe narcissistic breakdown, or lashing out 😂

50 |

@mariaelenarodriguez6188

1 year ago

Dr. Vaknin, I am thousands of kms far from you, and you don’t know how much good you have done to me through the contents you freely share. I am most grateful.

82 |

@2hetig

1 month ago

My Sam Vaknin introject is like the voice of reason, keeps me from irrational thinking. Helped a lot to make better decisions and for that im forever grateful

5 |

@lauraf.e2788

1 year ago

Basically, feelings are facts for the narcissist.

17 |

@hogski1000

1 year ago

This reminds me of a British classic movie The Loneliness of the Long-distance Runner, in which a motivational teacher tries to create a team of runners at a youth correctional facility. They get so good he puts them into a race and the best one, just about to win, stops before the finishing line with a sardonic grin at his teacher, and allows himself to lose, hands victory to a privileged child. Failure is so comfortable, he cannot allow himself to win, it would destroy him.

68 |

@Spectre2434

1 year ago

I think it's hard to think when you are basically delusional and projecting all the time.

34 |

@cailinbeagdeas

1 year ago

I secured a Barring Order against my expartner on Monday. It's been a two year battle to gain autonomy and freedom which I couldn't have done without your insight and clarity. Thank you Sam Vaknin.. You're a hero!!

31 |

@johnwatsonjr3695

1 year ago

Doc you are off the chain! Thanks for the dedication 😊

9 |

@leannajimenez2322

1 year ago

The ending of this video is gold.

14 |

@JessicaBrown-kd1pj

1 year ago

With all due respect, I NEED to have you as an introject professor, it's the only thing keeping me away from the narcissist in my close past.

92 |

@lorihull8467

1 year ago

Another gem of a video. 💎 I have wracked my brain trying to understand his lack of understanding what cause and effect is along with other topics covered in this video. Only after being educated by Professor Vaknin, did I finally come to terms with these questions and that brought me peace of mind.

59 |

@enricio

1 year ago

My IQ is not on Mensa level but since you explain so clearly I can relate spot-on to your explanation. 😎. Thank you for giving clarity. 👏🍷

19 |

@JonasSalomonsson

1 year ago

”If I disable the introject, I disable the construct as well”, this rings so true. Happens to me about 15 years ago, when I opened up and felt the world for the fist time. My mind has bin extremely quite since. And by the way…. I strongly suspect my dad is a narcissist…

5 |

@ragnar999tobi

1 year ago

Yeah like the woman I met, she had all the red flags for a covert or vulnerable narcissist, she gave me her CV to put it on online platforms to apply for her for jobs, as I met her in a hostel in Portugal, I was there a few weeks before starting to working and moving into the shared apartment. This woman said she would be a lawyer and she might be in Brazil, but not fully recognized in Portgual where you have to make a kind of exam if you want to work for big companies or the government, specially the government, well when I googled her name I found like 35 rejections because she never had made that exam but in her CV it was written? Do Narcissists not think that somebody checks this? To me, she told a poor victim story about why she and her 9 year old daughter is living on social support and getting placed in hostels and governmental institutions...she was married 2 once to a very rich guy from Brazil, guess the second one was rich too and they all might have made marriage contracts...its fascinating how her life from pike time 30s went down to her 44 now living homeless and jobless, as I could see the pictures of her on facebook...and fault are only others....but not her drinking more beer than me or smoking weed, as I played a lot with her little daughter that was bored there....she told me later once they needed to help her mother taking shower as she had pissed herself.... she complained about the food even it was free, her little dog pissed inside the hostel and she had to clean it and she made a scene...she took clothes which were there donated for the poor..so I assumed she would be poor...which made her a little angry XD it was funny, I made inside my head a checklist for narcissistic traits or signs and she scored very high. Is it normal for that kind of women to control you during sex, like they give you oral sex but don't want it, to be in full control? The sex was very strange never had that before, it was a staged show from a porn script, that she squirted did not surprise me as she had drunk before 1,5 liter beer alone... The funny thing is she reminded me a lot to my mother, I have a problem with those women with victim stories and so sad lives...but luckily I get better in detecting them....I do not want to end like my father!!! I do not want to be anymore the savior XD I want to be saved XD

10 |

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