Welcoem to posts!!
in the future - u will be able to do some more stuff here,,,!! like pat catgirl- i mean um yeah... for now u can only see others's posts :c
My Experience with the Foster Care System: What Needs to Change
I’ve opened my door to foster placements carrying garbage bags filled with their entire world. It’s heartbreaking to see children stripped of not only their homes but also their dignity. For them, it’s more than a bag; it’s a symbol of being unseen and undervalued, adding to the trauma of an already life-altering moment.
My recent placement came to me with 15 years of belongings that could fit in a garbage bag. That was it. And this heartbreaking reality is all too common in the foster care system. It was a painful reminder of how these children are often treated as a case number in a system meant to protect them.
How is a child supposed to feel valued and seen when they are stripped of their dignity because of bureaucratic decisions that overlook their humanity? Being sent from home to home because the system would rather prioritize policy over the child’s actual well-being.
Every child deserves to feel loved, respected, and seen—not like a file shuffled through endless processes. Let’s advocate for a system that fosters connection and stability, because every child deserves a foundation of dignity, attachment, and hope.
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As we all know, Bella is finally home with us and while we are so happy to have her back, I can’t help but still feel frustrated with the system. It’s broken and messy. In my experience as a foster dad, I have seen it all, and I’ll be honest: I have wanted to quit almost every month due not feeling heard or feeling like my kids are just another case number! Bella was gone for 90 days—a painfully long separation—over something as minor as my teens not having completed background checks, even though they have lived with her most of her life. And because of that, they took her from us, separating her from the only family she’s ever really known.
And I understand one might say, ‘Well, at least you have her back,’ it’s hard to explain that, yes, we’re so thankful, but it’s not that simple. During those three months, I watched her siblings struggle with the sudden emptiness of not having their little sister, and the truth is, these experiences leave lasting marks, and it’s heartbreaking to think of how a system designed to protect can end up causing harm instead.
One major problem in foster care is the lack of support for foster parents—many are burnt out and overwhelmed by unattainable policies and demands. I truly understand the need to protect children, but it’s easy to let the paperwork come before the souls of our children.
The main reason I share this is because its painfully obvious we are in the middle of a massive foster parent shortage, and yet rigid policies that cause children to get pushed from family to family create unnecessary trauma for both the child and their families. Foster parents are meant to provide stability and love for the children that need it most, but when the system itself is constantly disrupting that stability, it discourages families from stepping up.
What keeps me fostering? Seeing Bella and my other kids thrive, despite the challenges, reminds me why I chose this path in the first place. Watching them accomplish those not-so-small victories is the most rewarding feeling as a parent, and every child deserves a family that fights for them. We’re in the middle of a massive foster parent shortage, and situations like this drive families away from fostering altogether. If we want more people to open their homes to children in need, we need a system that supports families instead of creating obstacles.
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Hello My Village! I have started a second channel! Over the years, I have learned a lot about fostering, adoption, and parenting in general and I want to share those lesson. Go over and check it out: www.youtube.com/channel/UCYUk...
Its just getting off the ground but go subscribe for 1 on 1, chatting style content. Leave a comment on what topics you'd like me to talk about!
This channel will remain unchanged and active with more fun family moments!
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Dads! Can we step up and be the fathers we ought to be?
I’ve been a single foster dad for eight years, and the question I always get asked is, “So, where’s the mom?” Or I receive comments like, “What kind of mother could do that to her children?” It never ceases to amaze me how quick society is to question or criticize the mother’s role when things go wrong, and completely forget that it takes two to create a child.
The burden that moms carry to raise kids is immense, and when fathers fail to show up, the responsibility shifts entirely to them. And then, when things fall apart— when a child ends up in foster care—we point fingers at the mother. Why aren’t we holding these absent fathers to the same standard?
We need to start asking the harder questions: “Why are so many women being forced to take on the brunt of single parenthood?” and most of all, “why is being an absent father so normalized in our society?”
It’s time we start holding men with children accountable—because the title of “father” is something that must be earned. Men need to step up, not just financially by sending a check each month, but by being fully engaged in their children’s lives. To all the dads out there: you HAVE the power to break the cycle. Your presence is invaluable, not just for your children, but for the well-being of our entire society. Remember, it takes two to create a life, and it absolutely takes two to raise one.
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If you’re a foster parent, chances are you’ve heard people say, “Oh, I hope they get to stay with you.” While I understand the good intentions behind it, it isn’t always the most helpful thing to say (depending on the child situation of course). One of the biggest misconceptions I encounter as a foster parent is the belief that a child is always better off with me than with their biological parent.
I understand why people think that. For the outside, they see a child thriving in my home and assume it’s the best outcome. But what they don’t see are the nights when that child is longing for their mom or dad, the heartbreak of meltdowns and me having to console them, the stress of not knowing if their parents are making the necessary improvements to get them back, and the endless questions like, “When do I get to go home?”. No matter how much love and stability I provide, there’s an irreplaceable bond with their biological family that I can never fill. Foster care isn’t about taking over that role—it’s about holding space for families to heal and reunite whenever possible.
So when I hear, “I hope they get to stay with you,” it honestly breaks my heart for the child. It’s a reminder that people don’t always understand the emotional complexity of foster care. The best outcome, when safe and possible, is for that child to return home, not for them to stay with me permanently. My role is to be a bridge, not a replacement.
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Grieving and celebrating adoption
All children handle the adoption process very differently. While adoption is an amazing thing and means one less child in the foster care system and one more child belonging to a family. For a child, it also can mean severing the last thread to connecting the child to their birth family. We must remember that even in the best circumstances, adoption cannot exist without loss and/or trauma first, both on the birth parents side and children’s side.
A lot of children, especially older, will have complex and sometimes even negative feelings towards adoption. Older children have more memories of their birth family, both good and bad, and the adoption process can trigger feelings of abandonment, confusion, or even guilt for moving forward with a new family.
When Zay told me he wasn’t ready to be adopted I completely respected his decision, even encouraging him to stay connected to his birth family. Some might’ve taken it personally like, ‘oh he must not like our family enough’. But that couldn’t be further from the truth, and I think that is obvious with how close he’s remained in our lives throughout the years.
As adoptive parents, it’s essential that we create space for these emotions and reassure children that their feelings are valid. Whether it says so on paper or not, I consider Zay my son. Adoption is a journey, and for older children like Zay, that journey is often more complicated. It’s not just about finding a new family; it’s about coming to terms with the past, honoring where they came from, and deciding how they want to move forward.
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Why keeping siblings together is so important
One of the first things I quickly realized as a foster parent was the profound importance of sibling relationships in foster care, especially the value of keeping them together. This became especially clear with Isabella and Luke, whose bond is unbreakable. Watching how inseparable they are, always finding comfort and joy in each other, but especially in the difficult moments, constantly reinforces my belief in the power of sibling connections. They truly are best friends, offering one another a sense of peace that no one else can provide.
In our ever-changing blended home nurturing sibling dynamics is a big priority for me. Obviously every situation is unique, but even if siblings have been separated or if they’ve never had much of a relationship in the past, I still try to make the effort to maintain those biological connections or at least let the child know that door is always open when they are ready. What I’ve found with a child who’s experienced trauma and maybe has complex feelings towards a biological parent their brother/sister is typically the one person who can understand their journey through shared experiences better than anyone else. Not to mention they might be their only connection to their biological family and history.
Siblings can offer each other a sense of stability and belonging that no one else can replicate, which is why preserving those bonds is so important to me as a foster and adoptive parent.
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Laughter and joy have been two essential ingredients in our healing journeys. We may not be able to choose the family we were born into or be able to change the past, but whether its Zay making jokes at the dinner table, or Isabella and Luke giving us a spontaneous karaoke party in the living room, these moments of joy are our way of reclaiming our lives and letting us rejoice in who we truly are— a family bound not by blood, but by love and determination. In the face of everything we’ve been through/go through, we’ve discovered that the most powerful form of healing is to live fully, laugh often, and find joy in the small moments.
That doesn’t mean we deny our feelings or ignore the negative emotions when they do come up. Instead, we acknowledge them, face them together, and then choose to move forward with a focus on the light that laughter and joy bring into our lives. It’s this balance of accepting our pain while embracing our happiness that makes us stronger as a family and helps us heal.
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My son, Anthony Mutabazi and I (Peter Mutabazi) started this vlog to share our fostering and adoption journey and to try to help as many kids as we can along the way.
We believe every child and young person, especially the forgotten, neglected, or abused, deserves to be celebrated; seen, heard, and known!
Check out our other channel:
www.youtube.com/@AParentJourneyWithPeter
𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗠𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮 & 𝗣𝗥 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀, 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹: peter@nowiamknown.org
FAN MAIL:
Now I Am Known
338 S. Sharon Amity Road # 270
Charlotte, NC 28211