Tw: integration
We're just checking in to let y'all know we're doing fairly well right now and we have a video from a week or so ago to post, but we're still working on the description. It's been slow going making the tw for it because of travelling and lack of phone battery - and when we've had battery, we've mostly only been able to use it to listen to music, due to some integration we've been experiencing. Hopefully we'll have it finished soon.
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Tw: integration mention
Hey guys, I just want to let y'all know that we're doing as well as we could hope to be at this moment. We journeyed to a new town over the past few days and are, for the most part, enjoying where we are. We would've made a new video by now but haven't had a chance. Hopefully in the next day or two we'll have the opportunity. In the meantime, I hope you are all doing well as you can be yourselves. We've been integrating a lot around this channel and how blessed we feel by all of you. I don't want to get too emotional right now or go on too long, but I want to affirm once again how much I appreciate you.
~ Blessings, Dylan
(For some reason, our old way of concluding things on here has suddenly come to mind)
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Tw: integration
Hi guys, I just want to give a quick update letting you all know that due to a huge and rather sudden core integration (even though there was much leading up to it), our personality has drastically shifted and we aren't entirely sure how it's going to affect us on here. It has been rapidly changing the way we talk and think about things, including in regards to this channel, and so we want to formally state that if you notice we are different, it is, to the absolute best of our knowledge, due to positive integration and if any negative side effects become manifest, we will do our best to address them and apologize in advance.
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I'm trying to post a video but it won't post. It's gotten so bad that I tried to do a livestream just now but it acted weird and then like it didn't happen at all. I'm going to go to a different location to try to upload my latest video in case it really just is a connection problen but I'm not sure. I've been trying for the past day and I feel like I'm being f***ed with hard.
Edit: like this just appeared to immediately post without problems. But youtube won't let me upload at all.
Second edit: shortly after I posted this, it suddenly started working. We've noticed that when things like this happen, if we complain about them, they shift. I've gotten the impression that our abusers think it'll make us look non-credible if we say our uploads are being sabotaged and then they work. It seems they hope that people will conclude that we aren't really being targeted if we say we are in some way and then it changes.
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I just noticed that the comments are turned off on my most recent video. As always, I didn't do that. I'm going to see if I can fix it, but as with my other videos for which this has been a problem, it'll probably reset itself right after. Perhaps if anyone wants to comment on it, you can do so here instead.
Edit: I turned the comments back on and it appears to have worked, but idk how long it'll stay that way.
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Hey guys, I just want to check in and let y'all know we're okay. We've been going through an intense time of healing and growth, centered around moving north of where we've been living. It's all positive, but we've been struggling to devote the time we want to give to this channel. We recorded a long video about a week ago and have been intending to upload it in parts, but just haven't had a chance yet. While we still don't have stable housing, it does seem like we're settling down where we are for awhile, so hopefully we'll have an opportunity to do that soon. We also haven't been able to check the comments in a little while, but we hope to be able to soon as well. I don't know how you all are doing, but I am sending you all my love as always.
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A message for new subscribers (tw: talk of boundaries around money, religion, politics and common triggers)
I have noticed that my subscriber count is going up at a faster rate and we're getting more comments, so I'd like to firstly say welcome and thank you for taking the time to listen to our testimonies. I don't know how all of you found our channel, but I am glad you are here.
I really want to focus on positives here, but I have noticed a few issues are coming up in the comments and to avoid further confusion, I feel compelled to say a few things about boundaries. The main ones are around finances, politics and religion.
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For people who want to give us money, housing, etc:
We have spoken extensively on this channel about being in poverty, but we also have stated many times that we do not accept donations of any kind. This has always been true and is still true now. If you want to help us personally, we welcome positive comments and healing energy (we ourselves are an energy worker and consider that to be one of the main forms of help we are willing and able to receive), but all we really ask of you guys is that you do what you can to listen to what we say and make the most of whatever resonates with you.
That could mean taking direct action to save trafficking victims - or it could simply mean forgiving yourself as a survivor and moving on. It could mean becoming a counsellor for victims of narcissistic abuse. Or maybe it could mean starting a mindfulness practice, or rededicating yourself to your faith, or finding the inspiration to draw or sing.
Our point is, we want you guys' help, desperately, but for the benefit of yourselves and the rest of the world, not just us. It seems like sometimes people get hung up on the fact that we can't accept money or housing from them and subsequently feel like they're not being helpful enough to our cause. And while we try to maintain an attitude of "being the cause," that doesn't mean that helping us directly is the only way to help us or to contribute to what we're doing. If all you do is get inspired to take care of yourself better or be kinder to others, then you've given us a much greater gift than you probably realize.
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For Christians:
We've noticed an increase in comments relating to Christianity, so we'd like to say a couple of things about that. To start, we want to specifically thank those of you who are Christian for being here. We welcome your support and want to hear from you. We ask, however, that you refrain from evangelizing us in certain ways.
We are a multi-faith dissociative system and feel deep spiritual kinship with the teachings of Jesus, however we are not Christian-identified and external pressure to accept religious beliefs that are not ours can cause us a great deal of anxiety. It can also cause a lot of anxiety for other survivors of ritual abuse who read the comments. And because there are so few safe spaces for us to talk, I take the safety of the comments sections on my channel pretty seriously.
So what I ask is that if you feel the need to share about your faith, you do the following things:
1. Put a trigger warning followed by a few spaces so survivors have more of a choice whether to read your comment. It can be simple like "tw: christianity" or "tw: the bible" or "tw: god."
2. Speak in I-statements and avoid commands. We ask that everyone do this unless setting a personal boundary like I am doing here, but it's of particular importance when it comes to this subject.
Saying "I have been a Christian for ten years and Jesus has brought great healing to my life" is very different than saying "Ask Jesus for forgiveness for having been abused as a child" (yes I really get comments like that sometimes) or "Your path is wrong and you need to follow mine now." We welcome the first type of comment wholeheartedly, even though it is still triggering for us, but we may block you from commenting if you leave the second kind.
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For Qanons:
We've also noticed an increase in comments from supporters of the Qanon movement. This is difficult for us to address, but we will do our best to concisely express what we feel the need to express. If you are a supporter of Qanon, then we also welcome you here, but need you to maintain some specific boundaries when you comment.
The main one is regarding your personal beliefs about Donald Trump and his character. If you think that he is a good person who is trying to save trafficked children, then we want you to feel safe to share your thoughts honestly, but we need you to respect that we do not feel the same way. Growing up in the underground of ritual abuse and mind control, we saw things that have led us to believe that he is not an ally here and that if we want to stop child trafficking, we must seek different kinds of solutions.
In the past couple of years, we have received many comments imploring us to contact and/or generally embrace Donald Trump as an ally to our community, which is not something we can do. So if you want to share your beliefs about Trump, we ask that you follow the guidelines written above for Christians, but about Qanon instead.
One concern we've had is that survivors may be being programmed to react to Qanon phrases as triggers. When we see the phrases "ww**w**" or "the gr**t aw*k*n*ng," we notice that some parts of our system automatically dissociate. For us, it doesn't feel intense enough to make us panic like it once would have, but we worry that for certain survivors who have done less deprogramming work, it might present more serious issues.
So putting a "tw: trump" or "tw: qanon" before talking about the subject, particularly if you use any phrases like the ones I mentioned above, could really go a long ways to make our comments sections accessible. Even though we share different views about the subject, I think that most of you genuinely want to help trafficking victims, as do I, and I want to see us succeed in doing that together.
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A few other notes:
We don't expect people to be rigorously attentive about tw's in the comments. We have, for the most part, not asked anyone to use tw's there at all. However, we have been making more of an effort to get alters in our own system to use them when we feel it's necessary, and they seem to be useful for people with many different kinds of trauma histories, so we want to emphasize their usefulness in regards to comments in general, not just ones about the subjects mentioned above.
For survivors who want to talk about trauma in the comments, we don't hold you to the same standards as others in this way, but we do think that if you can put warnings before going into detail, it could make it easier for others to receive it safely. Even if you just say "tw" without explaining, it could help a lot. But if you need to just share without worrying about it, we do not want this to be a barrier.
We don't want to ask too much of anyone when it comes to avoiding common Mk triggers, but a couple things that would make a difference would be refraining from putting words in all caps and using certain emojis like the Ok symbol and butterflies. I understand why some survivors may find using butterfly emojis healing, but for now we think it's best if everyone avoids using them here, especially orange ones.
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A note about blocking:
We try not to block anyone unless it's really obvious to us that we need to, but we do block people sometimes if they feel too much like an abuser/handler to us, even if they wouldn't have appeared to have done anything wrong from an outsider's perspective. We really try our best to be as discerning as possible, but we are sure that sometimes we make mistakes and block people who are sincere.
So if that ever happens to you, we want you to know we are sorry and we hope that you'll continue to connect with our work in some way in spite of it. If we block you and you don't understand why, we encourage you to reflect on it and/or watch more of our videos if you can, in case you did violate one of our boundaries unknowingly. But if it was our mistake, then we hope you'll find peace around it in whatever way you can.
I know that to some of you, it may sound silly, the idea of suffering so much from being blocked on a youtube channel, but we know that for some people, it really can be traumatizing, especially if they didn't do anything wrong, and we want to validate that.
(Edit: forgot a word)
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Tw: mind control and accepting one's vulnerability
We were aimlessly looking at this page for just a moment when we were suddenly struck with the idea to write about our plans for our next video, which we have never done in a community post before. We clicked on the place where one clicks to make a post and then discovered that there had been a suggestion there in grey text to make such a post. Just as we have never had the thought to make a community post about upcoming video plans, we had never noticed such a suggestion here before.
We have naturally, upon catching this happening, decided to refrain from making that post, but we still feel compelled to share about this experience, as it provides an example of the power of subliminal suggestion and how easily such messages can be disguised in plain sight. Right now is a massive time of mind control on a global scale and I think it's important to remember that no matter how awake those of us who have been surviving and learning about mind control feel, we are all still vulnerable.
Edit: two users' comments are stuck pending and will not go through. I am pretty sure they are in response to this community post, so I'm going to leave my replies here.
In response to Wan Bissaka, I want to say thank you and in response to mf Honey, I want to apologize as I don't honestly have the best recommendations for you. There is one website - endritualabuse.org/ - that I have found helpful, but I haven't been on it in awhile so I can't vouch for anything too recent on there.
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I just discovered that once again, the comments have been turned off on a bunch of my videos, so I want to restate that I have never turned off any of the comments on my videos. I am fully committed to having the comments on. If I ever turn them off, which I don't plan to, I will tell you guys, so if you see that they are off, it was not my doing.
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Tw: apocalyptic stuff, trigger phrases
Someone asked us to share our thoughts on the "nwo" and we wrote a response that we'd like to repost here, as we are sure many of you would be interested in reading it:
We were told many different things as a child about how and when the "end game," as they put it, would go down. And not to be too frightening here, but of the dates they gave, this year is the one we took most seriously. We haven't been able to process enough around it to say much more, but it seems that our system decided a long time ago that it was of the utmost importance that we get out of Mk, expose it as thoroughly as possible and maybe even have a chance to enjoy our life a little before this year. That doesn't mean this is the "big year," but it does scare me. As for the mechanics of it, it seems that they wanted us to believe it was going to be brought about by a single big event, such as a mass pandemic or a nuclear war or even a staged alien invasion (hence the phrase "big year"). I think this may partially be true but that there's a deeper truth, which is that they've already been wreaking such havoc on the earth for so long, the "nwo" is in more ways here already than it isn't. I could say more, but I feel like this is sufficient for now. I hope it brings clarity and not too much fear. Panicking about such things is definitely not something I recommend.
Edit: a word was missing
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We are a 23 year old queer, autistic survivor of Monarch/Mk Ultra, CIA child trafficking and Satanic ritual abuse. After 3.5 years of deep deprogramming and integration from polyfragmentation, we created this channel to help empower the survivor who is struggling.
All of my videos are labeled Tw to indicate that what I say may be triggering for survivors of trauma. Detailed warnings can be found in most of the descriptions.
I also label every video like that because in March of 2018, I discovered that someone had implanted subliminal images in the beginning of two of my videos.
You can learn more about that here, but please be careful as this was one of the videos in which a subliminal image was found: youtu.be/wPet2MT4_Ic
Because I have not been able to properly analyze any of them to see if there are more hidden images, I recommend exercising extreme caution in watching my videos. You may be subjected to subliminal triggering in which I myself did not have a part.