What happened when you finally set a boundary in a relationship? Drop your wisdom in the comments. You never know who needs to hear it today.
6 - 17
I didn’t realize how much I confused closeness with losing myself... until everything finally broke.
When I was younger, my most intense, magnetic relationships had almost no boundaries.
We would become enmeshed — merging schedules, friendships, interests, even identities.
At the time, it felt like the kind of "oneness" I had been craving since childhood. The chemistry was undeniable.
The sense of belonging was overwhelming and addictive.
But as I got older, I started to notice something:
- In the blurring, I disappeared.
- I became unrecognizable to myself.
- Some deeper part of me stayed locked away, hidden, unexposed.
I was hiding a deeper avoidance with my anxious blending.
Eventually, it became safer to live in the gray.
If no one labeled anything, no one could truly reject you...and you couldn't really reject them either.
No harm, no foul.
No real intimacy. No real devastation.
But also — no real connection.
No real SELF to connect to.
Over time, life started to feel hollow.
I walked around performing "success" by day, and crying myself to sleep at night.
I put myself in risky situations just to feel something, just to prove I was still alive.
I told myself nobody loved me, nobody chose me.
And yet... there was always someone lingering in the background, someone I'd keep just close enough to validate my worth and attractiveness, but never close enough to matter.
The truth was, I was punishing myself with the kinds of people I thought I deserved.
Not really knowing why I found myself so undeserving.
Until one day, I made a decision.
I stopped dating.
I stopped casual hook ups.
I stopped using other people to fill the void I didn’t want to face.
For three celibate years, I held council with myself.
I poured all that energy into a different channel — into writing, creativity, and healing my heart.
I returned to my art, my spirituality, my body. I went back to therapy.
And through that process, every part of me — even the wounded, hidden parts — finally got a voice.
Slowly, new stories began to take shape inside of me.
Stories that weren’t about abandonment, or punishment, or performance.
Stories about agency.
About self-trust.
About becoming my own home.
Of course, I wasn’t truly alone.
I rebuilt my friendships.
I traveled.
I studied Reiki, hypnotherapy, and somatic therapy.
I sat in over 20 plant medicine ceremonies.
I built a six-figure business.
I co-authored two books.
I became a better mother, a better friend, and most of all... I became someone I enjoyed being alone with.
And all of it — all of it — started with learning how to honor boundaries.
Not as a way to wall myself off...
But as a way to say: This is me. That is you. And this is how we can share space without losing ourselves.
Because that’s the real purpose of love.
Not to erase who we are... but to meet as whole beings who are willing to see and be seen.
If you feel like you’re still disappearing in your relationships, still punishing yourself with people who can't meet you — you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle.
You can write a new story too.
#BoundariesThatHeal #SelfWorthJourney #HealingThroughBoundaries
154 - 20
𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖?
👉 Vote and feel free to share in the comments if you're consciously working to rewrite any of these beliefs.
6 - 3
𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐁𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝? 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐮𝐭... 🎯
Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re the ultimate self-care flex. 💅✨
But when you're wired for anxiety or avoidance (or hey, BOTH depending on the day), boundaries can get...uhh, weird. 😅
Here’s how the confusion shows up:
- Anxious hearts worry that having needs = being “mean” or “selfish” 🥺 (Spoiler: it’s not.)
- Avoidant souls armor up with rigid boundaries that are basically emotional escape rooms 🧊 (Also...not great.)
And if you don’t catch it early, you could end up making these 6 Boundary Blunders that lowkey ruin relationships:
👉Toxic Positivity: Feelings are only allowed if they’re ✨ pretty ✨ and positive.
👉 Anti-Dependency: "I MUST love myself alone in a cave with a pet rock."
👉 Abandonment Panic: Saying “yes” to yourself feels like saying “no” to your partner. (It’s not!)
👉 Emotional Bondage: If your needs upset someone, you must be wrong. (You’re not.)
👉 Self-Sacrifice Olympics: Love = suffering and martyrdom. (Hard pass.)
👉 Power Struggles: It's either your needs or theirs — no in-between. (False!)
CLEAR version:
✅ All feelings are welcome.
✅ Connection is sacred, not a solo survival mission.
✅ Loving yourself isn’t abandoning others.
✅ Your needs are valid even if they ruffle feathers.
✅ Compromises should honor your values, not bleed you dry.
✅ Needs can coexist with a little curiosity and compassion. ❤️
If you're sitting there like, "Oof...is it really this complicated??" — GOOD NEWS. 🥳
I made something for you! 📖💖
My Boundaries Guidebook walks you through it step-by-step:
🔸A 10-question self-assessment
🔸A simple 5-step process for setting boundaries that stick
🔸PLUS red and green flag cheat sheets for spotting the right people (and the wrong ones 👀)
👉 Check it out here: onlinecourses.brianamacwilliam.com/boundaries-guid…
You’re not too much. You’re not selfish.
You’re learning to love without losing yourself. 🛡️💛
7 - 7
𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘?
Boundaries: because apparently mind-reading isn’t a relationship skill yet. 😂
Tell me — which one of these boundary boss battles is kicking your butt the most lately? 🥊✨
💬 Vote below! Feel free to drop a comment if you need to vent about your most recent boundary oops moment. No shame in this circle
12 - 1
I don’t have to say that communication is KEY when it comes to repairing after a fight.
But with some of my clients, every time they try to talk things out with their avoidant partner, their partner shuts down, walks away, or seem completely unbothered…😩
This is not uncommon.
The thing is, when it comes to expressing emotions and wanting clarity in relationship—
✔️ We know exactly how to articulate what’s on our mind.
✔️ We're emotionally invested in finding solutions.
✔️ We genuinely want to make things work.
So… why does it feel like the more we try to fix things, the further away they pull?
Well, brace yourself—because here’s the truth:
🚨 Pushing for a conversation right away won’t help us reconnect. In fact, it’s likely making things worse.
Avoidants don’t handle conflict the same way anxious partners do. They don’t “talk it out” to feel better—they need space first to process before re-engaging.
If we are constantly chasing, apologizing, or over-explaining, we're reinforcing their biggest fear—losing their autonomy and feeling emotionally controlled.
So here’s your starting point:
✅ Give them space to regulate. They will come back when they feel safe.
✅ Focus on your emotional regulation instead of panicking over their silence.
✅ Recognize their repair attempts (it might look like a casual check-in, not a deep convo).
Want a simple roadmap for handling this the right way? Click this link, for the 30 scripts and scenarios that help rebuild connection—without the chase.
👇CLICK THIS LINK👇
onlinecourses.brianamacwilliam.com/repair-scripts-…
76 - 42
Be honest: Which Taylor Swift era is your attachment system living in right now?
What album are you currently healing to? Drop it below and let us know why it hits so hard. Bonus points for lyric quotes that sum up your love life 👇
5 - 12
🌟 Big News! 🌟To celebrate and drum up excitement for the launch of my brand-new membership, "The Secure Spark Studio," we’re kicking things off with something special…
👉 The Secure Spark Studio 5-Day Challenge!
✨ Explore. Discover your clarity. Begin to feel secure in love.
This challenge is designed for those of you who’ve done the work — therapy, books, self-reflection — and still find love confusing.
If you’ve ever asked yourself…
“Why do I keep attracting the same patterns, even though I know better?”
“Is this spark real, or is it just my anxiety talking?”
“How can I trust myself in relationships without losing who I am?”
…then this 5-day journey is for you. 💖
Here’s what we’ll explore together:
🌱 Day 1 – Setting the Spark: Clarify your guiding question + intention
🍂 Day 2 – Fall (Release): Let go of old patterns + beliefs
❄️ Day 3 – Winter (Seed): Plant self-trust and reconnect with your secure self
🌸 Day 4 – Spring (Grow): Reframe limiting beliefs into empowering truths
☀️ Day 5 – Summer (Expand): Integrate insights + embody your secure spark in love
By the end, you’ll walk away with:
✨ Clarity on your patterns (and how they’ve been protecting you)
✨ Tools to calm your nervous system and shift out of old loops
✨ A repeatable process to access your intuitive wisdom — even when you feel anxious
✨ Connection with a supportive, like-hearted group
✨ Hope that secure, soulful love is possible for you
HERE'S THE SKINNY
📅 When: September 15–19th, 2025 at 4pm EST (New York Time)
📍 Where: Live on Zoom + replays inside this group (until Sept 22nd)
🎁 Bonus: 2 Testimonial contest winners will receive a free 60-minute private coaching session with me ($350 value)
✨ Plus — everyone in the challenge will unlock founding member pricing for The Secure Spark Studio Membership.
👉 Register here: onlinecourses.brianamacwilliam.com/secure-in-the-s…
I can’t wait to dive into this with you — it’s going to be creative, experiential, and transformational. Let’s get ready to explore the spark together! 💖
4 - 0
When it comes to soul mate connections, what do you really believe?
5 - 5
109 - 3
This channel is for the sensitive, self-aware, spiritually-inclined seeker who's tired of toxic relationship cycles and wants to love more wisely without abandoning themselves. It’s part healing journey, part relationship strategy, with a big emphasis on attachment science, trauma healing, communication skills, and soul-aligned growth.
If you’re into attachment theory meets emotional alchemy with a little woo, this is your spot.
8 January 2012