@CarnivoreChronicles-m9b

2 months ago

I wrote a short story/movie script about Coach! 😃

Coach paces slowly between the desks of the students sat in the Carnivore Classroom, his voice booming out around the cavernous hall

Coach: 🗣️ “Today class, we’re going to be making a Breakfast Bap. The ingredients are as follows. Egg, egg, sausage, bacon, egg. In that order. Any questions?”

Normal person: raises hand 🙋‍♂️ “but coach, what about the slices of bre—-“
a harsh slapping sound echos round the classroom

Coach: ‼️🤚🏻👺 “silence, you fool! Haven’t I told you NEVER to utter that word in my presence?!”

Normal person: “I- I’m… sorry, Coach-“

Coach: gently strokes normal person’s face
👁️🫦👁️
“sweet child… don’t you want to ascend to a higher plane of existence? An existence so exquisite, not even eyebrows are required? Don’t you want to stride nobly through the fields of meat, running your hands over the flowering tips of the meat-poppies, while an iconic Hans Zimmer soundtrack plays in the background? Is this not what you’re here for?”

Normal person: 🥺 “Coach, that’s all I’ve ever wanted, honest it is! I started watching your videos on the Youtubes… back when I ate bread, and cereal, and the odd pint-and-packet on a Friday night. But then I saw your translucent skin, your savage bowl cut, and the way you pointed and grimaced at cornflakes in Asda. I realised I wanted to be just like you! Please don’t throw me off the course, Coach… I beg you!”

a heavy, brooding silence descends on the carnivore classroom

Coach: breaks silence ominously 😡 “what… did you just say?”

Normal person: looking bewildered “I- I wanted to be… j-just like you- I…” 😰

Coach: “No. What were those… those words of FILTH that came out your mouth?!” 😡🔥

coach begins to get redder and redder, until he is glowing like a smouldering ember

Coach: “Repeat them again. REPEAT THEM AGAIN!”

Normal Person: bewilderment turns to terror, as he watches Coach’s rage-filled transformation
“Coach… please—!”

Coach: 👺 “don’t make me eviscerate you to ashes in front of the rest of the class. REPEAT. THOSE. WORDS!”

Normal Person: 🫥 “b-b-bread… cereal… a-a-and the odd… the odd pint and-“

the fearful stammering cuts off abruptly as Coach swiftly fires two Bovril-laser-beams from his nostrils at the Normal Person, who is instantly eviscerated amid a cloud of thick smoke 💥💀💨

the terror and silence within the Carnivore Classroom is palpable; the other students dare not even breathe 👀🤐

The smoke begins to clear where Normal Person once sat, and in his place now rests a slightly-overcooked ribeye steak …🥩

Coach saunters over to the steak, picks it up and sniffs it menacingly 👃🏻 before taking a large, sinister bite out of it

Coach: gunfingers at class “tastes BANG ON! 💪🏻 … now, who else wishes to disrespect the beliefs of the Carnivore Lifestyle by uttering words of heresy? Take this as your warning, class. Any talk of carbohydrates or refined sugars will 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 BE 👏🏻 TOLERATED. Is this understood!?”

the class nods in fearful unison

Coach: voice deepens to a demonic whisper 🔥👄🔥
“for the damned will find solace within the flames.”

Coach’s voice suddenly switches back to normal, and he claps his hands together jauntily

Coach: “Don’t forget to start thriving with the new Carnivore Breakfast Bap recipe! Class

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