Welcoem to posts!!
in the future - u will be able to do some more stuff here,,,!! like pat catgirl- i mean um yeah... for now u can only see others's posts :c
I was just going through photos of myself before I started van life - when I was raising my children, married and thought that was what happy was...and then I look at myself in photos now and realize that the sadness in my eyes is gone and it's just pure joy now.
It's interesting to see myself and REALLY see myself. Where I barely smiled or it was half a smile and hiding the sadness I was living with. Don't get me wrong, I had a good life with my ex husband (2nd husband) but I wasn't able to be myself in my family life. My silly/goofy side was stifled by children and a husband who were embarrassed by me singing and dancing in the produce aisle.
Now I live in a life where my partner is as silly as I am, we make ridiculous songs up in the grocery store check out line and manage to get cashiers and baggers singing with us, we dance wherever we are, we start rap battles on the street and random people join us, we laugh all the time, we make music together, we adventure together.
This whole community down here in Phoenix encourages me to be ME. Authentically me.
At our Drum circle, I get to be dancing and drumming Jen. At home in my old life, I had to hold back my dancing because it "annoyed my children or my husband" and I had a drum but never played it because I thought I sucked and didn't bother trying - while my ex husband played piano, accordion, guitar and various other instruments, and my youngest played piano like their dad. My middle one played Violin, my oldest played guitar. I can't imagine them ever inviting me to drum or play with them - and here I am in a life where my now partner, picks up his guitar and asks me to drum or sing with him. It's a completely different life and world for me.
Here, I am handed shakers and drums and sticks and rocks and empty bottles and encouraged to "make music" with people I love and who love me. I am seen and heard and encouraged.
It's weird to look at the photos of "My happy family" in the past and see how distant and sad my eyes are in those photos.
I look at my photo here of me and Cyrus and our friends and my whole body smiles.
I never thought I could be this happy - but here I am.
Leaving my home state and living my van full time was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
Leaving my fate in the hands of the Universe instead of trying to create my own happiness - was exactly what I was supposed to do. I can't imagine my life now, without this family I have here in Arizona. I can't imagine ever going back to being so "Functionally sad" and seeing photos of myself looking just that - sad.
I don't even have to label these photos. You'll be able to see the difference and know if it is an older photo or a new one. <3
If you find yourself waking up every day and you aren't living a life of joy - where you genuinely smile with your entire soul...take a look inside and see what it is that you REALLY want and NEED in your life. Start imagining yourself doing the things you love and wish for your life - focusing on the things you want - helps move your energy in that direction. Focusing on things that are happening now, that keep you feeling isolated, lost, unhappy or "longing for a different life" - will keep you there.
Take baby steps to getting your dreams set up to become reality.
I started with throwing a blanket and a pillow in the back of my tiny Kia Forte and taking day trips to the ocean and having a sack lunch in the back with the hatch open and daydreaming about living in a van.
It took a year and a half of day trips and "wishing" until I finally drove down to Seattle and traded her in for a van and got started building out my van for full time living.
You don't have to jump in full speed ahead - just start small. Even just drawing out a floor plan for a van to live in, looking at beds, throwing a yoga mat and a blanket and pillow on the floor and sleeping in the back of your van in some pretty park for a nap on a sunday afternoon.
Starting is the hardest part.
I am glad I started.
I can't imagine living a life now where I am not smiling with my whole body.
My photos of me in the past are such a strong reminder of how grateful I am that I haven't spent the past 4 years pretending to be happy and having it show in my forced smiles in photos - because I changed my life to what I wanted it to be and got even more than I imagined possible...and now my whole body smiles and I am so thankful I know what "Happy" really feels like now.
Sending you lots of love today,
Jen
24 - 10
Toby has been enjoying the new air conditioner that Cyrus installed in the RV to make sure he stays cool enough.
It's over 110 outside and if the air is off for even 30 minutes it's well over 90 in here and potentially dangerous for pets.
One of the hardest parts of this RV life is trying to keep this sweet guy safe in here while living in the desert.
Cyrus got a job locally working on RVs so we are currently parking in an rv park nearby.
If we were both able to work remotely we would head north to cooler temperatures in summer but here we are, with ac blasting 24/7 and a dog who is enjoying the cool air on his belly!
19 - 6
I'm feeling quite blessed to have found a beautiful partner to travel, go on adventures, and grow with. This past year and a half has seen me learning to love and be loved in a whole new way.
It's amazing when you find a best friend and a partner in the same person.
30 - 13
Feeling blessed that I've been able to spend the past year and a half loving and being loved by this sweet boy and his human. Toby is a 3 legged rescue and getting up there in age. Cyrus rescued him after he was found wandering in the desert, skin and bones, abandoned and with a shattered front leg.
Today I am feeling grateful for Cyrus and Toby inviting me to be a part of their lives.
#dogs #rescue
18 - 8
Join me in my adventures of figuring out how to build out my van on my own, random weird outbursts of dancing, photo tips for cell phone photographers, probably some ridiculous stories, some inspirational thoughts, and more than likely TMI from time to time as well as going from a sad and lonely divorced empty nester lady to finding love, music, and adventure in the Arizona desert on an epic self-discovery journey and then buying an RV with my boyfriend!
All in all - this is going to be an adventure and you are welcome to join me. Or not.
But if you don't, you'll be sad. Like REALLY sad.
So sad you probably croak and they will put it on your gravestone "Died of sadness because he/she/they didn't follow that dork's YouTube" - and of course it is going to cost you way more because that is a lot of text for a gravestone and your family could use that money for a cool vacation after you are gone and all you had to do was follow this dorky channel.