@philshuster7463

4 years ago

After watching all the YouTube videos of the actors and director and reading the reviews, I got up the courage to watch this movie. One of the hardest things I've ever done. Why? Because I had my own Oliver back in 1969-72. We were in college, met through mutual friends in my rooming house one block from campus and quickly became good friends, then it developed into more than just friends. I was Elio, 5' 10", dark hair, and yes, just like the movie, I played piano with my Jewish heritage. My Oliver was 6' 3", fair, muscular and athletic. When I first met Jim, OMG, he about took my breath away. I thought this guy is not your average joe blow. He was exceptional with an air of confidence, strength, joy and peace with contagious charisma. I was immediately drawn to him and captivated by his persona. As the weeks progressed that first semester, we saw each other more and more. Jim was coming over to our rooming house more and more to see his old friends but it didnt take me long to figure out he wasn't just coming to see them. We would catch a glimpse of each other from a distance on campus and immediately be drawn to together, our eyes glued in a conversation we really didn't have time for but didn't want to end. In those early days our chemistry was being kindled and ignited. I found myself continually thinking about him. Little did we know or understand where this relationship was taking us. I really had no idea Jim was gay. I thought he was too manly to be gay. But he asked me to go home one weekend and meet his mother. His Dad had died from a heart attack. Jim said we could just sleep in his bed. I think he planned that. That night we found out what our relationship was all about and that love was at the center of it. It didn't take long for the shorts to come off. I thought my heart would leap out of my chest. There we were like two blades of grass twisting and turning. I was a bit naive, so deferred to Jim's lead. He knew what to do, how to do it and when to do it. He put me at complete ease with his gentle, kind, yet passionate love. What Elio and Oliver experienced for 3 months, Jim and I experienced for almost 3 years. It may not have been Crema, Italy but even on the plains of Emporia, Kansas like it was for us, when love is at the center of it, anywhere becomes "Crema!" Jim and I took love and life to another level. Our "Monet's Berm" was the whole night in the grass on our sleeping bags behind my rooming house. I don't think we slept 10 minutes that whole night. I remember it like yesterday. We played and studied together, we laughed, we were devoted, committed, and passionate. And just like Elio and Oliver, we ran around town together having the time of our lives! On our summer breaks we wrote long letters to each other, spending our treasured weekends together. We had to live under the radar. We took every opportunity to be alone, take a ski trip to the mountains of Colorado, take a train trip or visit family. Even our friends did not know what was really going on between us. How well I remember just the two of us driving down the highway, hanging on and loving each other. Jim would have one hand on the steering wheel, the other hand all over me or under my clothes. I have never known someone so strong, yet so kind, caring and mature. Jim was so stable, nothing ever rattled him. He was confident but not arrogant. We never fought or argued. We truly respected and supported each other. We esteemed the other so highly that I loved his sports and he loved my music. We were obsessed with each other in an amazing bond. We never talked about being gay, we just LIVED it. Neither did we talk about what would happen when we graduated, though inwardly, we knew. And so, the end came as quickly as it started. What should have been an exciting graduation day was anything but that. We had to remain stoic and composed around family and friends. The culture and prejudice of the day were stacked against us. When reality set in, I felt like I died a thousand deaths. My heart was broken, hurt and in pain for a long time. We had no cell phones, no internet, no social media and no one I could turn to for trust and support. I cried myself to sleep many a night or didn't sleep at all. I had night dreams for years of "Oliver" that were so real, I would wake up thinking he was back, only to realize he was NEVER coming back. Life was a struggle. Jim was stationed overseas for four years in the military. I buried myself in higher education, my faith and a new family. We went our separate ways 49 years ago. We have seen each other twice in 49 years. Every year without fail we send a Christmas card and note to each other. We each have married with children and grandchildren. We live 8 hours from each other. Those are the lost years of our lives, that seem like yesterday. The flames of our love has never, ever died. Love is eternal. The last time "Oliver " and I saw each other was 27 years ago! We started texting in 2019 after I received an unexpected phone call from Jim. So, for me, watching CMBYN was very painful. It stirred up a whole set of emotions in me that had been lying dormant for a long time. I know exactly what it was like for Elio to look into the flames of that fire with tears rolling down his face....pain, no words can describe, struggling to live one day at a time. Uncannily, I will revisit scenes from CMBYN. The visual is a stark reminder of exactly what Jim and I experienced, not just the sexual part but every emotion of living the love and union of two souls molded as one... **UPDATE:8/29/20, Due to Covid19 and widespread restrictions, Jim and I will have to postpone any meeting in 2020. We now are slated to meet September 2021! HERE IS THE UPDATE YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!! 8/31/21-- Jim arrived on time to my house on August 29 with his wife. Our wives really connected and enjoyed the visit. I was surprised how much Jim had aged in 27 years. He is 73 and in good health. He just has some nerve pain in his legs. Though he looked much different, underneath he was the same fun loving Jim from our college days. We shared and looked at dozens of pictures, laughed and ate a lot of good food. It was a very memorable and joyful time together with many hugs and friendly touching. It was like we had never been apart. Our personalities were the same as they were 49 years ago. I wish I could share the pictures we took together. I will savor them in my Jim & Phil album. We plan to make this a yearly get together. This is the best we could hope for in spite of the years that have kept us apart. I am thankful we both are still alive, enjoying life and still have much commonality. My thanks to all of you who have prayed and spoken kind words of support over us. Love is the greatest gift God has given us!❤❣ Life is short, make the MOST of it! There are friendships and love that are for life!! I wrote this poem after watching the movie, dedicated to my Oliver/Jim, the lost love of my life.❤ CALL ME BY YOUR NAME Crema called two hearts unknown Oliver and Elio to summer’s glow. Gazing from the window below To one that walked into my soul. Did you just see that look to me, Was it meant what I think it to be? Hearts bounced and jumped to see, Was he thinking and wondering just about me? Laughing, talking, plucking the keys Grass, meadows, lying down in the breeze. Looking, touching, our hearts twisted and turned Bending, caressing as blades on the earth. The road was long and open to flee, Will I catch him as I pedaled with passionate speed? O Crema you called two hearts meant to be Locked in time, stood still with love’s purity. Call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine, To be joined in body and united as one, Risen together to life’s drum, Will it last til the end of sum? Tears fall to the soil, endlessly Breaking the soul of what was to be. It lasted for as long as we pressed in to see How hungry we were to be free. Summer’s end came with speed, As we ran the streets jumping to flee. We tried to pull on our destiny Only to be beaten by time and disbelief. A father who cared enough to speak Listened to a heart pouring out its grief. Giving his love to a son’s defeat Wisdom that gave this Elio relief. He left with a trace of who he was, My heart ached and torn for his grip on me. The fire brought warmth and comfort in need, The flames of love lost in eternity. © Phil Shuster 2020

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