Views : 244,690
Genre: Education
Date of upload: May 23, 2023 ^^
Rating : 4.967 (127/15,245 LTDR)
RYD date created : 2024-05-22T18:06:33.16643Z
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Top Comments of this video!! :3
I think a big reason why people turn to overthinking as opposed to learning is because they were never given a safe environment to learn and the anxiety lingers from those experiences.
Some upbringings are full of hostility and shame especially in response to failure or mediocrity. Which is an essential part of learning. Hardly anything we do for the first time is going to be exceptional.
So rather than having a safe space where we can trial and error and gain as much experience as we need to succeed, we overthink. We think of the exact way we need to do something before we do it so we can do it correctly and avoid punishment. Which is tragic because this becomes our default mode of being for most of our lives.
It’s tough to break this wiring and best wishes to anyone trying to grow from this horrible maladaptation.
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"Lose your first one hundred games as fast as you can"
I can't put into words how paradigm shifting this piece of wisdom is for me specifically. All of your videos have been incredibly insightful but this one in particular is absolutely divine! Thank you for the umpteenth time for being you and sharing Dr. K and HG! 🙏🏾
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It's important to distinguish between "Thinking" and "Overthinking". Thinking is useful, overthinking is not (by definition really). It seems to me that you need a balance between experience and thinking. For example, if you try to learn Chess through theory books without ever playing a game, you won't become a good chess player. But similarly, if you play thousands of games but never stop and think about why you lost a game, you will get stuck at a low ELO. It's almost like food, once you've eaten a bit you have to digest it. You can't digest food if it's not there, similarly you can't think without data/experience.
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"The more you overthink, the more you actually end up screwing up."
This sounds like a principle that's similar to how OCD checking actually leads to less confidence in one's memories: "Did I actually check the stove this morning? Or am I remembering one of the eighteen separate-but-indistinguishable times that I checked it yesterday? Better check it just in case." Rinse and repeat six more times before leaving for work.
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Part of the challenge is overcoming a bevy of negative experiences when you do take action. If, for example, you are trying to overcome social anxiety and you go out and talk to 10 people, and each of those 10 people said something you perceive as unkind or hurtful, then it ends up being hard to continue trying to talk to people, and reinforcing that overthinking response. That said, if you continue to try to talk to people, your sample set gets bigger and you should hopefully meet people that aren't unkind or hurtful (or you see if there is something happening with your response), then you should be getting better by the 100th person or 1000th person.
It's just getting over that initial hill that's quite hard and under-appreciated, especially if you lack a sympathetic support system.
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What I've kinda figured out at this point in my life (I'm 23) is that overthinking is like fooling myself to believe that I'm working towards a goal or an answer, when I actually have long gone past the point where I have any valid data to work out my answer. This realization has forced me to now be more aware of what I actually can be sure about, and where/when I start conjecturing. Generally saying, you need to actually work on something to add new data into your brain, to even start the reasonable, quality thinking process.
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omg. “we use thought as a substitute for learning”. I love that and it’s what I needed to hear. I adore learning & growing and I guess it’s over time led me to overthink too much!! I’ll try to focus on “learning” things instead of churning my mind lol. I love churning my mind to see what it comes up with lol 😑🥶
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People are always commentating on every videos stuff like, "wow, so scary how Dr. Ks videos come out RIGHT when I was just thinking about/struggling with that topic!", "This video calling me out specifically lol", "Dr.K living in my walls, has a mic/camera in my home cause this feels like it was made just for me".
These comments are so interesting to me because they're so common and on every video. And they're often top comments too.
Instead of pointing out how it's nice that other people understand what you're going through (which many people do comment), and that these feelings/situations are common, it feels to me like people seem to be trying to hold onto their..."main character status/worldview". I don't know how else to put it. It's almost like those people can't let go that they aren't super duper unique and special, so it's "so weird and wild" that every video feels like it was made just for them at the exact moment they needed it, instead of just being common emotions, thoughts, and experiences that most people face.
It's just an interesting thing to notice how self-centered we are, even when we don't consciously mean to be. Personally, it has actually helped a lot to let go of those thoughts and expectations that the world revolves around me and that I'm SO unique/special/complex that no one could possibly understand me.
idk, has anyone else noticed this or any other interesting patterns in the comments across videos?
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@PoliAstroN
11 months ago
Overthinking won't solve my problems... As an overthinker, I KNOW! I overthink the fact that i'm overthinking, and then I enter an endless loop of shame and guilt and anger at myself.
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