This 4th of July was so lame my family is Hispanic and so are my neighbors it was dead silent tonight it was scary 💀
Elden ring is probably not the best game to play while I'm trying to maintain my sanity 💀 I'm losing my shi chat almost 3 all-nighters and two of them were me just exploring bc I kept getting distracted 😭
So I was really going through it because of the situation that had happened
I feel a lot more comfortable now so I'll say a little something about it basically I had to distance myself from someone I cared about who i strangely had a really strong connection with even though I barely knew them
It really impacted me in a much bigger way than I thought because at the time I was finally feeling Like I was able to actually live and enjoy my life just for things to immediately go wrong and it really broke me I don't blame myself as much now because it was the right thing to do I feel like I can finally move on and I can actually feel feelings properly
As strange as it's going to feel because I have lost it way too many times now I went to actually feel alive I want to actually make positive videos online and not go to my room and hate myself afterwards and be miserable it's awful I have to accept the fact that I am a human being and I shouldn't have to constantly be feeling this way just because I think I deserve it
I've spent the last five years of my life changing myself for the better and I'm not going to stop anytime soon but I think it's time I started actually treating myself better as well I don't want to be miserable anymore 😁
While I'm currently in a really bad mindset I can't really make comforting videos because to make positive videos I have to be happy that's just how it works for me but don't forget that the gaming channel is still a thing that I am also trying to get back on the grind for it requires me to do a lot more things and it's a lot more distracting so it's really nice for me currently We are really close to 1000 subscribers so I would appreciate the help
I also want to thank all of you for all the nice comments in my last Community post I really needed it I'm not going to lie it was really comforting so thank you again I really appreciate it I'm starting to feel somewhat better 😁
So I'm not going to go into too many details about it but after graduation a few things happened and because of it I have been feeling very emotionally numb and very empty inside
I haven't been able to enjoy anything I haven't been able to feel happy or joy in the slightest
Nothing that I have been doing to cope has been working at all I also know for a fact that doing what I love as well as spending time with family and friends isn't going to work because it hasn't been working things that are supposed to be distracting aren't distracting even if I were to come to terms with what occurred I still won't feel okay I don't feel okay I don't feel like I'm living anymore just breathing this is probably the worst I've ever felt in my life I feel like I'm dying and i don't know what to do anymore
And for the life of me I can't come up with a video idea I have tried to record a few funny videos here and there but halfway through I just end up crying don't worry if I get through one I'll upload it
I'm sorry about this I know it's a let down I was so excited I thought I was going to be able to make more videos now but I was very wrong 💔
I think I can say it I am back to making videos I repeat your boy is back today in a couple of hours is my graduation aka I can finally make more videos I'm back with a new microphone and a much more comfortable recording space 😎
Let's see how things go from here on out I have a really strong feeling it's going to be brutal I am scheduled to work 6 days in a row starting next Monday I haven't even walked the stage yet but we got this it's what I wanted 😭
I can't wait to see the things that I'm able to do now with a lot more free time and the ability to actually work a full-time job and be able to do things for myself so I don't feel like I'm falling behind 😤
I want to thank all of you for sticking with me through all of this I will never take it for granted
I am super thankful and grateful I can't wait to bring you guys more content 😁
I'm going to be real all this technical shit is killing my motivation to make videos 😕 I just want my videos to sound better so the background isn't annoying and disturbing for you guys
So I'm still having one slight issue with the microphone it keeps fading out towards the beginning and ending of my sentences and I don't know how to fix it any suggestions? The new microphone I got is a hyperx quadcast s
I bought a new microphone recently still trying to figure out how to make it sound good but in my opinion it does sound better than my old one
There's still a week until I'm completely done with school so just give me a little more time hopefully I can have it fixed by then as well as finally be prepared to upload videos for you guys again
My prom was last night. I was so nervous ngl. But once I got there, everyone said I looked really nice. So that helped me out so much. I spent the whole night screaming and dancing. I have the worse headache but I'm happy i went 😆
A Safe Space For All
Maybe you're bored/ want to discover something new about yourself/ situations that are oddly relatable you can find all and more right here so don't be afraid join the community you'll always be welcome here 💚
I'll try my best to get better and improve as time goes on 😇
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10k! 7/7/23