I like to call Gen Z's Generation Zero, because in some ways, we are the missing generation of children who grew up neglected. For the sake of our planet and our future, we cannot give up on ourselves simply because everyone else gave up on us. We must set ourselves as an example for Generation Alpha.
TRIGGER WARNING: The following Google Document contains triggersome content. Read at your own risk.
docs.google.com/document/d/1yQU5qQyyzPqc-Ps-fSf7Qh…
I'm thinking of posting a series of philosophical commentary blogs on this website. Your thoughts?
Being born with Autism, even though I am high functioning, I was often ostracized, pigeonholed from the rest of my age group by peers and adults alike merely due to my diagnosis. I was expected to work harder and behave more strictly than the others simply because of my label, while the rest of them got off scot-free.
Many of my social skills camps and special education classes were disorderly and dysfunctional, as many of the teachers there were unqualified, unskilled, and neglectful, as they expected us Autists (and other Neurodivergents) to figure things out on our own though we were still kids, rather than taking responsibility themselves for our development. I was conditioned to be self-conscious of my mental disorder, and overly caring about what others think of me in the name of self-improvement. I was taught that if I was disliked or mistreated, that I was doing something socially unacceptable. In a manner of speaking, I was set up to fail in my youth.
In 10th grade, I was bullied for my Autism relentlessly. They called me a retard day in and day out. They used my Autism as a scapegoat to blame me for their problems, as an excuse for them to to target me, saying that it was my Autism that started it, and gaslighted me that my Autism was making me hallucinate their abuse. Whenever I went to the adults for help, the bullies would usually say, "He doesn't know what he's talking about, he's a retard."
Whenever I did something kind, they'd punish me for it. Whenever I did something self-destructive, they'd commend me for it. Whenever I did something acceptable, they'd try to persuade me that it was socially unacceptable and so forth. Up was down, black was white, good was bad, day was night. I was questioning my sanity, my moral compass, my judgement, my mentality, and my memory.
Even when they sexually assaulted me in the showers, the adults took no measure to bring them to justice. In fact, the adults did NOTHING, no matter how much I begged and cried to them for help. Rather than taking responsibility and addressing the situation head on, they'd only ask me what I could do to improve the situation without their help. In my case, it was nothing; I could only avoid them. But since I was at a boarding school in the middle of the woods, I had nowhere else to go.
These kids were unhinged, if anything the adults were afraid of them. One of them threatened to kill me and another nearly broke my door down to steal my guitar. They even took advantage of the adults own mental illness, like when the art teacher was back from maternity leave, they use her mood swings to get her to side with them and blame me for their own problems.
But the worst thing they did, but blackmail my only friend there to betray me, just like Kaworu.
I was very suicidal that year, and wished I was never born.
To this day, I still suffer PTSD from being psychologically abused by my peers and staff alike. Even as an adult, I was still mistreated by fellow adults. I can't help but feel paranoid that some people are out to get me, as I've been stalked, doxed, and threatened to be hunted down and killed by people online who wished me grievous harm since Lockdown.
There are certain animes I wish to watch, like March Comes in Like a Lion, A Silent Voice, Welcome to the NHK, Serial Experiments Lain, and Given. But I am deathly afraid of being re-traumatized again...
Can anyone help?
I’m no longer doing this to be popular. I’m doing this to be honest.