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124,466 Views • May 18, 2024 • Click to toggle off description
How can we prevent damage in our relationships? To start with we can regularly ask our partners two ostensibly simple yet hugely central and effective questions…

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FURTHER READING

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“Relationships get damaged; every day brings with it small challenges - disappointments, frustrations, and irritations - that can come between even the most committed lovers and subtly wear away at the sincerity of their connection.

To prevent the risks, lovers should regularly make room to ask themselves - in a calm spirit of gentle openness and curiosity - two ostensibly simple yet hugely central and effective questions:

What are you angry with me about?

How have I scared you recently?”

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101 Comments

Top Comments of this video!! :3

@louisademetrio4408

6 months ago

The Truth is, "Anger" takes over when there is No Comunication... No Reciprocity... No Affection... No Nothing!!!

509 |

@JLakis

6 months ago

If you feel like asking or answering those questions would not be tolerated or you have tried over and over to ask them without any improvement or understanding then you need to break up. They're not your person.

293 |

@patrickk9539

5 months ago

Even if the relationship doesn’t last, you’ll walk away having learned more about yourself.

168 |

@HurricanePuppies

5 months ago

Just enforced this lesson with my partner this morning BEFORE I even saw this post.

People, it works WONDERS. Lasting relationships start by harboring this level of transparency and reflection in communication.
It is extremely intimate and important that your partner can feel safe expressing when you’ve let them down. It is so vital in a relationship to communicate upset without fear of intolerance, rejection, or fundamental negative change in the relationship.
Turn off your ego, even your specific grievance just momentarily to truly HEAR them as an individual separate from your relationship, hear their grievance as just a human being who is bothered.
Then and only then can you safely and compassionately understand and come to a respectful compromise or solution together.

Allow them the space to be heard so there is reciprocity when they give you the space and listen. We teach each other and learn from each other.

If you can’t, at the very least you can talk through each others emotions, and make some sort of connection that can be worked with at a later time.

98 |

@diamondman0079

6 months ago

While I agree with the general premise, I feel the need to point out that this is only applicable when the other party feels that they will not be made fun of or otherwise mistreated for being honest; the person asking those questions might be looking for something to turn around on the other person. Moreover, if it is a recurring problem, there could be a preexisting sentiment that nothing the other person says will change anything. So why bother? Especially if doing so resulted in them being mistreated in the past. Finally, asking someone, "How have I scared you recently?" is a loaded question; if they feel scared, they aren't going to admit that because it will be used against them and make them more scared.
Tldr: This is only effective for an already healthy relationship.
Source: I had an abusive, narcissistic mother; so I'm trying to make sure no one else goes through what I had to

69 |

@lesleyM84

5 months ago

let go of letdowns in a safe space is such a beautiful path to maintaining closeness.. love to hear this…. having two people occupying this mindset in any form of relations, would solve almost anything, right?🙏🏻🙏🏻🕊️🙏🏻

13 |

@JulesAl-Mighty

4 months ago

This would be good for parents to ask their children as well.

8 |

@360.Tapestry

5 months ago

this assumes there's enough goodwill and good faith remaining in the lines of communication. this is what people should attempt at once. but, instead, they only attempt this at last when they have exhausted all other options of waiting the other person out

48 |

@sundus928

2 months ago

Just a shoulder to rest on ,
just a hand to hold.
Let our hearts communicate,
That's all i want.
That's all i need.

4 |

@pamelaleebabcock281

4 months ago

❤ thank you, people get frightened that they frighten another, they don't realize that it goes both ways and that it's just about triggers needing to be healed, don't give up, talk, understand, heal yourself ❤

6 |

@abbykoop5363

1 month ago

Seems I always did all the apologizing. I'm single and much happier for it!

5 |

@sundus928

2 months ago

It's not just about words, it's HOW you communicate. You ask these questions like a robot and your partner will see that that you want to quickly move on and get done with it.
This only works when there is love between the partners.

5 |

@AaliyaKhan

1 month ago

Never can work on an abusive relationship

6 |

@1972hermanoben

5 months ago

Can't do much to help when someone is clamped tightly shut.

6 |

@jerrodplummer6850

2 weeks ago

I can do anything, but when people get angry with me and don't give me the tools I need to cope, I find it difficult to bring everyone into the love and life I know we are capable of sharing.

If life feels like both a dream and nightmare, its likely because I still experience both.

I don't actually get angry, but I do leave traces of my hopes and disappointments on the way to paradise.

|

@MikeDial

1 month ago

I would have thought that the two most important questions are "Do you feel visible?" and "Do you feel appreciated?", but maybe that''s just me.

1 |

@TheThora17

1 month ago

I very much appreciate this!

|

@jz5005

4 months ago

I don’t even need to ever ask to hear the endless answers to the first question. That’s what I’m angry about.

2 |

@CorinthianIvory

5 months ago

I don't think this accounts for a simple fact:
"Everybody lies."
-House, MD

3 |

@PeterParker-kv1rg

1 month ago

I asked
She didn't reply
I asked
I asked
I asked
She got irritated
I don't exist in her life anymore

2 |

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