Welcoem to posts!!
in the future - u will be able to do some more stuff here,,,!! like pat catgirl- i mean um yeah... for now u can only see others's posts :c
It's insane for me to think that I've been gone from my channel for a year. Especially since it was never my intention or desire to step away from it at all in the first place, let alone for this long.
I had to stop posting initially for intensely private and personal reasons, but I may open up about them in the future. My personal life aside, the biggest reason I have not been able to post or create is because my health has been rapidly declining since 2023. I've spent more time sick in bed than ever, even worse in comparison to when I first became sick in 2019.
I have multiple chronic illnesses, one of which is also an autoimmune disorder. In case you didnt know, for the most part I walk with a rollator (rolling walker) or a cane - for when I'm feeling really good.
In spite of the poor state of my health I have accomplished a lot for myself over the last 3 years. I won my disability appeal, so now at least I have an income, and I moved to a place that I can finally call safe.
Not being able to share the work that I have spent years building and working towards has been so hard, sometimes it feels defeating.
It's not for lack of trying, things kept happening that prevented me from being able to share š¤£. But I never give up. And I love it. This is part of my dream and I'm determined.
Ever since around mid-January I've grown progressively weaker becoming unable to even sit up at my desk, and worse unable to hold a pen or pencil in my hand to draw for long without becoming fatigued. That was a huge moment for me, because to not be able to do something that has brought my soul peace since I was a child was bitter and terrifying.
But I've had a few good days here and there that have made all the difference in the world.
So in order of events, I got really sick, then I got a really bad concussion, then I got sick again, then a state of emergency happened, then my flare ups got even worse and I couldn't get out of bed, and I was guaranteed to faint everyday and multiple times a day at that.
Then when I tried to start moving in the direction of working on what I love again, all of a sudden all of my technology started crashing, resulting in me nearly losing all of the footage and works that I have created over the last 7 years, so I'm still in the middle of trying to recover and put systems in place to keep this from ever happening again. But all of my technology is at least 10 years old, if not older š¤£. And that's before I can even navigate and tackle the issue of not being able to sit up at my desk to edit.
All that is to say. I'm still not there yet. I've had a lot of setbacks. But I'm a tough cookie. š I don't let these things get to me anymore. Yeah maybe I feel the unfairness for a moment, and I let myself, because I honor my experience and those feelings are valid. But I always keep in mind what I can do? How can I solve these problems and keep taking steps forward? What can I realistically do about this?
And this is where the biggest change is coming in. All of this is made so much harder because of my health. The healthier I am, the more I am able to do, the unhealthier, the less I am able to do. That means if I really want this, what I have to tackle first and foremost is my health.
I feel so blessed to be able to say that I have been part of a scientific study for the last 6 months, that is specifically for improving the quality of life for people with fibromyalgia and other autoimmune illnesses.
Unfortunately I was put in the control group!!!! š¤£š¤£š¤£ So I wasn't able to adopt the program that was intended to save me until very recently, and then like I said I had a lot of physical, mental, emotional, health, personal, and technological setbacks.
My progress through the program has been painfully slow, and thankfully I have hit close enough to rock bottom to feel completely confident in fully committing to this program for the next year. If the results are as promising as they appear to be, I might actually get my life back. I'm willing to hope and believe.
All that is to say, I will be making a huge shift in my diet and lifestyle, and part of that includes managing stress and maintaining healthy relationships. I'm overhauling my life from the ground up, tackling everything holistically, so I can have a chance, a shot, at the life I want.
So that's where I'm at and where I'm going. I'll definitely still be working towards creating the things that make life worth living for me in the meantime - sharing my stories. But I have no idea how regular or consitent I will be able to be and my health comes first.
P.S.
Dillon if you happen to see this, I'm sorry. I had good intentions, but I should never have said yes. I wasn't expecting to get quite so sick. I'm sorry for ghosting you and that I can't share with you what you asked me to teach you. I'm barely managing myself at the moment.
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I'm so sick. I want to thank each subscriber for your patience and for not unsubscribing while I try to figure things out. It's been almost 2 months now and I have still been fainting pretty much every day. I have slowly been working on my next full-length Japan vlog, probably since August. I'm so close to being done. But ever since this flare-up, I have been lucky if I can work even an hour a day on editing because I have to sit at my desktop to edit and it's physically really hard to do. In the last 2 weeks, I haven't been able to sit up to edit except for a couple of days. I really wish I had one of those new super-powered mac laptops to work on because then I could edit from bed. And I won't lie, my home life has been tough. But no matter what, even if I can't work on things as much as I would like, and I have to take things much slower because of my health and limitations, baby step by baby step I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to give up on this or on you because I believe in it and it means the world to me. I will have this video out as soon as I can. So hang in there. And please continue to support me, believe in me, and be patient with me. Thank you so so so so much.
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Surprise surprise. Pretty sick again. It has really slowed me down. It has been about 3 going on 4 weeks. I have been fainting almost everyday. And now I have a cold š So I have to take things slower and easier for now, but I'm still moving forward step by step! Thank you so much to all of my new subscribers I hope you all had an absolutely wonderful Christmas/Hanuka/Kwanzaa/Holiday and New Year!
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Happy Thanksgiving Giving to all of my subscribers! I am so so so so so grateful for every single one of you. I am so grateful for everyone who has shown support for my channel. I am so grateful for everyone who has left a like, a dislike, and commented. New shorts will be up later today. I hope everyone has a peaceful worry free day filled with great food, love, family, and friends! ā¤ļøš
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I am sorry for my long unintentional hiatus! I had a lot of shorts almost ready to go. But I was traveling last month and got Covid, Strep Throat, and a Sinus Infection all at the same time. Recovery has been really slow š
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I DID IT š¤¬š¤¬š¤¬ šŖš»šŖš»šŖš» It only took 3 months. So if you're seeing this, please watch my newest Japan travel vlog and let me know what you think! š
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Iiiiii finally did it. It only took 5 years and almost 2 months š¤£ but I did it. Please head to this link to watch my labor of love and what brought me to the edge of madness. https://youtu.be/605uEG8gq-E
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I'm trying so hard to get my longer form content finished by tomorrow. But I don't know if it's going to happen. I've been pushing myself a lot. I think instead of rushing, I should take my time and try to have it out next weekend. But I hate missing my goals ššš
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Thank you so much to everyone who watched my Japanese House Tour Today!!! Have a great Thursday. youtube.com/shorts/EkShdmEHpO...
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Do you like to travel?
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Hi! My name is Xan. I make videos about the things I love. youtube.com/channel/UCPrsSwrQl8BqvQmbL8nLkeg?sub_cā¦
Multi-passionate creative who loves doing all the things even while disabled. Laugh, cry, create, and love with me.