Welcoem to posts!!
in the future - u will be able to do some more stuff here,,,!! like pat catgirl- i mean um yeah... for now u can only see others's posts :c
Happy Halloween!!
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In the instruction manual for life, one of the first items should be to never walk away from toasting #poptarts.
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Northern lights came all the way to Colorado last night.
You can see Orion's head, shoulders, bow, and belt, as well as the roof of our house, in the lower right of this photo. Note that this is a 4 second exposure so the sky didn't look like this to our eyes, but still very cool.
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I accidentally scheduled for the wrong day, but in 45 minutes, Round 5 Foot Tickle Challenge goes live! You can get notified of go live here.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG38Z...
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I know I said the Round 5 Foot Tickle Video would go live Tuesday (basically yesterday at this point). Side note: I can't even believe I just typed that... and that there are now going to be 5 rounds. Anyway, it will go live today, Wednesday 9/25. Coming soon!
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I've not really understood the YouTube "Premiere" functions before, but I went ahead and set one for the Mountaintop version of "Hi Ren", which will be going live in about 40 minutes. Just getting to understand this Premiere feature.
What's the Premiere for?
This version of "Hi Ren" is the one that I was working on, when the dialogue started hitting me (while cleaning out the bathtub drain and sweeping the floor - for the Housecleaning edition). The internal dialogue was talking to me about all the reasons I shouldn't post this one, while doing that housework. I converted those voices into the housework edition with subtitles, in prep for this one.
In contrast to where I was mentally 2011-2023, and especially 2011-2013 doing battle with the internal dialogue, today I just accept those voices as some of many... indicators of what's going on inside, rather than Truth. And I am working to share things anyway.
Even knowing those voices are indicators rather than Truth, I've been sitting on this rendered mountaintop version of {Hi Ren} Hi Jonathan for about 6 weeks, because there are edits I still want to make... places where the voice isn't fully in sync with the track, parts of the negative downward spiral voice I wish I had done differently, and should re-record.
But work and other things keep me from getting back to the editing, and done is better than perfect on this particular project, so it's time to accept some of that and get this one live.
Here's the link to the premiere if you're interested in getting a notification when it goes live:
- https://youtu.be/r9AyLy_DjdE
It's my first time really playing with some audio effects, so be sure to have earbuds in/headphones on to hear the surround/stereo things I tried out.
(And yes, if you're waiting for Round 5 Foot Tickle full video, it's also coming. Just need to continue to find time to edit.)
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The most beautiful things in life are often the simplest. We see what is there for us based on our resonance. When we bring our Free Will via a bit of effort and creativity, we actively partner with the abundant and holographic Universe, creating a resonant loop, feeding back what we've sent out. The rewards are always there. The key is to choose the resonance we want, and to recognize and act in it when the harvest comes. Abundance is everywhere.
#amazingwifeamazinglife #chokecherry #jelly
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This morning I woke up after about 4 1/2 hours of sleep with a headache, my ears ringing loudly, and my heart feeling out of rhythm with it's beats. (Probably overdid it while chopping wood yesterday #pituitary tumor).
But I found this tiny book on my bookshelf... a book called "The Quiet Mind," which was in my sister-in-law's library when she passed in 2022... one of the few books that I kept from the many thousands she had in her library.)
While it's an interesting mix of Christian language, native American mysticism, and Eastern philosophy, I found these passages useful for reflection in my Renaissance Time this morning.
Hope they offer you a space for reflection too.
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One version of "Hi Ren", my housework version called "Hi Jonathan", is going live on Friday:
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXm2u...
Almost 15 years ago (before the Fish Spa but after Peru), I started hearing a series of very loud negative voices in my head. They got very loud when we were in New Zealand... October of 2010.
Those voices had been there a lot of my life, but what I didn't know at the time was why the voices were so loud.
Now I know... the psychological warfare happening inside of me was likely being amplified by the chemical conditions in my body.
After a lot of research and reading, as well as nearly daily meditation and internal looking at my own body over the past 18 months, I now believe that the voices were so loud then, because they were triggered by a parasite I got in Ecuador in March/April 2010.
Parasites do very weird things to their hosts in order to get their hosts to give them what they want. There are hundreds of YouTube videos and many books and studies about it.
Why I believe I got the parasite is a whole other story for another time.
10 months later, I either got another parasite (in Cambodia), or the same one was never fully treated, and somehow re-surged. I'm not sure. But just to get through days in 2011/2014, I started trying to bury those voices inside of me.
Maybe you can relate from some point in your life, or even right now - fighting and attempting to overcome strong negative internal voices.
Without me knowing what was actually happening in my chemistry, I got convinced internally that I only needed 2-3 hours of sleep a night. And it was so convincing internally that I even convinced the people around me that that was true - that I was just different.
I did that for nearly 2 years - 2-3 hours of sleep a night with times of absolutely crashing for like 19-20 hours straight.
Lots of nightmares when I did sleep, lots of weird things happening related to sleep and nightmares.
The parasite wanted me stressed. It fed off of my stress.
I believe that the chemical conditions triggered in my body then, led to finding a weak point in my system where the parasite could try to get what it needed.
The pituitary tumor I'm now learning about and getting treated for, which caused so many of the symptoms I've had for the past 15 years, but especially for the past 5 years, I believe comes from that parasite.
And...
Burying the voice, rather than figuring out how to accept the other voice as a part of my experience, also sent out a resonance.
We're all resonating all the time into the worldly experience we're all having in this life.
My resonance, and the corresponding responses in my experience, meant that 2012-2014 were very difficult times mentally and emotionally.
These years are often referred to in our house as "the Dark Ages".
There were good things that happened in those times, but overall, those were extremely difficult years.
And I still don't know if there's a lingering parasitic infection, but I'm doing what I know to do to treat the tumor and what I think to be underlying causes.
On the positive site, getting treated has brought music back to my life in amazing ways.
And in coming back to music, I came across Ren's "Hi Ren" in November of 2023.
When I saw it, I knew there was a journal from 2010 that I needed to face, but hadn't had the courage to do.
Ren's facing of his own internal psychological warfare empowered me to look at mine.
And from that revisiting of the journal where I first documented those other voices, I made a song with my own words. I called it "Hi Jonathan", with @RenMakesMusic sound, played by @Moss.E
I've been sitting on 2 relatively complete versions of "Hi Jonathan" for about 4 weeks now.
I haven't posted them because even now, the voice(s) is/are telling me things like:
"The audio needs to be better."
"No one is going to care."
"You don't even know what you're doing."
"You suck at this."
"Your YouTube channel is a mess of things. How does this even relate?"
"You need to have a clear Call to Action... something for people to do after they watch. So wait until you have that."
"You've done so little with music for the past nearly 2 decades. You need to be better before sharing your stuff."
"No one wants to hear about your voices."
"You need to build processes and systems if you want to create content. You can't just continue this haphazard posting of stuff and expect to build anything real." (Ok, I accept that.)
"People can only hold you in 1 (or at most 2) filing cabinets in their brain and you're expecting them to hold you for everything you want to do. You're making it about you, not about them." (Also valid.)
"You're so narcissistic and full of yourself". (I know this one's not true, but it's amazing how loud it can be.)
And on...
And on...
And on...
The voice makes some valid points about ways I can improve, but mostly, it's just Resistance and these voices masquerading as the only assistant I need in my life.
And I know now that I am Source. And when I listen to and act from Source, everything in my life is quickly improved.
I wrote this today in a meditation:
You're trying and wanting to become something.
You might say you're working to "turn into" something.
But you don't **turn** into it.
You **tune** into it.
Tuning in and sharing this feels like it's as much for others as it is for me.
This Friday I'm going to post one of the "Hi Jonathan" videos and share my "other" voices with you.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXm2u...
I hope after it's live, you'll share with me your own voices and/or what you've done to accept or go through your own processes of growth and healing (or what you're currently facing).
And yes, the lighter, happier, sillier foot tickle video is also coming... it's in the process of editing and likely to come next week. It's just time to put at least one of the "Hi Jonathan" versions out here.
Going live on Friday:
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXm2u...
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I'm having a dilemma. Keep this channel one channel with everything, or split it into multiple channels?
It's a lot more to maintain and grow multiple channels, and new channels would start without monetization, but I'm earning less than $100/month from this channel anyway (and it's been that way for years, with over 1000 videos on here).
I think I'm just confusing what the YouTube algorithm is today, and how it aims to serve people on YouTube.
By posting everything in one channel, YouTube has no idea what this channel is about.
What this channel has been is all of my life stuff.
- Music,
- Travel,
- Skits/silliness/lifestyle
- How to videos for web and home things
- Philosophy and thoughts on actually making a difference and having an impact in the world
- Massage/scar tissue healing
- Books/poems/etc.
- Lately it's also included some AI stuff, and there's a lot more of that coming.
I'm feeling strongly that it should be split up in order to better serve what people are interested in, rather than having just one place where I post everything.
What do you think?
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Jack of many trades, while currently working to master a few...
Music, songs, and rapping, (sharing freeform verse is new!)
Travels around the world, real-world experience...
Fun/funny skits and challenges; educing internal brilliance.
Chopping wood, gardening, and tips for repairing the chimney...
Working to grow and shine the verses - the song I hear that's within me.
Tutorials on all kinds of computer and marketing-related tasks.
Feel free to comment and share. I'm open to many kinds of asks.
Mostly I thank you for your the time you choose to offer and spend with me here.
Your attention and trust are valuable. On that I hope we're both very clear.
Two roads diverged, not cool Robert Frost. Thank you for resting here a while.
Thanks for walking where it's never crowded, together on this extra mile.