@sergeantkozi

1 year ago

I posted this as a reply to someone else in a comment, but edited here: I was a militant atheist anti-theist from the ages of 16 to about 27. I thought religion was old pre industrial nonsense and that believers were mislead or stupid. Then Jordan Peterson turned me on to metaphysics and meaning in mythology, then I did some psychedelics and I started to be vaguely spiritual and super hippie, got into Hinduism and Buddhism and zen, fast forward to me being 33 and pattern recognition is a hell of a drug. The parallels between satanism/pro-satanic ideas and the narcissism of our culture and just how destructive it all is.

I know every argument against Christianity. I was obsessed with my evangelical atheism for a decade. Hundreds of hours of atheistic content and arguments. Through psychedelics I began feeling the interconnected nature of everything and feeling the presence of “God,” though I preferred the terms “universe” or “source.” But over time, I couldn’t help but notice that it was generally Christian people and ideas on the side of good, advocating for truth and order and selfless service to others, while the culture generally advocates for subjective truths and nihilism and nonsense ideas which don’t make sense with or without god.

The synchronicities I’ve experienced in the last few years and especially the last few months is crazy. I know we as humans tend to retroactively ascribe meaning to our experiences. Even so, I can’t deny that there seem to be forces moving people towards and away from the good. I no longer believe in coincidence. Atheist heroes of my past like Sam Harris showing themselves to be easily manipulated by secular ideology/religion and intelligent folks coming out and talking about their faith and how they’ve found their way to god. A friend lent me a Bible, another recommended a show called The Chosen which is probably the only good religious show I’ve seen despite my mother pushing many on me in my life, my aunt gifting me a rosary, another friend bought me a copy of CS Lewis’s ‘Mere Christianity” because I was curious to explore these ideas again but had spent too much money at the time. It’s like “the universe” is pushing me towards a certain conclusion. Prayed for the first time in ages, mainly for my family, and cried. I already believed in the power of prayer and belief as a hippie. Look at the placebo effect. Look at quantum physics and how we are connected even when far apart.

Whether these are real entities, inter dimensional beings, whatever (I’ve experienced some entities too). Demons and ghosts, in reality or as constructs of our minds representing internal/eternal truths. Whether there is a god or this is all just useful mythology to draw metaphysical truth from, as Jordan Peterson says “I act as if god exists.” I don’t know, and I don’t need to. That’s what faith is. And I know this won’t convince people, as it wouldn’t have convinced me 10 years ago, but I’ve felt it. Can’t prove it. Just know that there’s something to this and something greater. Lucifer is depicted as the deceiver. The satanic Bible and tenants all operate from a framework of me me me, human first, do what thou wilt. I already figured out long ago that doing what though wilt often just leads to despair. To slavery to your own base drives and vices. These are complex ideas. I know about the witch hunts and the crusades. I know all of it. The failings of men and religion don’t speak to greater spiritual truths at the end of the day though, even if those ideas enabled them.

I’m still on my journey. I just recommend people be open minded to the spiritual rather than rejecting it out of hand. Oh, and as a 17 year old creative writer I already applied the idea of “history is written by the victors” and interpreted Lucifer as the hero, his rebellion justified against an oppressive god. But that was from the framework of Lucifer not existing, or at least, his “influence,” those ideals, not meaning anything, because I didn’t believe in meaning. Only what could be scientifically proven, discard the rest. I was also a rebellious teen who came from an abusive and neglectful home and had (have) a serious problem with authority in general. I’m starting to put that aside, because again, real or metaphorical, the Christian truths just feel right. Feels like love and respect and truth.

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