Onion News Network Shorts
51 videos • 5,005 views • by The Onion
The Onion News Network has returned. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from now until the end. Not watching is an act of defiance.
1
God's Penis Visible In Night Sky For First Time In Millennia | Onion News Network
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2
J.D. Vance Under Fire For Criticizing Childless Children | Onion News Network
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3
Ballots Flushed Down Toilet Will No Longer Be Counted | Onion News Network
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4
Trump Aims To Secure Amish Vote | Onion News Network
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5
U.S. Deploys Socially Awkward Men Along Border To Deter Migrants | Onion News Network
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6
New Trump Ad Shows Montage Of People He’ll Kill If Elected | Onion News Network
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7
Election Touchscreen Map Takes Deeper Look Inside Key Swing Voter | Onion News Network
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8
Neo-Nazi Pulls Off Surprise Victory In Long-Held KKK District | Onion News Network
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9
Biden, Trump Die 2 Minutes Apart Holding Hands | Onion News Network
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10
Taylor Swift Arrested On Weapons Charges After Federal Agents Raid Tour Bus | Onion News Network
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11
Cash-Strapped Subway Threatens To Reveal Identities Of Customers Who Eat Subway If They Don’t Pay
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12
More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns
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13
Wrongly Convicted Death Row Inmate Exonerated Mere Hours After Execution | Onion News Network
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14
Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade
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15
Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test | Onion News Network
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16
Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance
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17
GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation | Onion News Network
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18
Why Investors Are Betting Big On Gigslave App
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19
CIA Announces It Has Obtained The Briefcase
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20
Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile
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21
Local Teen Invents Masturbation | Onion News Network
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22
Report: You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day
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23
You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day
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24
Death Of Chopped-Up Woman Ruled A Suicide
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25
Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine
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26
Trump Announces Seal Team 6 Killed U.S. Protester In Daring Overnight Raid
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27
Trump Announces Seal Team 6 Killed U.S. Protester In Daring Overnight Raid
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28
Dalai Lama Tapped As Interim Pope
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29
Elon Musk Creates Federal Employee Revenge Porn Database
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30
Elon Musk Creates Federal Employee Revenge Porn Database
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31
Signal For New Pope Delayed While Dead Raccoon Dislodged From Sistine Chapel Chimney
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32
Mother Extremists Hijack Airwaves To Broadcast Photos Of Their Children
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33
Mother Extremists Hijack Airwaves To Broadcast Photos Of Their Children
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34
U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Participating In Combat
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35
U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Participating In Combat
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36
U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Participating In Combat
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37
213 Killed In How Do You Pronounce That?
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38
JD Vance Rushed To Walter Reed After Inner Hillbilly Returns
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39
JD Vance Rushed To Walter Reed After Inner Hillbilly Returns
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40
Tariff-Strained Apple Announces 7,083-Piece iPhone Kit
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41
Trump Imposes 50% Tariff On Companies That Just Feel Chinese
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42
FEMA Head Under Fire After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System
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43
Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks
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44
Satellite Images Reveal Drunk Father Stockpiling Fireworks
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45
Trump Orders His Face Added To The Pep Boys Logo
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46
U.N. Warns Iran Stockpiling Creatine To Develop Washboard Abs
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47
White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
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48
White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
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49
Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
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50
Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
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51
Trump Administration Freezes Foreign Men
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