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đ§ đ¨ trauma and toxic relationships are hurting your brain physically.
 Recent studies have shown that long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation can alter the structure and function of your brain, leading to symptoms such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, and cognitive impairment. Let's explore how toxic relationships impact your brain and what you can do to heal from them.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is an emotionally significant intimate attachment to a person that interferes with your ability to experience joy, harmony, safety, hope, feelings of peace, and positive connections to others outside the relationship.
 In a toxic relationship, one person exercises controlling, abusive power over the other, often using tactics such as intimidation, isolation, guilt-tripping, blame-shifting, and gaslighting. Gaslighting is a cognitive strategy that creates a subtle, unbalanced power dynamic that seeks to control the moment in the relationship. It involves making the victim question their own reality, memory, and sanity, by denying, distorting, or contradicting the facts2.
Toxic relationships and abusive behaviors can be expressed by all genders. However, the most common pattern is âheteronormativeâ, involving controlling and offensive behavior of males directed toward their female partners.Â
Toxic relationships are often characterized by a cycle of abuse, where periods of tension, conflict, and violence are followed by periods of calm, reconciliation, and affection. This creates a traumatic bond or commonly known as a trauma bond, between the abuser and the victim, making it hard for the victim to leave the relationship.
A trauma bond is similar to an addiction, because it involves the activation of the brainâs reward and attachment systems, which are mediated by neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin.
Dopamine is involved in the brainâs reward circuitry, which motivates behavior and learning through positive reinforcement. Oxytocin is involved in the brainâs attachment circuitry, which regulates social bonding and trust. These neurotransmitters create a powerful addiction-like effect, where the victim becomes obsessed with the abuser and craves their approval and affection.Â
However, these neurotransmitters also make the victim more vulnerable to the abuserâs influence and manipulation, as they impair the victimâs ability to critically evaluate the situation and seek help.
Additionally, the brainâs stress response system, which is activated by the abuse, can also contribute to the trauma bond by increasing the levels of cortisol and adrenaline, which are hormones that induce fear, anxiety, and arousal. These hormones can further impair the victimâs cognitive and emotional functioning, as well as create a sense of dependency on the abuser for survival.Â
A trauma bond can have severe detrimental effects on the victimâs mental and physical health, as well as their relationships and quality of life.
 Some long-term impacts of trauma bonding include:Â
Making excuses for or defending the person who hurt you
Becoming isolated from family or friends
Engaging in self-blame or believing you deserve the abuse
Feeling attracted to untrustworthy people
Going above and beyond to help people who have hurt you
Attempting to get people to like you even when they are clearly using you or hurting you
Remaining in abusive relationships
Adverse mental health outcomes like low self-esteem, negative self-image, an increased likelihood of depression and bipolar disorder
Perpetuating a generational cycle of abuse
Breaking free from a trauma bond can be very challenging, but not impossible. It requires professional help and specialized trauma therapy, as well as support from trusted people and resources.
Toxic relationships can have a profound impact on your brain, especially if you are exposed to them for a long time. Some of the ways that toxic relationships affect your brain are:
Reduced brain volume and connectivity: Studies have found that victims of narcissistic abuse have reduced gray matter volume and connectivity in the prefrontal cortex, the anterior cingulate cortex, the hippocampus, and the amygdala. These brain regions are involved in executive functions, emotional regulation, memory, and fear processing. Reduced brain volume and connectivity can impair your cognitive abilities, such as attention, decision-making, problem-solving, and learning. It can also make you more prone to emotional dysregulation, such as mood swings, anger, anxiety, and depression.
Increased stress hormones and inflammation: Toxic relationships can trigger chronic stress and inflammation in your body and brain. When you are constantly exposed to threats, insults, and manipulation, your brain activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which releases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones prepare your body for fight-or-flight, but they also have negative effects on your brain. Chronic stress can damage your neurons, reduce your neurogenesis, and impair your synaptic plasticity. It can also increase inflammation, which can contribute to neurodegeneration and mental disorders.Â
Toxic relationships can also affect your brainâs reward and attachment systems, which are responsible for motivation, pleasure, and social bonding. Toxic relationships often involve intermittent reinforcement, where the abuser alternates between rewarding and punishing behaviors. This creates a powerful addiction-like effect, where the victim becomes obsessed with the abuser and craves their approval and affection. The brain releases dopamine and oxytocin, which are neurotransmitters that mediate reward and attachment, respectively. However, these neurotransmitters also make the victim more susceptible to the abuserâs influence and manipulation.
Healing from toxic relationships is not easy, but it is possible. The first step is to recognize that you are in a toxic relationship and that you deserve better. You need to break the cycle of abuse and end the relationship, or at least create some distance and boundaries. You may need professional help, such as therapy, counseling, or legal support, to do this safely and effectively.
The next step is to focus on your own healing and recovery. You need to restore your sense of self, your confidence, and your trust in yourself and others. You need to process your emotions, your trauma, and your memories, and release them in healthy ways. You need to rebuild your social support network, and reconnect with people who care about you and respect you. You need to practice self-care, and engage in activities that bring you joy, peace, and fulfillment.
Finally, you need to rewire your brain, and undo the damage caused by the toxic relationship. You can do this by stimulating your brainâs neuroplasticity, which is its ability to change and adapt in response to new experiences. You can enhance your neuroplasticity by learning new skills, hobbies, or languages, by challenging your cognitive abilities, by meditating, by exercising, by eating a balanced diet, and by getting enough sleep. You can also use positive affirmations, visualization, and gratitude to reprogram your subconscious mind and create new neural pathways.
Toxic relationships can have a devastating impact on your brain, but you can heal from them and reclaim your life. You need to break free from the abuse, focus on your own healing, and rewire your brain. You are not alone, and you are not hopeless. You are strong, resilient, and worthy of love and happiness.
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